Marriage Help

[sgpin]

My wife knew about and enjoyed my mixed wrestling while we were engaged . It is all I would talk about when we were drinking lol. She knew it meant the world to me!!! Once we got married the wrestling stopped. She said she didnt know how much it mean to me? I Will never forget the look on her face after some wine when she told me she never realized how much it meant to me! We have not had sex at all since.

[lthasatan]

Was it immediate after the marriage? This sort of apathy tends to develop with time and not instantly.

Are you sure she actually knew it? Sometimes, when we really want something, our perception of reality gets skewed. This sort of thing is a two way street, maybe it is really uncomfortable for her.

I would be a bit concerned because it indicates a lack of interest in making you happy. My first instinct is to be brutally honest and tell her that not only it is very important to you, but you also think that she knew it. Not in an accusatory manner, and be honestly open to listen to what she says. Ask her if it was unpleasant for her when you both did it before marriage.

Do you have anyone close to you that you can talk about this? We are just random people from the internet, people that know you both will be able to chime in better. Consider maybe talking to a professional, like a psychologist or a counselor.

[bizyz]

Try sessioning.

[LicensetoKill]

Originally Posted by sgpin [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

My wife knew about and enjoyed my mixed wrestling while we were engaged . It is all I would talk about when we were drinking lol. She knew it meant the world to me!!! Once we got married the wrestling stopped. She said she didnt know how much it mean to me? I Will never forget the look on her face after some wine when she told me she never realized how much it meant to me! We have not had sex at all since.

I've never been married so I'm far from an expert, but not having sex with your wife over her disliking your fetish sounds like something to go to marriage counselling over and if it doesn't get better, perhaps divorce. Do you enjoy being with her?

[lthasatan]

Originally Posted by bizyz [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

Try sessioning.

Not trying to be sanctimonious, but unless the wife knows about it and is ok with it, which is unlikely, this is cheating IMO.

[uxiel]

yeah, but you're about to get 100 guys here arguing with you about that

[mrrassleswithgirls]

Originally Posted by sgpin [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

My wife knew about and enjoyed my mixed wrestling while we were engaged . It is all I would talk about when we were drinking lol. She knew it meant the world to me!!! Once we got married the wrestling stopped. She said she didnt know how much it mean to me? I Will never forget the look on her face after some wine when she told me she never realized how much it meant to me! We have not had sex at all since.

"She didn't know how much it mean to me".

Ok, before anything else, you need to find out what she's thinking and why. Whether you thought or know she knew, and whether she did or didn't really, all of that is not relevant in terms of trying to address your needs and hers really. It's yesterday's doughnut so to speak.

So, you guys need to talk, A LOT, and not with anger or saying you or she's been double crossed, forget all that. It won't do any good to go back and try to hash history and what you say you know she knew, and what she says about you not making it clear, and whether you did in your opinion or you didn't.

One thing you DO have is that she acknowledges you DO have this fetish, and whether she understood how big a deal it is or not, doesn't matter either, she DOES know.

And I see you say "the wrestling stopped", so THAT tells me that she will wrestle, so,

Do you love her? Do you? Decide that. Wanting to have someone around to wrestle with when you want to, is NOT the basis of a marriage. I'm not saying you think that, just making a point that you're married and you need to address THAT as the top priority. So DO YOU LOVE HER, if yes, then you need to get talking and convering about anything and everything on every dimension of life. Deal with wrestling when you have a stable marriage, wrestling may make it unstable if she will not, but wrestling isn't the basis of a stable marriage, so you have to get there first to see what happens,.

There are LOTS of ways to find women who wrestle, and there may be LOTS of ways your wife will. But a marriage is based on many dimensions, not just someone to play with.

A big first step is to for arguments sake (regardless of how sure you are that she knew) is to assume everything she claims is true, and with that in mind also take a HARD look and reflect on how and why you might have missed her not seeing this. This will be helpful for two reasons. If you KNOW in your heart she knew and has switched, THEN you have a really big problem, because what that says is, you don' trust and have faith in her. That's death to friendship, let alone marriage. So if you absolute KNOW that, then its curtains. BUT, you can entertain the concept that its possible that you missed it as well, then you can start with making sure you two know how to communicate. Communication is critical, so you have to get that straight and there is hope because THAT issue CAN be fixed!!!!!

If you work out communicating and she loves you AND you love her, then the wrestling in a proper ratio to the rest of your lives can work itself out. But you need to forget about the wrestling issues for now and focus on marriage and sort that out first.

[pubicile]

I'm happy and relieved to see such constructive comments. let's hope he takes the advice.

[krunch1980]

Where does your fetish lie? If you just like wrestling and playing around with hot women, then that seems healthy enough.
Maybe she found out that you are more into an aspect that she considers creepy and you have turned her off to you. I am willing to bet I am correct.

[The Corner Man]

It's "all you would talk about when you were drinking"? You'll "never forget the look on her face after some wine"? Do yourself a favor, stop drinking and addressing issues you feel are important after you've had some wine or whatever. She's your wife, you don't need to take the edge off with some alcohol. If you don't have an open line of communication with her of all people, then you have a BIG problem and I agree with others here that suggest you seek some help from a counselor. I'm not being critical of you either, I'm just pointing out reality so you can fix the problem. Your wife should be you're best and most trusted friend. Start there, and everything else will fall into place.