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View Poll Results: How do you feel about your sexuality?
I love it, and I don't care who knows! 14 10.29%
I'm happy with it, and I've told a few people that I trust, but I don't want it to be public. 30 22.06%
I like it personally, but I'm hesitant to talk about it with anybody else. 56 41.18%
I'm not sure how I feel. 8 5.88%
Sexually, it's what gets me off. I dislike it in all other aspects of my life. 19 13.97%
I try not to think about it. 4 2.94%
I'm actively trying to change. 5 3.68%
Voters: 136. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 13-Jul-14, 06:02
fuhfuhfakename fuhfuhfakename is offline
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Exclamation Are you "Out?"

Alrighty, boys! I'm taking a second to come out of storytelling mode to start a serious thread. Gonna hit you with some personal stuff, then ask and elaborate on the title question for this thread. Got it? Good boy!

I was talking to my boyfriend about this (funfact: I'm a woman and I have a boyfriend )

ANYWAY, I was talking to my boyfriend, and we're both kind of under the impression that being interested in femdom is not an addiction or a disease or something that's wrong with you because of porn.

I think femdom is a sexual preference, just like gay or bi or trans or whatever else. There're tons of straight guys who only climax from certain positions. There're plenty of girls I know who have trouble climaxing at all, just because they're kinda shy to tell their men what they like. I didn't even start reading erotic fiction until about a year and a half ago, and I'm still not very big on porn. I DID always like the idea of dominating a man, though. I always wanted to be the one asking "Whose bitch are you?" and hear him scream my name. This isn't because I was treated in a weird way growing up, or because or some kind of deep-seated hatred for men, I just really like the feeling of being in control during sex. I really and truly believe that love of femdom can be exacerbated by porn, but I don't think it's a weird sexual problem. I just think it's a different sexual preference.


I bring this up because I get a feeling from the discussion threads that a lot of guys on here are ashamed of their preference or want to change. I really don't see why. I know plenty of girls just like me who like being on top. Sure, it's kind of something we don't talk about in "normal" society, but I just wanna know:


Who's still in the "Closet" ("Dungeon" for us?), and who's open about their sexual preferences?

I've met extremely attractive boys who I'd love to have dominated, but they were too shy to talk about what they liked. I've read through discussions on here, and I see men who've created accounts on a site more or less dedicated to femdom that seem ashamed of their own sexual preferences.

That being said, I just wanna know:

Are you in the "closet?" (Dungeon?)

What would it take for you to tell the person who's intimate with you that you like femdom and wanna be dominated/dominate?

Are you aware of communities other than this site or fetlife where you can openly express your sexual interests and desires?

There's long been a strong movement for sexual liberation and equal rights for people who like different things, but I feel like virtually all the attention has gone to the LGBT community, and ours gets largely been ignored. I also think that this wouldn't be the case if we could just get people to see that you don't have to be weird or crazy to enjoy non-vanilla sex.

So, are you out? Do your friends know? Do you still think you're suffering from porn-related complications? How much of an impact would it make on your life if you could see relationships like the ones we like represented on TV with some semblance of dignity?

Let's get a conversation going, people! Let's stop letting people who don't understand our sexuality telling us we're the weird ones!
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  #2  
Old 13-Jul-14, 17:41
jojo jojo is offline
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Default Re: Are you "Out?"

My close friends know, and I'm quite open, right away, with girls I'm dating; have been for years now.
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  #3  
Old 13-Jul-14, 18:41
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georgejohnson georgejohnson is offline
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Default Re: Are you "Out?"

I wouldn't tell anyone except women I'd dated and had more "vanilla" sex with a few times, and those I've sessioned with obviously.

I've never seen a reason to talk to another man or female friend about it IRL. I think it's more fun to keep it a relative secret actually.
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  #4  
Old 13-Jul-14, 23:58
enigma enigma is offline
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Default Re: Are you "Out?"

I feel like admitting that you're into this sort of thing is a little different from admitting your orientation. Telling someone your bi or gay just means letting them know what kind of person you like to be romantically involved with. Telling someone your into femdom or something like that gives them very specific ideas about what kind of sex you like. I mean its one thing to tell people I like women but saying I like femdom starts getting into the specifics of I like sexually and thats a little more personal.

I think I'd have a hard time admitting this to the person I was intimate with (if I had one) because many people see this as weird and if we broke up I would never know if she would tell someone behind my back. I know places like fetlife exist but I've heard from more than one guy in the community that finding women that like being dominant is often hard, much more so than the reverse. I'd also never go to any sort of public event and honestly I'd probably have little in common with most of the people there since there are only certain things about femdom that I like, mostly wrestling related. If there was a way for me to get rid of this interest completely, I probably would since it'd make things easier.
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  #5  
Old 14-Jul-14, 06:02
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qwertyuio qwertyuio is offline
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Default Re: Are you "Out?"

Definitely in the closet for me and I doubt I will ever tell anyone I know in "real life". The only person who has ever known about my fetish in "real life" was a session wrestler I dated, but since we wrestled before dating I obviously didn't have to admit anything to her.

Fetlife doesn't work for me because it seems like the crowd there are all leather & chain, dominatrix, gothic type crowd. I'm not really into that type of stuff, I just like an attractive athletic girl to be able to kick my ass in a wrestling match and dominate me after
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  #6  
Old 14-Jul-14, 06:04
fuhfuhfakename fuhfuhfakename is offline
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Default Re: Are you "Out?"

I mean, there're definitely associations people make with this preference, but there were a lot of weird ideas about gay people when their pride movement first started.

Wouldn't it be cool to not have to hide?
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  #7  
Old 15-Jul-14, 16:41
Milkas
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Default Re: Are you "Out?"

I like femdom, its only thing that turns me on.But honestly i will never try it irl besauce i just couldnt live when knowing that girl had beaten and humiliated me.
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  #8  
Old 15-Jul-14, 19:55
Roy.Lib Roy.Lib is offline
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Default Re: Are you "Out?"

It's an interesting way of looking at it, I never thought of it like that.
I'm not into it big time, I like mixed wrestling and I guess slight domination, scissoring and breast smother in particular but some of the other stuff just isn't my taste.
I have tried previously 'Coming out' about whatI like in a relationship and honestly it's a bit weird as in it always seemed they weren't sure how far I was saying or what to do.
personally, I think that has a lot to do with it, someone not understanding. One time when trying to explain it, someone thought I meant I was turned on by pain which was both terrifying and hilarious to explain that I wasn't hahha
So, I'd say I'm closet about it out of fear of someone close not understanding
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  #9  
Old 15-Jul-14, 21:02
flateric flateric is offline
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Default Re: Are you "Out?"

Very interesting question. After years of loving the idea of being scissored and sat on as a prelude to sex I finally found the nerve to tell my wife about this. She was fine about it - we had one session - it clearly wasn't her thing and it's never happened since.

I find it hard to imagine telling friends - but then among my friends sex is simply never discussed in any serious way. This may be a generation thing - I'm 59 - younger people for whom porn is probably more openy available may be different. In my day, everyone bought dirty mags but none of us would ever admit this.

When I finally satisfied my fantasy by booking some sessions at pippa's wrestling factory in manchester one of the nicest aspects of the whole experience (apart from the sessions which needless to say were fantastic) was being among people who found the idea of mixed wrestling normal. For the first time in my life it was easy to admit my love of this stuff. It felt great
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Old 16-Jul-14, 19:05
VCrakeV VCrakeV is offline
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Default Re: Are you "Out?"

I'm very open, even with the public. I only really tell people I know personally what my sexual interest is, but I show signs and subtle hints to everyone on purpose. It's mostly so that someone else who is in to the same thing might pick up on it. It doesn't bother me at all, other than the fact that it may create an awkward conversation for someone who doesn't know about it.
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