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Old 17-Nov-17, 22:22
Boze_Turk Boze_Turk is offline
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This is a little side story of [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]. I just couldn’t resist the temptation to write this.

When Маркус Адрианов Адрианусовић (Markus Adrianov Adrianusović) was just 20 years old, he only recently passed his driving exam. He failed three times before, but after taking a new driving instructor, everything went uphill. Being very proud of his driving license, he went to buy an old and cheap Yugo car and drove around in Serbia, just for the fun of it. Most of his spare time was being spent on starting the engine and visiting neighbouring countries, like Bosnia and Hercegovina, Croatia, Romania, Montenegro, Makedonia etcetera. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović just loved the experience of sitting in a car, driving around for no other reason than the fun of it while listening to some Serbian or Russian patriotic war songs.

Markus Adrianov Adrianusović was a quite tall guy, let’s say 191 centimetres, who loved driving cars, chess, mathematics and computer programming.

If there was one thing Markus Adrianov Adrianusović didn’t like, it was tailgaters; people who drive just half a meter behind your bumper. And it were mostly women who exhibited that kind of behaviour. The more often Markus Adrianov Adrianusović experienced such aggressive drivers, the more he started thinking that women shouldn’t be allowed behind the steering wheel. After all, tailgating results in a highly increased chance of an accident. It’s dangerous. It also makes him uncomfortable, but he refused to drive harder when being tailgated. „That’s just what they want me do to“, he thought, so instead, he had the habit of slowing down whenever a vehicle was keeping such a small distance. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović had no problems at all driving 30 km/hour under the speed limit to piss off some tailgaters. After all, he wasn’t in a hurry. He didn’t even have a real destination. He drove around for the fun of it, not because he was late for an appointment whatsoever.

All went well except for one instance.

Markus Adrianov Adrianusović drove around in Croatia, being irritated by the expensive gasoline. Every single gas station he met, was more expensive than what he was used to in Serbia. „Gasoline must be heavily taxed here“, he thought. Nevertheless, he needed to refuel and get going, so he was forced to refuel the overly expensive gasoline.

That wasn’t the instance I was talking about. Here it comes.

So Markus Adrianov Adrianusović was driving around on the highway, but the usual speed limit of 130 km/hour was changed to 100 km/hour. „Very well then“, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović thought, and drove 100 km/hour on the right lane, just like he was supposed to. Then there was a truck in front of him, driving 90 km/hour, which is, by the way, a violation of the speed limit; they are only allowed to drive 80 km/hour. Still, 90 km/hour is less than 100 km/hour, and Markus Adrianov Adrianusović wanted to drive the speed limit, so he looked to the left, in his left side mirror and into this interior mirror, just to be sure. No cars. He used his indicators to show that he was switching lanes and started to overtake the truck. The truck appeared to be driving harder than 90 km/hour. He was driving... maybe 98 km/hour? „How is this even possible? Don’t they have speed limiters that don’t allow them to go faster than 90 km/hour?“. Nevertheless, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović stayed on the passing lane, passing by the truck, but very, very slowly, since the speed difference wasn’t that big.

Suddenly, a huge car appeared into his mirror view of vision; a grey SUV in his interior mirror and side mirrors. That SUV was driving WAY too close. „Ugh, another tailgater!“, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović said to himself. Instead of maintaining his current speed and slowly overtake the truck, he decided to slow down a bit and keep exactly the same speed as the truck next to him, just to let the tailgater know that her behaviour wasn’t being rewarded.

Yes, it’s a her. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović looked into his interior mirror and confirmed that the tailgating vehicle was driving by a young woman with brown hair. She started flashing her lights as to signal to drive faster, but Markus Adrianov Adrianusović responded by tapping the brake; not actually braking, but just so that the young woman saw the brake lights turn on for a second as a signal to keep distance. She ignored the signal and kept tailgating. „It must be a dumb woman“, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović thought to himself.

Ten minutes later, and the woman is still tailgating him. „This isn’t working“, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović thought, „I will need to actually brake-check her in order for her to understand that she is keeping too little distance.“

Markus Adrianov Adrianusović braked to 70 km/hour, but the woman driving behind him didn’t brake at all. She just directly rammed into Markus Adrianov Adrianusović’s Yugo car, making Markus Adrianov Adrianusović lose control over his vehicle and even scratch his vehicle to the guardrail.

Markus Adrianov Adrianusović wasn’t actually hurt. He was just shocked. His very first accident, caused by another driver’s tailgating behaviour. This was just a confirmation of the resentment he already had towards these people. Still, recovering quite quickly from the inner shock, he took his camera, checked if there were no passing vehicles and stepped out of the car, leaving the music player on, which was still playing. The front of the SUV also had light damage, but his Yugo was in worse shape than the SUV. The woman also stepped out of her car, being extremely mad.

„Why the FUCK were you driving slow in the passing lane? And what came over to you to suddenly brake? There was no traffic ahead of you! ASSHOLE! You are paying for the damage you have caused.“

„I was driving the speed limit. I am not allowed to go any faster than that. And why am I being accused of causing damage if you were the one that crashed into me?“, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović said.

„YOU WERE BRAKING WITH NO REASON!!! HOW COULD I HAVE EXPECTED THAT!?!?!?!?“, the young brown-haired woman screamed, with a slight accent.

„Actually, I did have reason; haven’t you seen the bird in front of me? Furthermore, even if I didn’t have a reason to brake, you are still supposed to keep a distance that is big enough to stop your car if my car was to freeze in an instant. With a deceleration of 4 meter per square second, a reaction time of one second and a speed of 100 kilometres an hour, you need 125 meters distance to be able to stop your vehicle when the car in front of you freezes. You, on the other hand, were driving half a meter behind me, which is obviously not big enough to stop your car in time. Therefore, you and you alone are guilty of this car accident.“

„YOU IMBECILE!!! SAVE ME YOUR MATHEMATICS. YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE!!!“

„My purpose was to prevent killing a bird, in which I have succeeded, despite of you crashing into me. Be glad that I did that. It saved a bird’s life!“

„FUCK BIRDS! A HUMAN LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN AN ANIMAL’S LIFE!!!“

“I agree, but we aren’t dead, are we? If the choice was to get both killed on behalf of the bird’s life, I would have taken the bird’s life, but that wasn’t the case.“

„YOU DESTROYED MY FATHER’S CAR!!!“

„Actually, you destroyed my car. Your car has far less damage than mine does. The little damage that your car does have, is solely caused by you. And by the way, good luck explaining this to your father. ;-) “

„YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!!!“

„Actually, no, I will not pay the damage you have done to your vehicle. On the other hand, since you damaged my car so badly, I think you should be paying for the damage you have caused to my car.“

„I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!“

„Calm down“, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović said. With that, he turned his camera on and made some photographs of the situation: both his and her car, from different angles, and also of the environment.

Then Markus Adrianov Adrianusović walked to his damaged car, took a form, filled it in, signed it and walked to the angry young brown-haired woman to fill it in. She refused to write or sign anything. A moment of total quiteness occured, when the girl suddenly heard a song playing from Markus Adrianov Adrianusović’s car radio:

„Загреб нам је далеко, Сарајево још даље, па вам Србин поздрав по гранати шаље“

„WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LISTENING TO!!!“, the girl screamed at the top of her voice.

„A Yugoslavian war song, from the 1990s.“

„BUT THEY SING ABOUT SHELLING ZAGREB AND SARAJEVO!!!“

„So? That’s what you do in a war: you shell enemies.“

„Why do you even come to Croatia if you hate it so much that you want to shell our capital?“

„I don’t hate Croatia. I don’t particularly like it either, since the gasoline is expensive, the women are ugly and you solely use the Latin alphabet, which hurts my eyes when reading it, but at least you have a beautiful environment and nature here.“

„WHAT?!?!?!? DO YOU CALL ME UGLY?!?!?!!?“

„Yes, your face is scary to look at, especially in this state.“

„DAMN, I WANT TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW. LET’S FIGHT OVER IT!!!“

The rest of the conversation was boring, so I won’t bother you with the details, but what basically happened, is that the Croatian judge decided that Markus Adrianov Adrianusović was right and should be compensated for the damage his car received. The angry girl, who happened to be Myrna Gović, didn’t agree and insisted on having a fight with Markus Adrianov Adrianusović which would decide who would pay for the damage of both cars. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović on the one hand didn’t feel anything for it. He had already achieved his goal and just wanted to drive further. On the other hand, he had seen Myrna Gović’s bare arms, legs and feet. She appeared to be quite a strong girl, and Markus Adrianov Adrianusović was attracted to strong girls. He often fantasised about a girl with strong legs putting him in various headscissors to make him tap out. „Girls like this are rare and sexy, but if I lose, I shall have to pay for the damage she caused.“

But, still, opportunities like this didn’t present themselves that often, and Markus Adrianov Adrianusović really wanted his fantasy to come true, so he still agreed, even though he didn’t have to.

Markus Adrianov Adrianusović stood in Myrna Gović’s garden, barefoot with lightbrown shorts and a white T-shirt. Myrna Gović wore a blue dress that stopped just above her knees, showing off her strong calves, beautiful feet and her arms. Her arms weren’t particularly strong looking, but her legs were.

Markus Adrianov Adrianusović and Myrna Gović approached each other, after which Romania Gović, Myrna Gović’s little sister, announced „Start!“.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Markus Adrianov Adrianusović didn’t really know what to do. He wasn’t furious or something. He felt bad about attacking and hurting Myrna Gović, even though she tailgated him and caused an accident. It was all settled. Why would he want to hurt her now?

Myrna Gović, however, had no scruples about attacking Markus Adrianov Adrianusović. She immediately approached Markus Adrianov Adrianusović, moving gracefully with her dress moving around, when suddenly she rotated her body slightly, took a stance on one foot and moved her leg up and delivered Markus Adrianov Adrianusović a sidekick, making her bare footsole connect with his chin. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović staggered backwards. He was slightly disoriented, but then it came to him what happened. A girl just gave him a kick, and a very strong one at that! Before being able to process his next move, Myrna Gović stood right before him again and slapped his cheek with the front of her foot, and then immediately repeated that move with the ball of that foot.

It all went so fast that Markus Adrianov Adrianusović couldn’t even block these moves. Then he saw Myrna Gović withdrawing her foot, after which she crashed her sole into his abdomen, making him double over in pain and lose most of his breath.

„You didn’t expect that from a mere girl, did you?“, Myrna Gović said with a smirk.

Then Myrna Gović grabbed Markus Adrianov Adrianusović by the shoulders, fell backwards and threw him over with her foot against his stomach, resulting in Markus Adrianov Adrianusović falling on his back on the grass. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović was surprised at the strength he felt her apply in that leg of hers. Just one leg that threw his body over. One leg!

Just when Markus Adrianov Adrianusović stood up, his wrist was grabbed and he was being thrown to the ground over Myrna Gović’s shoulder. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović came down with a hard thud. He was slightly dazed because of this. How did she do that so fast? Why couldn’t he counter any of her moves? She couldn’t be that much stronger than him!

Getting frustrated, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović leapt to his feet and took a fighting stance against Myrna Gović, this time being extremely cautious at what she might do. Myrna Gović smirked at Markus Adrianov Adrianusović, knowing that she put fear into him. She was already breaking him mentally, giving him serious doubts on whether or not he could handle her. She would make him regret his decision to accept her fighting proposal, slowly. The realisation of his mistake would become more apparent after each second.

Myrna Gović then walked to Markus Adrianov Adrianusović casually and confidently, like there was no fight going on. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović raised his alertness in case of a sneak attack. Then suddenly - KNACK - he felt a very hard fist connecting with his nose, maybe breaking it. Huge pain came to his nose and the area around it. Tears came to his eyes and blood began dripping from his nose to his chin and down to his throat; some of then fell to the ground. Myrna Gović just punched him, right in the nose, without him even seeing her doing it. He was fully alert, yet didn’t see this one coming. Then Myrna Gović’s hand grabbed his bloody chin. Just as Markus Adrianov Adrianusović was about to swat her hand away, he felt a powerful slap to his left cheek, followed by a knee into his stomach, making him double over in pain while his nose kept bleeding.

Markus Adrianov Adrianusović took a tissue out of his pocket to clean up the blood from his face. It didn’t seem to have the desired effect, since the blood kept coming and his whole tissue seemed to get drained in blood. Then he suddenly felt two slender yet powerful arms enveloping his throat in a sleeper hold. He grabbed those arms at an attempt to free himself, but found himself unsuccesful in doing so. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović tried his best to free himself, but those arms still managed to take away the blood flow to his brains. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović’s vision began to darken; then it went all black for him.

********

As Markus Adrianov Adrianusović woke up, he felt something heavy and warm on his chest. As his vision began to clear up every so slowly, he realised that there was someone standing over him, keeping a foot on his chest. A brown-haired woman in a blue dress, with bare arms and legs and a beautiful foot. Then he realised who that person was: it was the tailgater girl that crashed into him! Then he realised that he was in a fight. When she looked down at him, Myrna Gović said: „I just stopped your bleeding. Aren’t I a nice girl?“

„What happened to me?“, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović asked.
Myrna Gović: „I knocked you out!“
Markus Adrianov Adrianusović: „How?“
„With these“, Myrna Gović said, as she did a double bicep pose. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović was astonished to see her biceps. They were much larger than he expected! Two mounds grew on her arms, making her arms seem incredibly strong for a girl her height. He never expecting something like it. Sure, her legs looked strong, but her arms didn’t. He thought her strength was only in her lower body.

„Surprised, aren’t you? These are the muscles that bore into your arteries! Come here, so they can knock you out again!“, Myrna Gović said.

„I will pass on that one“, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović said while grabbing Myrna Gović’s ankle and trying to push it away, but Myrna Gović just firmly planted it on his chest again, with some added force to it. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović also noticed an awful odour that came from her foot. They stank! He then decided to turn to his stomach with all of his might, in which he succeeded. Then he brang himself up on his hands and knees and quickly shot his elbow backwards, connecting with she side of Myrna Gović’s leg, between her knee and thigh. The impact of the hit visible and audibly hurted her. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović crawled away a few inches and then kicked backwards, his foot connecting again with Myrna Gović’s leg, making her fall down in agony in her leg. As Markus Adrianov Adrianusović stood up, he said: „I am not paying a penny to the damage caused by a tailgater.“

„WAIT!!!“, Myrna Gović screamed at the top of her voice. Then she tried to stand up, but her left leg refused to support her and she fell down again.

„You really are a fighting machine to be reckoned with, but without your legs to use, you are as helpless as the Dutchbat in Srebrenica was without air support.“, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović said.

„Don’t run away. Stay and fight, asshole!“

„I am surprised by your incredible reaction speed. Honestly, you completely overwhelmed me in the beginning of our fight. This is truly something to be proud of. But, that makes me wonder, if your reaction time is so low, then why did you still crash into me when I lowered my speed? Did you crash into me intentionally?“

As Myrna Gović didn’t know what to say in response, Markus Adrianov Adrianusović finally said: „You truly are a disgusting person.“

Despite of the pain in Myrna Gović’s leg, she stood up, yet uncomfortably. She tried to speed up to Markus Adrianov Adrianusović to tackle him from behind, but didn’t manage to, since Markus Adrianov Adrianusović turned around, grabbed Myrna Gović’s wrist in a wrist lock, threw her to the ground while maintaining the wrist lock and from there controlled her movements. Then he said: „Don’t bother. I am a yellow belt in Jiujitsu and am about to get my orange one. Your only advantage was your faster reaction time, and with that gone due to the pain in your legs, you blew your only chance you had to beat me. Now the fight is over. I am not willing to hurt nor humiliate you. I have nothing to prove since the judge already decided that you are paying for all the damage. Just accept your loss.“

„You already lost the fight when I knocked you out!“, Myrna Gović protested.

„Wrong. We decided that the winner would be chosen by submission, not by knockout.“

Markus Adrianov Adrianusović then increased the pressure on the wrist lock, making Myrna Gović scream out her submission, after which he relinquished the hold. Markus Adrianov Adrianusović then walked away, stepped into his yet to be repaired Yugo car and drove to a nearby garage. The bill was sent to Myrna Gović, which she paid. Myrna Gović’s father didn’t allow his daughter to drive his car any more, so Myrna Gović was forced to buy a Trabant for 100 euros, but she didn’t know how to drive it because of the retarded shifting system and was finally forced to take the public transport instead.
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