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Old 06-Nov-15, 01:23
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Default The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

'This story is... <Breaks down sobbing> JUST READ ON!'

-This is MonkeyFreed's brain. Be scared. Be VERY SCARED-

I was in my zone, my personal palace. Under some tiny bridge. It was cold, damp, and I had a box there, with me in the box and playing my DS. I am considered one of the top 100 richest people in the world, but I didn't give a shit, I liked my box. My box was a box that will box the heavens. Or so I've heard. I was enjoying my day, picturing how to torture... I mean... Nah, torture my South American friend. I had Jennifer Love Hewitt torture him, and I was picturing her beating me up. I was only drooling, when I heard a car. I looked around, and saw Nemesis was reading Cosmo while drinking a smoothie. Butch was at work, typing out forms, and that's when I saw her. The Boss. (I don't care to remember her name, and if I did, she would probably change it if I said it out loud.) Like the one from Metal Gear, but without the being dead part. Everyone in my line of business knew her. She was a former pro, and was the owner of the one most famous jobbers in our business. I won't bore you on how I brutally tortured him multiple times, but I will torture you on revealing she had Molly with her, who I wanted since she joined the buiss. The boss always kicked me when I broke into her house to ask. This time, she was smirking, and threw a sheet of paper at me.

"Hey Freed, enjoying yourself?"

"I was, and then the Ice Bitch walked in, shame on me now that I have to be blue balled by you."

"Fuck you too."

"Love ya too Sweety!"

I cackled, and read the paper. I noticed Karen Gillan, and I had PTSD nightmares of how she tortured me, but I had to play cool. So I only laughed, and eyed the Boss. Her smirk was only growing, and I could tell Molly was trying to poke Nemesis.

"Poke him and he'll tear you in half."

Molly stepped back, with Nemesis not even bothering. I tried to make the Boss pissed, just to see her fume. She had the cutest face when she wanted to strangle me.

"So, how's your jobber? Did you have him fight Betty Page yet? Heard Betty's a biter. I'm certain Clip4sale will love to see some old fossil wrestle Betty Page."

"Oh, I don't know Freed... I think Clip4Sale would rather see the 'King' of Femdom fight Karen Gillan."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH... wait wha?"

"You heard me Freed. Karen wants to fight you... And I made it possible."

I laughed, but in the inside, my brain did something else. It was packing. It whistled, and a cab came, and it jumped in, driving away from my stupid skull. I was only laughing because my other idea was running away and sucking my thumb. You see, as a fan of Doctor Who, I was obsessed with Karen's legs. Then, after rechecking through the season, I learned she was an actually cool companion, and I thought that her future performances would be great. Then I met her for real. She was cruel, mean, and vicious. She destroyed Butch, made Nemesis cry, and brow beat me. With Kat, it was always sexy (Even when she set me on fire! ^_^) But with Karen... I was terrified. She was so violent, so awful, so... Sexy! Those legs... They made me drool. Yum yum yum... But they're more deadly then a machine gun! I've seen her use those legs on objects just to scare me. I saw her get a concrete block, and crush it! She's a special type of Advanced women, with her upper body being the same as a woman, but her legs... Are possibly 3x as strong as the average Advanced women's legs. Even though her legs look like sticks... I know that if they were muscular, they'd be thicker then her body! Karen haunted my dreams, and unlike most women, not in the good way. Karen Gillan was going to destroy me. It was a fact. So I did what any sane man would do. I laughed, and tipped my sombrero at the boss.

"Well, you tell her that I promise to enjoy this fight."

I chuckled, and while Molly snarled, the Boss only smiled. She knew. She always knew. She fucking knew every thing about me.

"You know Freed, ever since I met you... When I first joined the business, I thought you were some quirky idiot. Then the incident of 96' happened... And I knew. I knew what you really were. You're someone who enjoys watching people suffer, and you make sure. You fucked with my Jobber... And you fucked with me. But now, no more Karma Houdini. Karen is going to punish you."

"Boss... 96?' 96... Oh my god... I'm so sorry... I never..."

"You know what you did."

The Boss walked away, chuckling, and I looked down. 96... Oh fucking 96. I remember that incident... Hell, everyone who knew me remember that event. I tried to hide it, but ever since then, I became the Willy Wonka of Femdom... To the Devil. April 19th, 1996... 'The Cage Incident'. The day... No, just forget. I got up, brushed my poncho, and headed to my hot dog car. I had business to attend too.

-

"The super bowl dome?"

"Indeed. I want everyone in the GBO, Advanced women, and more... Just to see this fight. I want everyone to see me V.S Karen Gillan."

My executive board, all in a large chamber in a long desk, with every single person important to GBO there, staring. The man at the end, in a wheelchair and on life support, lifted his finger.

"Freed... I agree."

Charles Von Charles, my biggest stock holder, and worked for me for over 70 years... He helped build this company up. And more. Butch and Nemesis were next to me, with Butch hearing about Karen. He looked to me, and nodded.

"Sir, all I have to say is... I sort of respect you for doing this."

"Yeah... Don't."

"What?"

"I'm wetting myself right now."

-

I had my super bowl idea suggested, and it was being televised. Tomorrow... A reported 40,000 people will be there, almost all specially working for me, and some just people I know. The Jobber is in front row, and I know he will be enjoying it. The Boss... She will just watch, and know. All i'm going to do is fight... And lose. I was under my desk, in my office, rocking myself, and wondering if I should run. Honestly, it reminds me of Cage Day. I should have ran. Maybe I should now! I have a fake mustache, 400,000 oranges, and a train ticket in my desk in case of a attack. I was about to hightail it out of there, when a man came in. He was a black janitor, who seemed to be extremely wise. I don't know if because he looked like Samuel L. Jackson, or if because his name tag was 'Hi, my name is Wise.' He went to my trash can, and took out the random crap I put in there.

"Hello Mr. Freed. Now, I don't pretend to know much about fighting a woman who's legs are made of diamond... But I do know a few things about women. A woman is like scooping leaves from a grate... It requires three good fingers."

"Umm... Wise... I'm fighting her, not #%^*+=_ her."

"Oh. Then a woman is like a pipe. You need to clean it with your liquid."

"Wise, anything that isn't an innuendo?!"

"... Oh, I got it! A woman..."

"Is like a car, and she only needs to be pumped up for a good ride?"

"... Damn it!"

Wise ran away, clearly having no idea how to deal with real women, and his long history in porn betrayed him. Freed looked at a picture of him, holding a bay Nemesis. Baby Nemesis was eating my head, and I had a thumbs up. I heard a knock at the door, and I threw a throwing rock at it.

"No more innuendoes Wise."

The door opened anyway, and I saw her. Karen Gillan. The beast from the east. (Okay, west, but east is the coolest direction ever.) Karen was wearing short leather pants (leather pants is... Good.) and had a red fuzzy top. Her hair was just as read, and reached down. She wore highheels, and she appeared tall compared to me. I gulped, and threw everything on my desk to the floor. Karen walked up to me, and I nervously chuckled, terrified of her. She grabbed me by the chin, and lifted me up. She then led me astray, and sat in my chair. She put her legs on the table, and I stared at them, breathing hard. They were long... Strong... White like the snow... And I could tell they were as hard as steel. I wanted to touch them, but I knew better, so k stood straight and scared. Karen checked her phone, and had a smile that would make the devil wince.

"So Freed, I heard about our fight... I hope it's good. I'd hate to have to make it so quick. A woman is most disappointed when her man is..."

"Please, stop. I heard enough innuendos from Wise."

"Fine, I had 4 jokes planned about how you're bad at sex, and one about how you have a small penis, so I'll get to it. I'm going to crush you, and that jobber too. For some reason, I don't like his face. You... I just plain don't like. Especially since that time where you tried to have me star in a porno with Jennifer Lawrence."

"It wasn't a porno, it was an artistic movie about two lesbian super spy's using sex to stop a dictator played by Jeffry bridges from blowing up Mars."

"Screw. You."

"Well excuse me for trying to create the greatest sci fi franchise since Star Wars."

Karen gave me a middle finger, but stopped and smiled.

"Well, I'm a little happy, that's all I can say. I mean, crushing you should be so easy and better yet... So satisfying. Please, try to hold on for dear life... Cause when I wrap myself around you, you'll beg for the sweet release of death."

She got up, and... And...

Happy Karen: [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

She left, and I saw her sway her ass around, and I was just staring, unaware of what to do. I then decided to do the most manly thing possible. I hid under my desk, began to drink apple cider, and cried myself to sleep.

-

It was the next day, and the dome was ready. Thousands were there, millions were watching, and I was ready. I had a coat that covered me up, and I was ready. I thought of ways she would kill me, and I used them to fuel my self loathing. In the special box side, The Jobber was sitting, and eating popcorn. I was taking a deep breath, and Butch was holding an I-pad.

"I got good news, if we host your funeral in his town, Gutierrez will speak at your funeral."

"No, I promised Chevy Chase that position. He promised me to get vengeance on Allison Brie in return for our 'argument' over whatever I should or shouldn't have faked the moon landing."

"I'm sorry, are you on LSD or just plain insane?"

"Please... LSD doesn't get shit done like the drug dealers says it does."

I got up, and shadow boxed a little. Butch saw me, and shook his head, clearly disappointed in me.

"Just... Don't die. I need to get paid."

"Okie dokie Artie chokie!"

Nemesis was sobbing, and had a dark veil over his head, sobbing and holding flowers. I hugged him, and petted him.

"Don't worry big buddy, Amy Pond won't kill me. I promise."

Nemesis sobbed harder, and gripped Butch tightly. I walked ahead, and I heard a loud roar when I walked in sight. I threw my robes off, revealing myself with my mask, and wearing a speedo. I was 5'10, not extremely fit but I was muscular, and weighed 205 pounds. I flexed, and I heard people booing.

"YOUR BOOS FEED ME!"

I cackled as loudly as I could, and I heard more boos. I headed toward the center, which had a large ring. In it, Karen was waiting. She had her leg lifted in the air, which obviously had people taking videos and pictures. She was wearing a one piece thong, and I was mesmerized. She had long curly red hair, was 5'11, and seemed to be 120 pounds or so. As one woman said... That woman is all legs.

"Well Freed, ready to die?"

"... BRING IT!"

I jumped in, and struck a Kamen pose. A ding went off, and I sprinted as fast as I could. I wasn't going to go down without a fight! I jumped in the air, and drop kicked Karen. Or, I would have... If she didn't dodge. I hit the floor, but got up, and attacked her. I tried to punch her, but she ducked and sent an uppercut at me. It struck my chin, and my face was thrown up. She punched me in the gut, and I keeled over in pain. She lifted both her hands, and smacked me against the floor. I wasn't going down so easily, so I opened my mask and bit her ankle.

"Nom Nom Nom, I'm infected with the..."

She stomped on my head. My head hit the floor, and she stomped on me. Every stomp felt like a sledgehammer. She put her legs around my neck, and put her hands on her hips.

"Time for the fun part."

That's when she tightened her hold, and I began to scream. Or, tried too. I couldn't even breathe, so I couldn't even scream in pain. She was dominating me with her thighs, that felt like pure steel and diamond. It was crushing my neck, and I knew one move, and she could snap my neck like a twig. She laughed a little bit, and tightened her hold. My eyes were popping, and I could feel my body was losing all power. I could hear the roar of the crowd, and Karen began to wave. She let go, and bent down. She lifted me up, and my face was to her crotch, while my crotch was to her face. I would have enjoyed it, if I didn't know what this meant.

"Now, let's see how this goes..."

She jumped in the air, and it felt like she leaped a thousands meters, instead of just 10 feet (Her legs were strong!) and she lifted her legs up, and fell. She slammed my head down, and I felt my face was broken. She had her body on top of me, and got up, dragging me. She led me to the ropes, and threw me up. With one kick, I hit the ropes, and she leaped in the air. Her crotch was to my face, and she tightened her legs around my neck. I tried to hold on, but I dropped to my knees with her on top of me. She hit her back, but with two hands, she lifted herself up... And did the impossible. She over lifted me with her legs still around my neck, with my body dragging on the floor. She began to walk with her hands, to the laughs of everyone. She stopped, and let one hand go, and was still able to hold me up. She let her grip with her legs go, and I dropped down, clearly dying, but she got up and grabbed me up by the chin. I was weak, unable to move, and she let me stand. I couldn't move, and I was too weak to drop. With a shadow box, she did a few punches... And then hit me with a chain punch that Kyle Birch himself would be jealous of. With a few hundred punches, most of my bones were broken, and I couldn't even think of something stupid to reference. She put me in a headlock, and dragged me around the ring.

"Okay Freed, I want you to listen to me. 1. No more perving on me."

She threw me down, and leg dropped me, crushing my chest. She did a head Sccisors with her ass on my face.

"2. If you try to get me to fight for you, I better get paid."

She squeezed, and her ass tightened, so it was crushing my face. She punched my crotch, and I began to cry out in pain.

"3. Make a crack about Doctor Who again, and I'll crack little Freed."

She lifted herself up, with her ass on top of me, and she lessened her tight hold. She grabbed both my wrist, and tightened her hold on them, causing them to break.

"4. Quit your bullshit about being super awesome. No one wants you in their lives."

(Meta comments are... Good.) I felt my arms were being twisted by her, and she got up, and she positioned herself to Sccisors my entire body.

"5. Lastly, but not least... APOLOGIZE FOR THE CAGE INCIDENT!"

She lifted herself up, and I was high in the air, feeling like my entire body was being crushed by her. She was doing a hand Stand, with me around her legs, being crushed. I heard the Jobber laughing, and clapping. (DAMN YOU JOBBER!) I was completely broken, but she wasn't done. She slammed me down, and I was on the floor unable to move, and she ripped my speedo up. She put me on her lap, and spanked my ass.

"You're a big baby, so I'm going to treat you like one."

With one spank, my body shot up, and I began to sob, unable to hold myself. She went on to spank and spank, with each spank harder then the last. She had her last spank so hard, I was thrown to the floor, with my ass broken. She wasn't done yet though, cause she tackled me, and had me on the floor, beating me. She lifted me up on a back breaker, and used her strength to tear me in two. While my body looked fine, my spine was bent in half, and felt like cracking. She twirled me around, and threw me down on my back. She hit me with a elbow drop, and then lifted me up. She put me in a strong bear hug, cracking my arms, ribs, and even my spine. That's when it broke, and my voice became weak. She head butted me, and my mask broke. She dropped me, and I slumped to my knees, and she kicked my face, causing me to hit the floor. She body slammed me, and held me down, with the ref finally deciding mercy, and count. In 10 counts... I lost. The ref lifted Karen's arms, and a loud cheer went off that was as big as a winning touchdown.

"IN 53 SECONDS, KAREN GILLAN DEFEATS MONKEYFREED!"

People were going insane, and the jumbo screen focused on Karen placing her foot on my chest, and doing a double flex. Thousands of pictures were taken, and I was covered in blood, gurgling. Hey, wasn't as bad as I thought!

-2 hours later-

I was in the hospital, covered in a massive cast. The doc said every bone in my body is broken, I suffered massive internally bleeding, and I have a massive concussion. Plus, I suffered a stroke, a heart attack, and liver failing during the hospital ride. He even said I died for 6 seconds. Like I said, not as bad as I thought! Butch and Nemesis was there, consoling me, while I was drinking apple juice. Butch was holding the report, and was worried.

"Freed... Doc says you'll never be able to move your... Anything."

"Really? Man."

I ripped my casts off, and jumped off the bed, and stretched. Butch's mouth was hitting the floor, and his eyes were popping out of his head.

"WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCK JUST..."

"Don't cuss. Please, I survived worse. Ever since that little incident in French with the cake and the Queen, I learned most things can't kill me. Now, let's go."

I tried to walk out, but Butch stopped me.

"Wait... I have to say two things. One... What is the Cage incident and... You're naked."

"Oh! Nemesis, pants!"

Nemesis ran off, looking for pants, and I sat down, ready to tell my darkest secret to Butch. I took a deep breath, and looked him in the eyes.

"Back in 96... I... I... Was going to star in Face/Off with Nicholas Cage. At the time, it was a Steven Spielberg film for the family, about a kindly family man, Nicholas, switching brains with a drug kingpin serial killer cannibal, me. The trailers came out... And it was so awful, they changed everything about the movie. I was blacklisted by Hollywood permanently, and Nicholas Cage only got out because he had massive blackmail on everyone. That... Was the cage incident."

Butch stared at me, and wanted to punch me. I laughed a little, and Nemesis handed me pants.

"What? You thought it was serious? That it was some 'Cerberus Moment'? Please, it's not like a Knight of Cerberus will pop up! Me, trying to write a genuine plot?! That's silly."

I laughed at the idea of something happening that would change this story forever, and left, wondering how stupid that would be. Like that could happen.

-

A portal opened in the sky in the mountains, and a figure dropped from it. He was a tall but skinny man, with a leather jacket, leather pants, leather gloves, a leather cowboy hat, leather shoes, and a leather gimp mask. He arose, and cackled. A tall figure with a pyramid head and a large cleaver approached him, bowing, and the leather figure stood on a rock, facing the bright city.

"So MonkeyFreed... You thought you could stop me? ApeCaged? The most dangerous super villain criminal to ever live?! You dare believe that some damn hell dimension could have stopped me from my plans?! It must have been 6,000 years in there... But only 6 weeks have passed since you kicked me in there. Course.... My plan for this world pushed me to survive! To thrive! I need to teach those feminazis that are ruining this world. Men have become neutered, ever since things like 'Women's vote' and 'Women's choice' or... Dare I say... 'Women have souls'! I remember the good old times when women were seen less then insects! But then those advanced women came in, and made all those things true. But... You think only women can be advanced? Most people think women are it, but they're more common... Course, it may also be because I'm the only person with an army of advanced MEN! With them by my side, this world will go back to the way it used to be... UNDER THE DOMAIN OF THE CAGE! MY CAGE! APE CAGE! SO HEAR ME HUMANITY, AND MONKEYFREED... BEWARE THE CAGE, FOR HE HAS RETURNED! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Ape Cage was laughing, and from behind him, 5 muscular men were nervous, with one raising his hand.

"Sir... Who are you talking too?"

"This snail. I want him to go back to his snail home, and report about this to his snail friends!"

ApeCage looked down at the squirrel, and laughed, pointing at it. The snail... Snailed away as fast as he could, to warn the snails in the world, that ApeCage, The former tyrant of the world, has returned.

-

SON OF A...

'''THE END... OF SEASON TWO! SEASON THREE WILL COME BACK SOON!'''
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  #2  
Old 06-Nov-15, 18:38
gameking
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Default Re: The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

Anybody want to buy a 53 seconds shirt?
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Old 06-Nov-15, 20:59
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MonkeyFreed MonkeyFreed is offline
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Default Re: The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

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Originally Posted by gameking [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
anybody want to buy a 53 seconds shirt?

oh me, me, me!
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Old 07-Nov-15, 00:12
gameking
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Default Re: The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

And I'm no damn fossil Freed, The Jobber is like 27.
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Old 07-Nov-15, 00:34
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MonkeyFreed MonkeyFreed is offline
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Award Star Re: The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gameking [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
And I'm no damn fossil Freed, The Jobber is like 27.
27?! That's ancient!

Though, coming from MonkeyFreed (If you must know, Monkeyfreed is me, MonkeyFreed is the character. Remember that Capitol F!), I feel he may be a hypocrite. Guy once called Washington ancient.
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Old 07-Nov-15, 18:34
gameking
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Default Re: The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

I have an idea....put Gutierrez against Gillan!
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Old 07-Nov-15, 18:56
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MonkeyFreed MonkeyFreed is offline
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Default Re: The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gameking [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
I have an idea....put Gutierrez against Gillan!
Nah, I'm merciful. Besides... I have other plans for him... MUWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAA H...

And by other plans, I mean Jenna Coleman.
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Old 07-Nov-15, 22:00
gameking
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Default Re: The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

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Originally Posted by MonkeyFreed [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Nah, I'm merciful. Besides... I have other plans for him... MUWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAA H...

And by other plans, I mean Jenna Coleman.


Are you at least paying this guy well?
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Old 07-Nov-15, 22:04
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MonkeyFreed MonkeyFreed is offline
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Default Re: The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

I pay him in karma points. Like Fallout, except instead of changing people's opinion of him, it's even more meaningless.
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Old 09-Nov-15, 00:24
gameking
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Default Re: The Girl who waited... To kick my ass.

At least we paid Jobber Junior when he fought Brie.

You are just an awful person MonkeyFreed. I hope your next match is against Rousey.
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