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  #11  
Old 23-Oct-16, 02:07
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Sexybish Sexybish is offline
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Default Re: Courage and Cowardice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueblade999 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Vannah:

Thanks for your comments. Sorry it made you nauseous. I wonder did the reasons it did so include a) she's too superhero-ish, b) too bloody too quickly?

Thank you for the encouragement.

Best,

BlueBlade
It may be that, I just don't like gore in wrestling too much. Some people do, and more power to them, but I'm not one of them. That being said, I said it before and I'll say it again; this is well written. The protagonist in this story is not necessarily superhero-ish, as the events in your story, I believe, are represented in a realistic enough way that I could definitely see it in my mind. Keep going, and I'll be sure to support any other stories you decide to write, especially if they haven't got as much gore.

And don't mention it about the comments. Blackice has been commenting this or very similar comments on many stories and it's getting on my bloody nerves.
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I promise I'll update my thread soon. Don't kill me.
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  #12  
Old 18-Jun-17, 10:28
blueblade999 blueblade999 is offline
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Default Re: Courage and Cowardice?

A Good Deed, Part 3

"What are you doing, Belle?" hissed Alum as she gently sponged the side of my neck where Grant had managed to raise a large red welt. "Are you playing? Or are you here to finish him?"

"Can't I have both?" I smirked. But I dropped the smile at her sudden frown. "You're right, I'm too full of myself," I said.

"That's how he landed these two," she said, finishing with my neck and then gently touching my sternum with her deft nurse's fingers. She glanced at me, meaning "Serious pain?" and I shook my head. I drank more water.

"Finish him fast," said Alum. "This is too important to risk anything. Anyway you've already made all the vampires happy who want to see blood."

"Just a bit more play, sweetheart - "

"No!" she practically steamed into my ear. "Do you want to face the old man with the news this toxic shit got away 'cause you wanted some fun? Have fun tomorrow! Now send this murderer down the garburetor."

I think she said something else, but missed it as a wave of dizziness came over me at the thought of disappointing my grandfather -- who'd raised me, trained me, given me everything. The thought of his impassive face around his sad eyes if I told him I'd failed was too much, like a geometry compass suddenly stuck through my heart. And it came with - I didn't wonder why - the tiniest ice-needle of fear in my belly.

I met Alum's eyes again. "Of course," I murmured.

I glanced across at Grant's corner. But Grant's second and Foxe were squatting down in front of him, so I couldn't see much of him. He seemed out. Suddenly Foxe straightened up shouting, "Medic!" An alarm went off with a great roar like a foghorn and red lights came on above our opposite corners, and in a moment two special paramedics were in the cage at Grant's side, easing him down to the mat and then on to a stretcher. Alum stalked over to Foxe. In twenty seconds she came back, her face flushed and frowning like thunder.

"He's had a stroke!" she said. "He's had a stroke, you stupid bitch! Now he's going to hospital and our chance is blown. Oh, why didn't you finish him when you could, Belle?"

"Damn me!" I said. "Grandpa will have a fit!"

"Meaning he won't but we'll wish he had," said Alum.

Foxe announced the news to the audience, who erupted into a frenzy of boos and cursing. They'd wanted to see me toy with him some more, the trash. But Grant was out cold, and being carried off by stretcher in a hurry - which was technically, in that ring, a knockout. If he was conscious his second could step in and we had the option of either myself or Alum fighting him. But now the fight was over.

Foxe gestured for me to come to the center of the ring, and lifted up my right arm - and the crowd went wild. Sure they wanted some more blood, but I'd given them alot, and they loved me. They adored me. For a few moments I revelled in their adulation, thinking as always at that moment what I'd do when I harnessed that feeling. When they adored me - and feared me - so much I could command them. It wasn't long now. Maybe another couple months in this ring. And then it would be as I'd dreamed:

Bravery is something only I can give.
And I give it only to my friends.
The others - losers, whose fear chills them to death.

I knew that would come. But meanwhile I'd let a murderer go - and I had to break the news to the sweetest and wisest of men.

When Alum and I got back to our apartment she insisted I call grandfather right away. But I refused. I said the morning was soon enough. I couldn't face him yet, or face speaking with him. She stormed and raged, but on this point wouldn't actually defy me (just as there were some on which I wouldn't defy her). But she went off huffy to spend the rest of the night with a friend. I went to bed, shivering, and dreamt fitfully. I kept dreaming of my adoptive twin brothers, grandpa's own biological grandsons, who shared my birthday. And I remembered what grandpa had done the day we all turned sixteen. He'd placed two pairs of prize boxing gloves high up on a wall in a training gym and said to the three of us whoever didn't have a pair at the end of an hour he'd cut out of the will and throw out on the street.

Well, at the end of that hour guess who had both pairs of gloves in her possession? I still remember the stink of my brothers' shame, and their sobbing and pleading as grandfather ordered his staff to throw them out. I didn't laugh at them, because I was speechless with joy.

It was the best birthday I'd ever had.

I dreamt of them, looking for comfort in the memories.

But tonight it wasn't enough.
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  #13  
Old 13-Aug-17, 00:39
Marek666 Marek666 is offline
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Default Re: Courage and Cowardice?

I love this story. Please continue! Writing is awesome, and brutality just as i like too.
I would love to see her damaging him more and more,breakign his bones one by one.
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  #14  
Old 14-Aug-17, 11:33
Lucipher2k Lucipher2k is offline
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Default Re: Courage and Cowardice?

Very well written, thank you for sharing. Remind me not to upset you
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