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Old 13-Aug-17, 22:54
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Default True stroy: If the wife is physically stronger than her husband

True story from Jambo asking advice about his marrige where his wife wanna take the physicly dominant role by getting stronger than him.
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If the wife is physically stronger than her husband, will she lose respect for him?

Jambo5

My wife has been working out with weights now for about a year. She has always been dominant in the bedroom, and she has asked me to get slimmer (so I've been cycling and trail running, and not doing any weights). I was already fit, but I have really slimmed down. We are now both 5'7", 140 lbs, she may be even more now. Because of the weights, she has become obviously stronger and more muscular than I am, particularly in the arms and in overall upper body strength. We seem to have an extremely solid relationship, but I am concerned that she will become less interested in me because I am smaller than her. Are there any other married couples out there where this type of match has worked out? (or not worked out - so to speak).

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Blanca

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe it bothers you, though? Do you feel less attracted to her because she might be stronger then you?

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Mavash
When I met my husband he was 5'11" and 135 pounds. I weighed 108. I really paid it no mind.

If she hasn't said anything I wouldn't worry about it.
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Kathrynthegreat - female

I used to box competitively and was also as strong as my husband in some lifts, stronger than him in others. Never bothered me or him. I always knew I married a naturally skinny guy. He was still better at plenty other "manly" things like taking a pile of parts and turning them into a beautiful hot rod, or fixing anything that broke.

Taken to its extreme, the thought process that a man should *always* be physically stronger than his wife begs the question of what happens in the case of serious illness, injury, stroke, paraplegia, etc.
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jambo5 - male - original poster

I appreciate the responses. I think the problem that no one (except perhaps Bianca) is responding to is that my wife explicitly told me that she wanted me to NOT lift weights, and that she wanted me to be slim and fit. I actually love the way that we feel together now, it's pretty exciting - but I'm concerned that deep down although she thinks that she wants this - there's going to be some hardwired part of her that will find me to be less attractive.

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jambo5 -

That's what I'm concerned about Tacoma. However, would your wife be interested in weightlifting and developing her upper body strength? Because my wife definitely is into it. And would your wife ever ask you to stop lifting weights? These two facts alone may indicate that our two spouses are quite different. Can you ask your wife if she has known any women that may have a similar propensity?
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Inside_Looking_Out -female

I am half a foot taller than my husband and about 60 lbs heavier than him (although I have been loosing weight, and hope to get to a point where I am only 20 lbs heavier or so).

He is strong, but just because of the sheer difference in height and weight, I can throw him around if I wanted to. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's all about the attitude...not the actual physical attributes.

Think about it for a sec. I am a shapely, overweight woman...I have friends that are svelte and the 'ideal' weight and size. But if we are out and about, I am the one that gets more attention. Why? Because I am approachable, friendly and confident. I like sex, I like men, I like myself, and it shows. My skinnier friends, one has confidence issues and the other is a b*%^&. That shows too.

As long as you don't 'act the wimp', then I wouldn't see why you wouldn't be all man in her eyes. A bit of ****iness and confidence makes you the manliest beast out there...that's what attracted me to my husband...all 5'1" of him.
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67flh - male

sounds like she REALLY wants to dominate you even more in the bedroom.
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Crossbar - male
Huh? Why the hell would your wife instruct you to NOT to lift weights? Did she give you a good answer to this?
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tacoma - male

No she isn`t and you`re right it does seem to be a difference in what your wife is interested in and what most other women are interested in.

Have you asked her why she doesn`t want you to lift?
Maybe it`s her kink,thing, or something and going against it would be a mistake in this situation.

Ask her what`s up with her request because you were considering hitting the weights again....just ask her.
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Enchantment - female

Hi jambo ~

Do YOU have a problem with her being stronger?

Do YOU have a problem with her being more dominant (and maybe not just in the bedroom, if you are so willing to do the things, like slimming down, that she asks)?

Do YOU want to lift weights again?

Not sure that I would worry too much about what happens in other people's relationships - you two and your relationship are unique to you.

If these things bother YOU, then bring them up with her and work to address them.

Best wishes.
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jambo5 - original poster

Thanks to everyone for the myriad of responses. My wife and I had a talk about this, and she wants a "female led relationship" and she is just turned on by being dominant. I'm OK with it, and I'm going to give it a try. So, no weights for me, just push ups. And lots of cardio.
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Entropy3000 - female

Great. I do not think anyone is shocked here that this was the case or that you would be ok with it. Enjoy.

I think I am going to go workout now. LOL.


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heartsbeating - female

Okay, you two do what you feel is both suited to you.

I can't help but wonder though, what dominance has to do with muscle strength/bulk? I'd get it if she was turned-on by an athletic physique compared to a body-builder physique and that's why she'd be suggesting more cardio.... dominance, to me, isn't about muscles though. And I do wonder what "female led" means too? Is she threatened/insecure by your physical stature (or potential) as a male?

Maybe it's not for me to know. I'm just curious 'tis all. Wonder if you'd indulge me.
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jambo5

I'm still a bit insecure about it. Time will tell.
My wife has always been more physical than me overall, and has always taken the lead in the bedroom. SHe loves to hold me down on the bed. She tells me that she just wants to be the dominant partner, that she wants to be stronger than me and in control. That is exciting to her and makes her feel fulfilled in the relationship as well, according to her. She is part Cherokee, and I guess they have a history of strong women, so perhaps it's part genetic? Anyway, here you go:
Female Led Marriage - where women lead the home [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
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tacoma View Post

I don`t know what the big deal is, if this works for them then it works for them.
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Whatever works indeed.

I have no issue with this accept that rather than deal with a better balance for two partners, the answer is to just flip the perceived control. I think much of this is an over compensation. Really it just seems to flip the sterotype. There is still a masculine and a feminine. It is just that there is a gender role flip. If this is really who those people are then more power to them.

But yes, you are correct whatever works for them.
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Jambo5
OK - I gave it a go, but it's not working for me. I think we're going to limit the FLR (female led relationship) to the bedroom.
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Randomdude
I'm having a similar problem with the missus ever since she started taking up BJJ recently...

Though she has not reached the stage where she can take me on yet, I am increasingly threatened of her skills knowing that one day, she can literally kick my ass.
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Entropy3000
One big difference here is that his wife wants him to remain weak. In your case your wife is improving herself.

Do you really feel ... threatened?

What do you do to improve yourself physically? I guess this goes back to Spartan times when the husband would come home and fight his woman. He had to prove himself worthy of having sex. LOL.
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Randomdude -
Well, I've always dominated the grappling arena, I've even dated a kickboxer before, but I could always restrain her. JJJ however...

"Using other's strength against themselves"?
I don't really like the sound of that, or getting my ass kicked by my own wife, there's a certain pride bubble that I do not like to get popped! And yes my wife and I do wrestle, for fun, and foreplay, hence I do feel threatened. Also knowing her, I don't want her to have the physical authority to do what she wishes with me (I've also banned cuffs/restraints from our sex life remember)
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Jambo5
What happened? Too much, too fast. It's been fun in the bedroom, it's like her sexual appetite increased alot, increasingly sexy when she goes to the weight room, and I'm grudgingly OK with her taking over our financial decisions (although I make more than 3 times her salary). But I have found that I can't tolerate it in public places (being subservient) or with family, the traditional male role thing is too ingrained in me. I also hate cleaning house, and I'm not good at it and really just can't get into it. She seems to be super-excited by my "progress", and really adore my new slimmer body, but this seems to be where I draw the line. I will say that it's pretty amazing how quickly her using the weights (and me not) has changed our bodies. It feels great to be slim and fit, I'm getting into yoga along with cycling and running. And she definitely 100% feels more sexy and self-confident being strong. And she is definitely the physicly more dominant of us now and she love it. The fact that I am willing to do all of this seems to have boosted our connection to each other, at least for now. But there's only so far I am willing to go here, and at first she got upset, but now compromise seems to be working.


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That Girl -female

I have been weight lifting and it's awesome. Hubs started the other day I made him feel my muscles, he knows mine are bigger, LOL

Pick up the weights, dude. I do it while watching tv.
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Morituri
I suppose that there are those women who embrace femdom who are very careful that their agreed upon 'domination' doesn't destroy their husbands love for them and eventually leave them, but there are also women who become addicted to the power trip and begin to mutate into creatures only interested in getting their power fix at any cost. Some can handle power without it corrupting them, while others simply can't.
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Jambo5

I'm beginning to think that the people on this website are not very open-minded. I will tell you that since I've dropped from 160 lbs and muscular to 140 and slim/fit that women definitely find me MORE attractive than they used to (including my wife, of course). I suspect many woman prefer men to be slim and about their own size or smaller. I've also found that men seem to find my wife more attractive with her strong and fit physique. So, all of this talk about me "beefing up" and her being more feminine just doesn't seem to be reflected in reality - just old stereotypes that die hard. And it's a defense mechanism....most men just want to eat, eat, and eat, do zero aerobic activity, and then they lift weights to try to hide their jelly roll. And most women starve themselves to keep their figures rather than exercise and eat well, and they just look unhealthy. By comparison, a strong fit healthy woman looks damn good.
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Entropy3000
LOL. Awesome dude. Glad you like your new weight. Enjoy. I am not open to lessening myself in any way. So yeah I am close minded to purposely being weak. I am close minded to a lot of other negative things as well. Remember the point was for you to be weaker. That is just sad from my perspective. But what ever you want I suppose.

Women starving themselves is very very sad. This is a malady. Not something good.

Stong healthy fit women are awesome. They deserve a strong fit hubby too.

With all due repsect I don't you are being totally serious with us. At least I hope not.

Could you let your wife take the keyboard now?
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Jambo5
Yes, I am being totally serious. And my wife would not be happy if she knew that I was talking about our relationship on a website. Finally, I'm not weak - my legs are quite strong from the cycling (I live in the mountains). Upper body is fit - I do pushups (30 a day). Just no weights. And this is just what we like as a couple, but I can tell you that a fit guy with good legs seems to be more appealing than when I was thick and muscled up. At least where I live it seems to be (the rural south).
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Mr The Other
There are women that want their men slimmer than themselves. I had this with a girlfriend who liked to be dominant and she expressed a similar preference; that I should be slim to small shoulders.
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sounds like she REALLYwants to dominate you even more in the bedroom.
Clearly. If he is OK with being dominated, then that is fine. He should be warned that it will not end when they leave the bedroom. If he is happy with that, they will be very happy together.


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Jorgegene
I once dated a gal much younger than me and a big strong girl.
She knew judo and a bit of karate. she supposedly had beaten up a guy or two over the years. She told me she could take me down and she did. Actually it was kind of a turn on to me.
I never let her dominate me in the relationship at all, but the physical strength was kind of a turn on.
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Rikcat- Female
I myself would not worry about it...only because I would love to be a lot more stronger than my husband..as a matter of fact I do not want my husband to workout only because I know he will become way more stronger than me. I myself try to workout with weights not regularity like I would like to...but my intentions are to someday beat the crap out of him on a regular whether he needed it or not....just saying hehe

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