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Old 14-Mar-15, 07:07
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Default My Evil Neighbor

Introduction:
When I was nine years old life was pretty good. In my young mind there were only three things that were truly wrong in the world: math class, whenever my brother got the last cookie in the box, and my 7 year old neighbor Suzie. Suzie was the worst. She was 60 pounds of pure evil, who's sole purpose in life was to drive me crazy!

Prologue
It started off innocently enough, she came over after school one day when my brother and I were playing "Knights" in the backyard. Suzie asked if she could join our game but I had to inform her that there were no girl knights (didn't know about Joan of Arc yet, come on I was nine!) so if we wanted our game to be historically accurate she couldn't play with us. Or maybe I just shouted "NO GIRLS ALOUD". Really who can remember these things? Anyway so one thing lead to another and she ended up saying the only reason that I wouldn't let her play is because I was scared of losing to a girl, so naturally I had to challenge her to a duel. The duel was going my way and I felt like I was about to win when all of a sudden Suzie slipped forward and quickly kissed me on the cheek. I did what any ten year old boy would do and freaked out because eww cooties, and she used the distraction to disarm me. This was the beginning of my relationship with Suzie and the origin of her two favourite ways to bother me, kissing me and telling me that she was stronger than me. Even though sword fighting isn't even really about strength but whatever. This wasn't the only time this happened unfortunately, and this story is about the time I got it the worst.

Suzie was an incredibly sneaky girl and she made a routine of sneaking up on me when I wasn't looking, grabbing my head and kissing me on the cheek. She always followed this up by telling me that, since she was SOO much stronger than me, she could've easily pinned me down and done but she wanted to spare me the embarrassment, but that was obviously a lie. This is the story of the time I decided to show her how much stronger than her I was.

The Fight

It was just an average school day and I was eating food in the cafeteria with my friends Tommy and Ryan. We were having a heated debate over who would win in a fight between Optimus Prime and Mewtwo (obviously him) when Suzie ran up and kissed me on the cheek, making a horribly loud sound. Now I wasn't a fan of these kisses at home, but the fact that she'd planted one on me at school was taking it too far.

"Hey cutie! Hope you liked your kiss!" Suzie teased me in super high pitched voice, god I hated her.

"Get out of her before I smack you one!" I yelled at her, I wasn't gonna look like a chump in front of my boys.

"Haha we both know I'm stronger than you little boy! I could pin you right here and kiss you all day if I really wanted to!" Suzie sneered. That was the last draw I couldn't back down from that!

"Prove it!" I screamed. By now the other kids had noticed what was happening and decided to come watch the fight. Now I had never been in a fight before but I figured Suzie probably hadn't either so I was probably gonna be fine.

We locked hands to begin the fight and my confidence crumbled almost immediately as Suzie pushed me down and I went to one knee, how strong was she? I was about to get pinned down by a second grader, and a second grade girl no less! So in an act of desperation I reached out and pulled Suzie's hair.

"Ha what kind of little girl pulls hair?" Suzie teased to the amusment of the crowd. "Now watch me pin this cute little boy!" Suzie squealed and tackled me, sending us both sprawling to the floor. Before I knew what was happening Suzie was on top of me, pinning both of my hands behind my head, I had lost and it hadn't even been close. "Told ya sweetie! Now I can kiss you to my heart's content!" Suzie stuck to her word as she began showering my now unprotected face with kisses to the cheers of the audience who were clearly enjoying the younger girls triumph.

"Eww get off of me Suzie!" I whimpered, as I wriggled around underneath her trying unsuccessfully to escape. I pushed with all my strength against her arms but she didn't even budge. This girl I had looked at as inferior in every way had dominated me completely.

"I'll only get off of you if you tell all these nice people that I'm stronger than you and that you love me! SAY IT NOW!" Suzie demanded as she went back to kissing me feverishly. I obviously couldn't say that, it'd ruin me. "You better say it now or I'll kiss you right on the lips!" Suzie threatened to the gasps of the crowd. Being kissed on the lips by Suzie in front of all these people would be like a living nightmare, but I simply couldn't give in to her.

"No way in he-" I tried to refuse her demands but my protests were stopped when she kissed me on the lips. I received no mercy after that point as Suzie continuously kissed me on the lips while everyone in the crowd laughed and pointed at me. This was way too much for me and I broke down and started crying in front of everyone. I was done, I had to give in. Brokenheartedly I gave in to Suzie.

"You're stronger than me! You're stronger Suzie! And I love you!" I screamed, desperate to escape from this hellacious torture. Suzie beamed and squealed clearly excited with her triumph. The she took one final victory kiss, straight on the lips, and punctuated it with a loud MWAH!

"Ask me to be your girlfriend!" Suzie demanded, and I didn't even fight it, I just kept crying.

"Please be my girlfriend Suzie, I love you so much!" I sobbed.

"Haha as if I'd date a crybaby weakling like you!" Suzie said as she got off of me, and celebrated her win with her new fans.

And that is why I will always hate Suzie!
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