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Old 23-Jan-17, 01:04
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Default Re: Sex, relationships and our fetish

I totally get the difficulty, especially when young and just starting to date. Often both parties are a little green/nervous/want the first time to be special - even if that's an overstatement, dating as a late teenager/early 20s can be a little awkward, and it gets easier as one gets older and both parties have "heard it all before" and much more open to trying new things.

My first GF found my fetish quite unpleasant, mostly cause it was always on. (I wasn't good at turning it off). A later GF, a lady with whom I'd discussed marriage with - we were quite close, she was much more game and was actually pretty darn good at times at being dominant, at least the physical part, not the trash talking/energy part, but she also liked things that I found very boring, like cuddling while we fell asleep or kissing/making out for long periods of time. I just wasn't mature enough when we were together and I wanted to explore too many things, so it didn't work out. She was also several years older than me, but in many ways she was great. The best lady I've ever dated.

Another GF, sometime later, felt that my fetish wasn't manly - she wanted a man to "have their way" with her, but that was never me.

I think the point is . . . if there is a point, focusing on what you want in a relationship has drawbacks - focus on what they want, and go out with people that you're OK with giving them what they want even if you get nothing in return. Not saying you have to stay in a relationship like that, but a first date - approach it like that. If they don't give you want you want in return after a few dates, you can leave and look for someone who'll give you what you want, or just ask them to indulge you. - that's my 2 cents of advice after 30 years of dating failure. To date successfully, give the lady what she wants. That doesn't mean you can't be honest about what you want, but don't make it the "first thing" you discuss. Maybe a 3rd date rule. If she's into you, run it by her on the 3rd date and see what happens.

It's much easier and much more common to be submissive than dominant. Relatively few people are naturally dominant in an attractive way, that's why they're so in demand. I've only dated 2 ladies who had a naturally dominant streak and one of them only picked it up after I cheated on her (that was interesting), the other one, believe it or not, had the personality of a nun but she had a wild side when you got to know her and she was a yogi so she had some muscle tone, especially in her legs (she used to lap me on the track when we'd go running). Finding a lady who'll dominate you with willingness and skill, takes some looking. Finding a lady like that who also has the physical ability to wrestle - that's a rare find. Speaking for me personally, if a lady asked me to spank her, I'd have a hard time with it. I'd do it, cause I totally get the fetish, but I have a tough time being the dominant one. Many people are wired that way where being mean to someone else goes against what we're comfortable with. I think you have to respect someone who is uncomfortable with the idea and not try to force anyone into it.

Another lady I dated, took up running so she could improve her scissor holds and they definitely showed improvement over a few months. Never to the point of scary, but they got more fun over time and another took up Karate when I asked her, so she would sometimes threaten me with punches or kicks, but it was all in play, never actually happened. If you date a lady and ask her to take Ju Jitsu classes and offer to pay for them, she might get the idea that you enjoy a tussle. I'd totally offer to pay anyone I date to take Ju Jitsu if I was a little younger and still dating. It's a way in. "So, what did you learn in class today?"

Last edited by LicensetoKill; 23-Jan-17 at 01:15.
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