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  #51  
Old 14-Mar-17, 16:48
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

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Originally Posted by mypredilection [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Sorry that I have found a relationship/marriage of 30+ years and while she has caught me and this fetish, she has not indulged me at all beyond now a DADT understanding.... NORMAL RELATIONSHIP
If your wife is not indulging your sexual fantasies, I wouldn't call it a good relationship. It may be is normal. But fuck normal if this is normal.
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  #52  
Old 14-Mar-17, 16:52
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

Would like to remind folks of the "Goldwater principle"--do NOT attempt to psychoanalyze folks without having met them. Do not psychoanalyze Trump, or anyone else
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  #53  
Old 14-Mar-17, 17:54
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

Dude,

I'll chime in here since I am 35 and was JUST like you in my early 20's. I was a VIRGIN until I was 29 (YES 29). I am happily married (4 years) with 2 daughters. My wife knows my fetish and she calls me a perv - but she wraps her legs around me all the time Enough to make 2 daughters hahaha. Also - my wife was a virgin and she was very prude (church girl), so if I can convince her my fetish and all the freaky stuff - you can too.

It's only an issue if you make it an issue. You stated somewhere that you'll "pretend to be normal like everyone else" and I'm begging you - DON'T. Don't make the same mistake I did - which is thinking that having a fetish is some dire problem. There are ways to engage with women to subtly let them know what you like without sounding like a straight up fetish perv. Women are not stupid and have a much stronger intuition than us. I developed my sexuality VERY LATE, and I had no interest in sex at your age either.

TO ME - a fetish is a PROBLEM if it affects your regular life. AKA - you can't hold a relationship, job, or you're just unhappy all the time without it, like a drug.

But beware - if you're anything like me it's gonna hit like a freight train

If you look at my posts - you'll see that there is nothing "normal" about me - but it doesn't effect my drive/ambition/love for my wife and my well being (i.e. my confidence and happiness). Strangely enough, me posting what I like and others liking it at least shows me I'm not alone and there's a lot of "weird people".

Just accept that this is who you are, and rather than changing yourself - aka LYING to yourself, be open about it and let things happen naturally.



zeo
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  #54  
Old 14-Mar-17, 19:03
mypredilection mypredilection is offline
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

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Originally Posted by Zweig [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
If your wife is not indulging your sexual fantasies, I wouldn't call it a good relationship. It may be is normal. But fuck normal if this is normal.
You have all the answers.....

I'm lucky, while too much an obsession, I only was pre-occupied by two strong women in a competitive submission match. I thought catfighting was ridiculous. Never heard of or thought about domination, scissoring or being choked out. Mixed was me wrestling a female.

A competitive match with a female when I was younger intrigued me, but I never pursued or came close to setting one up.

Heck I thought women would only be bikinis and didn't see a topless match for the longest time. I come from the old world of VCR's & Betamax and mostly magazines (Sports Review Wrestling and a storyline).

Thus reading about some here I do have concerns and want them to have a normal adult relationship and with this thread it is obvious to me that for some that will be very difficult.

Sorry I have said it before that I draw a line in the sand that this is as vanilla a fetish as there is, but a fetish none the less.

Let's take a foot fetish as another example. Very vanilla and a spouse I expect can easily indulge in it by wearing sexy heels and allowing foot massages and some kissing. However if you insist on heels to bed and hour long massages, licking,sucking and kissing of toes and foot worship as foreplay and then can only come on her feet, I doubt that one would be so understanding.

So that is why I am here and making my views known, that while there is nothing inherently wrong, one is playing a dangerous game when a relationship is based only on sharing your fetish and indulging you.

Last edited by mypredilection; 14-Mar-17 at 19:45.
  #55  
Old 14-Mar-17, 19:07
al89 al89 is offline
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

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Originally Posted by Zweig [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
If your wife is not indulging your sexual fantasies, I wouldn't call it a good relationship. It may be is normal. But fuck normal if this is normal.
Normal relationships these days suck. That's why people are constantly getting divorced and can't stand each other.

I wouldn't be surprised if people with a specific fetish who have a partner who is willing to fulfill it end up with happier and longer lasting relationships/marriages on average. It's a deeper bond.
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  #56  
Old 14-Mar-17, 21:09
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

I'm 23 and I have similair problem like you and I'm still thinking and trying to find ways how to deal with that, or better say how to incorporate all the things together.

I'm pretty asexual and submissive, growing up having only strict mother that beat me many times, worked around the house from young age, everything needed to be perfect or I'm getting punished etc etc.

This society is so strange, like someone said earlier: it's normal to accept every sexuality but it's not normal to be asexual, that's so disgusting in my opinion.
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  #57  
Old 14-Mar-17, 23:11
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

Interesting thread, lots of good answers already. I'll just add my 2 cents.

Growing up his hard. That much is obvious. It was hard for a lot of us.

My personal experience I struggled with wanting to lose virginity - big time, so I'm not in exactly the same place as the original poster, but I also had a huge fascination with wrestling. I wanted both and being a virgin through all of high school and a year and a half of college was very painful for me, but at the same time, when I masturbated, I thought about wrestling women, not having sex with them. We all have urges and fantasies. That's 100% normal and wrestling fetish isn't uncommon.

I grew up before the internet, so all I had to go on for my wrestling fetish was the occasional magazine. Cavalier magazine had some catfight articles and spreads. Nugget, occasionally, and wrestling magazines would sometimes feature lady wrestlers and in the ads I cam across the Am-Fem catalog so I was able to find ladies who wrestled men, but I was a college student. I didn't have the $250 for an hour fee at the time. I longed to wrestle a woman though - big time. I had an epiphany about that one time while thumbing through the magazines. I'd still never fulfilled my wrestling fantasy, but by then I was no longer a virgin, I'd had 2 or 3 girlfriends, and again, I very much enjoyed the occasional sex I had, but I realized that if I had a choice - one wrestle with a lady who could beat me, or having sex 10 times, I'd pick the wrestle. It was my fantasy. (TOday I'd pick sex by the way, having done the wrestling fantasy many times), but at the time, 23-24 years old, still in college cause I struggled with grades more than once, broke, at that time, what I wanted more than anything else was to wrestle a lady wrestler.

I finally fulfilled that fantasy around 25 and it was wonderful. I was disappointed in that I beat her rather easily. I had weight and strength on her and I was athletic, but it was so much fun anyway. It also didn't feel dirty at all. In the back of my mind I thought wrestling a lady was fetishy and dirty, but when I did it, it was pure fun and not dirty at all. It was great, and, I was sad wen the hour was over cause I didn't want it to end. I also fell in love with the lady, but . . . those are the breaks I suppose. She still wrestles today - that lady was Robin.

Being 25, broke, trying to finish college, and horny isn't easy and having an expensive wrestling fetish on top of that - even less so, but for the record, I miss those days. There was a lot of sexual frustration, but I still look back at being 25 with fond memories. I had friends and I had fun, I was just sexually frustrated - that didn't ruin my life, it was just a challenge in my life.

And, over the years, as I started working I did a bunch more wrestling matches, I started wrestling 2 women at the same time (that was the best way I found where I lost the match), and, it was great. After 10 matches or so, my overpowering desire to be outwrestled by a lady started to ease up and I became what some people might call more normal. That's, at least, my feeling with a very overpowering fetish. Try it. I mean, try it safely. Avoiding injury is a good idea, and don't see somebody crazy, but if the fetish is that strong (like mine was) - give it a try. If you're like me, after doing it a few times, the urge might be less strong.


- - - all that said, there's nothing wrong with therapy either. Find a therapist you like though. I think probably half the planet would benefit from therapy. I think therapy (with a good therapist) is great. I tried therapy, at the urging of a GF who thought my fetish was weird, but I went because of her, not cause I wanted to, and all I ended up doing was wasting both the therapists and my time. He picked up quickly that I didn't want to be there. But if you're open to discussing with a therapist - that's a perfectly fine way to go, and I say that, in addition to suggesting you fulfill your wrestling fantasy. I'm a big fan of exploring the fantasy.

It's very common for young people to think "is there something wrong with me", but I don't think that's the right question. The young adult years are about finding yourself and it's not easy. There's supposed to be some turmoil, it's how our brains were designed.
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  #58  
Old 14-Mar-17, 23:18
brooksie brooksie is offline
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dbrouchard [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Thanks for the thoughtful response - thanks to everyone for the responses - and yes, I would say I have a problem. Like you said, can't think my way around the issue, and I'm starting to realize that. You also said if I'm with a woman I really like some of this stuff will work itself out, and I've always hoped that, but I also haven't looked for something like that because of my issues.

So, once again, yes this has become an issue for me without a doubt. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a fetish, but somewhere along the way it became an obsession which I do think is problematic. I'm starting to think the logical next step is to just go out and try and meet people and do my best to pretend I'm just like anyone else, and I'll cross the "sex" bridge when I come to it.

Anyways, all of you guys have been helpful. Even though some of the answers obviously contradict each other, it's helpful to know that I'm not alone, and that there are people who actually get my issue, so thank you.
It sounds to me as though you're beginning to get a handle on it. Based on the tone of your posts, plus the fact you brought it up on an online forum, I'm guessing you don't have anyone you can talk to about this. There are avenues available to you short of going the full-on clinical route with a psychiatrist or psychologist. There are plenty of counsellors available who, for a fairly modest fee, might be able to help you, even in one session. The key factor would be doing some research and finding someone who has dealt with these types of fetish-obsession issues. It's not all that uncommon. In fact, porn addiction is being recognized as a ever-increasing problem. Your fetish is different in type but not in it's nature. It's essentially the same thing. There's also the 12-step route, by which I mean sex-addicts groups. Even if it's just masturbation, it's the same basic pathology. Anyway, those groups are out there as another option for you. I'm just making suggestions, not recommending anything. Those are your decisions to make.

However, I continue to recommend you try putting the fetish aside for a while, if only to give yourself a chance to broaden your perspectives. This doesn't mean denying you have it or thinking you can wish it's way out of your life. As was said, try that and it will hit you like a freight train at some point down the road. You don't want to deny that you have this fetish or start thinking that there's anything necessarily wrong with it. But, like any other addiction, there are warning signs when it's turning into a problem. You may not wind up face down in a puddle of your own puke after having overdosed but the consequences could still be very severe. Basically, it's this - you don't want to end up living a lonely and unfulfilled existence. Someone wrote:

"You stated somewhere that you'll "pretend to be normal like everyone else" and I'm begging you - DON'T. Don't make the same mistake I did - which is thinking that having a fetish is some dire problem."

True, it isn't good to pretend to be something you're not. That's not what I'm advocating for. There is nothing wrong with prioritization. We do that constantly in life, putting some things ahead of others, for a variety of reasons. You wrote that I said your problems will work themselves out if you are with a woman you truly care about. Slight correction, I said I "rather suspect", which is more accurate. I don't know if your issues would resolve themselves or not. I can only guess. But I think you should try living your life that way for a while and see what happens and when I say "that way" what I mean specifically is looking for a woman who interests and attracts you without running her through the fetish wrestling template first. That's not denying your fetish or pretending to be someone you're not, it's just an experiment for a while to see what happens. It may help, it may not. That same poster also wrote:

"There are ways to engage with women to subtly let them know what you like without sounding like a straight up fetish perv. Women are not stupid and have a much stronger intuition than us."

This is another point to consider. I never wanted to develop strategies or pre-plan my approach like I'm running a military op. That's an strategy that may work for some, it's just not my style. So that's another thing to consider. If you ignore this concern or take the advice to just try to accept that you are who you are and be happy about it, bear in mind that you will have to employ these techniques for approaching women without "sounding like a straight up fetish perv" for life. And finally:

"TO ME - a fetish is a PROBLEM if it affects your regular life. AKA - you can't hold a relationship, job, or you're just unhappy all the time without it, like a drug.

This poster (Zeo) hits it on the head. This is a very good working definition of whether your obsession is becoming a problem or not. It sounds to me like you would answer yes on the relationship question and possibly also on the generally unhappy one. Unfortunately, he goes on to say...

"Just accept that this is who you are, and rather than changing yourself - aka LYING to yourself, be open about it and let things happen naturally."

...which pretty much flies in the face of what he wrote previously. If you arrive a point where you can just accept that this fetish defines you, at least in part, and are not at all embarrassed or ashamed at presenting yourself this way to the world, more power to you. There are people here who have opened themselves entirely to this part of themselves and seem to be happy, so coming to terms with it, even flourishing within it, clearly seems possible.
Still, it sounds like you're not there at this point in your life, so why not try some other ideas. Putting aside your fetish, to whatever extent that's possible for you, does not mean going into denial. The fetish will always be there. As any recovering drug addict will tell you, it's one day at a time, there is no other way. Same for you. Stop watching videos, looking at pics, visiting websites, masturbating....all of it. Give yourself some time to see if your perspective starts to alter. All of that stuff will be available to you if you decide abstinence isn't helping. You're not making any permanent decisions here.
The last thing I would say has to do with a concern I sometimes have about how women are discussed in the fetish wrestling scene.

"one is playing a dangerous game when a relationship is based only on sharing your fetish and indulging you."

This is a very important point from someone earlier in this thread and I think I said something similar as well. Any good relationship involves some give and take. It's always a matter of considering the thoughts and feeling of both people involved. It become very easy to de-humanize women in a fetish scene, seeing them as only there to "satisfy of your fetish needs." That may be fair in a world where money is exchanged for services but not in any kind on honest relationship. If you ever do get to the point where you're with a woman you like and want to introduce her to your fetish, start there. It's YOUR FETISH. She's not going to be under any obligation to indulge it. She may decide to for any number of reasons, one of which could simply be because she likes you and wants to make you happy. But always remember, just because you have this fetish doesn't mean anyone else is required to help you explore it. That's a good thought to keep in mind when sharing it with someone who it's all new to.

Last edited by brooksie; 15-Mar-17 at 07:52.
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  #59  
Old 15-Mar-17, 01:52
bruce911187 bruce911187 is offline
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mypredilection [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Good luck!!!! Really it will be so simple???? C'mon we are such a small subset of the kink fetish, we barely are a ripple..... Then we are split into so many subsections as it is.

Sorry that I have found a relationship/marriage of 30+ years and while she has caught me and this fetish, she has not indulged me at all beyond now a DADT understanding.

While I am tough and Brooksie said it much better, the op has has said enough that indicates that this classification of porn is consuming and has prohibited him from having a "NORMAL RELATIONSHIP". He can't separate this in his mind and asks whether he is asexual (he is not).

Another said he enjoyed bikinis over naked. Heck I'd say 99% look better in a bikini then naked in any case,,,,,

The point is I am tired of some here (as they of of me) telling me that all is okay and this is normal. It is a fetish and if that is the only way you can have a relationship and consummate sex, then it is probably too much.
You are taking my bikini remark out of context

I was a teenage virgin when I preferred non nude and there was nothing wrong with it.

I think I understand. Your recommendation is to get counseling, repress your preferences, pretend to be so called normal, be married 30 years, keep it secret till she catches ya, then have DADT relationship in which you seek what you want outside of your marriage.



No thanks

Last edited by bruce911187; 15-Mar-17 at 02:03.
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Old 15-Mar-17, 13:00
mypredilection mypredilection is offline
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Default Re: Am I asexual if I only like mixed wrestling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LicensetoKill [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Interesting thread, lots of good answers already. I'll just add my 2 cents.

Growing up his hard. That much is obvious. It was hard for a lot of us.

My personal experience I struggled with wanting to lose virginity - big time, so I'm not in exactly the same place as the original poster, but I also had a huge fascination with wrestling. I wanted both and being a virgin through all of high school and a year and a half of college was very painful for me, but at the same time, when I masturbated, I thought about wrestling women, not having sex with them. We all have urges and fantasies. That's 100% normal and wrestling fetish isn't uncommon.

I grew up before the internet, so all I had to go on for my wrestling fetish was the occasional magazine. Cavalier magazine had some catfight articles and spreads. Nugget, occasionally, and wrestling magazines would sometimes feature lady wrestlers and in the ads I cam across the Am-Fem catalog so I was able to find ladies who wrestled men, but I was a college student. I didn't have the $250 for an hour fee at the time. I longed to wrestle a woman though - big time. I had an epiphany about that one time while thumbing through the magazines. I'd still never fulfilled my wrestling fantasy, but by then I was no longer a virgin, I'd had 2 or 3 girlfriends, and again, I very much enjoyed the occasional sex I had, but I realized that if I had a choice - one wrestle with a lady who could beat me, or having sex 10 times, I'd pick the wrestle. It was my fantasy. (TOday I'd pick sex by the way, having done the wrestling fantasy many times), but at the time, 23-24 years old, still in college cause I struggled with grades more than once, broke, at that time, what I wanted more than anything else was to wrestle a lady wrestler.

I finally fulfilled that fantasy around 25 and it was wonderful. I was disappointed in that I beat her rather easily. I had weight and strength on her and I was athletic, but it was so much fun anyway. It also didn't feel dirty at all. In the back of my mind I thought wrestling a lady was fetishy and dirty, but when I did it, it was pure fun and not dirty at all. It was great, and, I was sad wen the hour was over cause I didn't want it to end. I also fell in love with the lady, but . . . those are the breaks I suppose. She still wrestles today - that lady was Robin.

Being 25, broke, trying to finish college, and horny isn't easy and having an expensive wrestling fetish on top of that - even less so, but for the record, I miss those days. There was a lot of sexual frustration, but I still look back at being 25 with fond memories. I had friends and I had fun, I was just sexually frustrated - that didn't ruin my life, it was just a challenge in my life.

And, over the years, as I started working I did a bunch more wrestling matches, I started wrestling 2 women at the same time (that was the best way I found where I lost the match), and, it was great. After 10 matches or so, my overpowering desire to be outwrestled by a lady started to ease up and I became what some people might call more normal. That's, at least, my feeling with a very overpowering fetish. Try it. I mean, try it safely. Avoiding injury is a good idea, and don't see somebody crazy, but if the fetish is that strong (like mine was) - give it a try. If you're like me, after doing it a few times, the urge might be less strong.


- - - all that said, there's nothing wrong with therapy either. Find a therapist you like though. I think probably half the planet would benefit from therapy. I think therapy (with a good therapist) is great. I tried therapy, at the urging of a GF who thought my fetish was weird, but I went because of her, not cause I wanted to, and all I ended up doing was wasting both the therapists and my time. He picked up quickly that I didn't want to be there. But if you're open to discussing with a therapist - that's a perfectly fine way to go, and I say that, in addition to suggesting you fulfill your wrestling fantasy. I'm a big fan of exploring the fantasy.

It's very common for young people to think "is there something wrong with me", but I don't think that's the right question. The young adult years are about finding yourself and it's not easy. There's supposed to be some turmoil, it's how our brains were designed.
Too close to my story, but never got to the session stage. Again not an overpowering fetish, just an obsession. My first release was to sports review wrestling magazines and thus that is what I equated to sexuality. I always knew I wanted sex and that was about it. However it was also the words and the stories that got me too.

I also remember that I did get worried whether normal sex would work and then thinking I better see if I can rub one out to simply pictures of naked females. It worked and that was that.

Again the urge is not that great that I walk down the street (or would ogle women in class) and wonder how they'd be in a wrestling scenario.

Heck I've never seen a live wrestling match. So again while I'm here and on sites and searching way too much, it is not all consuming or affects my life with my spouse.

I guess I consider myself very lucky.
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