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#11
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
Don't know if you can call 2 mos a "relationship". When I was your age I would have ran, not walked away. Even if she agreed to allowing you seeing session wrestlers she'll be resentful. Lots of fish in the sea Kid.
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#12
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
I think the smartest course of action is to listen to your own response to the advice you've received. Raoul gave you a good response, and you seem to agree with it. But remember, the long term for a relationship is a lifetime, and if you're not getting what you need, you'll be unhappy.
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#13
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
I think you should set your priorities in a relationship beforehand. Compare this one to the previous ones and see how they're fulfilled by her.
Do you want someone with the same mindset as you? Has that been easy or hard to come by? I find that more important than sex, because you'll be looking and talking to that person much more often than having sex with her. I don't know how easy is it to find nerdy girls in your country. In the society I was raised, it was extremely hard to find one and even then most of them were ugly. Speaking of which, nerdy girls tend to be non-standard, open-minded and more into guys' stuff. If she doesn't know what this fetish is about, I suggest you show her videos and pictures. Try to find out what her main concern is and show her the most harmless videos you can, even the ridiculous ones. Those with obviously fake punches and knockouts. She may be afraid of getting hurt or doing it wrong. Show her it can be done as a sketch, as a role-playing game. If she finds it laughable, she may give it a try. Let her be in control, as if she just wants to punch your belly or get into a SGP. You can escalate from there, as long as you take her consent. Good luck. |
#14
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
Maybe she doesn't realize how important this is for you? Have another conversation, maybe. But this time don't "mention" it, but talk about it. Show her something. I think she might not have a full understanding of what this is. If she still says she can't indulge, I think breaking up is the best option. Indulging each others fantasies indicates love and shows that you care about the other person and his / her happiness.
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#15
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
Quote:
And yeah for some reason Northern Ireland seems to have an abundance of cute, nerdy girls, a fact that I am eternally grateful for |
#16
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
I'm not crazy about a lot of the advice people are giving here on this topic. I believe that getting to the point in a relationship where each person feels comfortable enough to disclose their innermost fantasies is huge. There's no reason to end a relationship because she doesn't get turned on by your Kink, just as she shouldn't end the relationship because you are not necessarily turned on by her kink. What's important is for each of you to accommodate the other person's fantasies. That means that even if she's not into it she should sit on your face and do other things that turn you on. And you, in turn, because you are so grateful to her for what she's given you, will do the kinds of role play that she's interested in. That's the give-and-take which goes into any relationship and applies across the board to sex as well as other matters couples deal with on a daily basis. It's called compromise, and if you are really lucky then you may graduate to a place where she will actually be turned on doing this for you. In fact it's very likely that's exactly what will eventually happen
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#17
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
You're not wrong, Jason, and your advice is well-stated and steeped in the sort of optimism that *should* be at the foundation of a new or even aged romance.
But when evaluating one's kink, he's got to decided whether he's a 6 or a 7. If what he likes is something he doesn't feel confident he can be happy without, then if he - or his partner - views partaking in sessions as "cheating", he will need to make sure that kink can be a part of any relationship he chooses to have. Obviously, there's no one-size-fits-all answer to anything involving relationships, but if this is important to you and handling all your needs AT HOME is important to you, then the best advice is to get it out there early or at least as soon as you begin being sexually intimate. NOTE: My suggestion is coming from the mind of a middle-aged guy whose marriage failed, because I thought the healthy thing to do was to NOT seek to include my fantasies in any serious dating. I was operating on the long-ago received advice from a pretty intelligent guy that I should not marry my fantasy, because eventually it would go away. HORRIBLE ADVICE! lol
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#18
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
It all depends on how important this thing is to ya and how willing your lady love is gonna to give it to ya. If it's very important to ya and she just doesn't wanna give it to ya, it's time to walk for ya.
Last edited by billyLee; 08-Jan-17 at 04:17. |
#19
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Thanks a lot for the solid advice, it's really appreciated! Although I'm not too sure where I stand on 'the scale' I'm certainly not as involved in it as some of the guys in the forum are (eg I've read a few threads here were guys can't even look at girls without wondering what their scissors are like) Having said that, you stated earlier I wouldn't even be on a forum like this if it wasn't a big part of who I am and that makes a lot of sense. The part about your failed marriage hit me hard too as I'm at the age were I should probably be thinking of a long term partner rather than 'some fun' I think ditching her now would be a bit hasty considering we have so much fun and get on so well. I think I need to figure out where I stand on 'the scale' and ask myself if it's really something I can live without. Well at least I train at a pretty big bjj gym (and a smaller Judo club), if this relationship doesn't work out I'll stop hitting on girls at comic conventions and start doing it in classes |
#20
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Re: Ending a relationship (am I crazy)
@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register], for what it worth here is my point of view :
Your story made me think about my own serious relationship I ended last year. My feeling for her was really close to yours, she was pretty, nice and fun and I've spend really good time being with her. It last 3 years and everything goes well with her during these years ... except the fact that I never told anything her about my fetish. Trust me I tried several times but she doestn't want to hear about it. At first I did what we all did, try to approach her with usual question like "Do you prefer to play the dominant role or ?" and days after days, step by step I tried to get her speak about our kink but she closed the topic quiet quickly. I even remember her saying something like "No I don't have any kink ... " "Do you want to hear mine ?" "No ... don't really ..." OUCH But I was enjoying my time with her and obviously we had cool regular sex in bed So month after month I tried to discover her and know what she likes on my own. But the more I know about her the more I discover she was pretty "classic" in what she likes or what she dislikes. I don't think it's a bad thing to be "classic" but for a guy like me who have a lot of kink and love to experience new things it was frustrating. After a years being with her I tried one more time to know her fetish. I though, may be she was scared I won't understand and she was shy ... and sometimes girls developped some kinky though depending of the guy they are with so ... but she answered the same way. I didn't insist because I felt like she was annoyed by my reaction. Well I was sad and mostly I didn't even know how I could speak to her about my fetish. I knew she didn't want to hear about it but I didn't want to give up on it either so it was a pretty hard situation. Like the one you living right now excpet your girlfriend is aware about it. To be honest I also wondered if it was worth to continue with her and I considered to break up ... so no you are not crazy But I though it was ridiculous to break up with someone just because she wasn't fullfill your fetish. beside everything else goes well. So I strayed with her and I just tried to subtly make her understand what I like through regular things. But I'm admit I was really missing it ... and the more time goes the more I was frustrated. So a couple month before we broke up I just confess to her than I had a very strong fetish, and it was really important for me. I couldn't hold it anymore and even if I knew she was going to reject it I didn't even care I just wanted her to know it ... I was bored in bed and I wanted something new so may be it will inspire her And, believe or not, but she refuses to hear me. She even asked me to keep it for me because she doesn't want to know so what's the point. It suprised me beacause she was a really kind person and watchful. And I think she knew well so may be she didn't want to know because she didn't want to say no to me for a thing so important. Then things gets complicate and we broke up few month after this ... the last month we didn't even had sex. I still had great fun with her and actually we are still good friend but we simply to love eachother. From my point of view, it's obvious I couldn't stay with her because of my fetish and I think she understood it. So my advice : If it's so important to you it's going to be hard to give up on it, if not impossible. So either she will care and you will find a solution to make you happy (like having session) or she will not and men it's gonna eat you... Anyway, right now I'm also 28 like you and I'm totally aware about the fact I want to find someone who share the same interest and I know what you mean by loosing your time with her ... What can I say is : I stayed 3 years with this girl and I never though a single time I lost my time with her As we all said, two month is a little fast to make conclusion, give you both more times |
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