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Old 17-Jul-17, 21:35
14600141 14600141 is offline
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Default Re: step sister defeats her step brother.

Just a few pieces of advice. First try to incorporate some more holds really there was just a few takles and a grapevine pin. Also I personally like a bit of a competitive back and forth match. Also, think about adding some hot and juicy details. For example, the guy was getting grapevine pinned so her boobs would be around or right over his face. Discribe how he feels about that (turned on? Does he like/hate it? Etc.). Finally, Let the guy have a good amount of time on top throughout the match making the girl on the verge of tapping out or getting pinned. It just makes her seem stronger and more dominant when she does beat him in the end because she overcame a challenging opponent.

Overall though it was a great start for your first story and I can't wait for part two!
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