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Check out the latest release by Fight Pulse: Bianca vs Andreas. Preview photos are available in this topic. Get this video at: Fight Pulse - MX-251. |
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#11
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Re: Monica's Revenge
Loved this. Monica is a great character, and I really liked the darker turn she took in this story.
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Vannah Clairmont Wrestler, Writer, Singer, Unbelievable Bitch I promise I'll update my thread soon. Don't kill me. |
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#12
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Re: Monica's Revenge
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#13
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Re: Monica's Revenge
Great Story. Like it!
Love that she is in control off everything. His bereaving, if he is awake or not. And he can`t do anything against it. Great. Thanks. Last edited by gwriter; 01-Jul-16 at 22:45. |
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#14
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Re: Monica's Revenge
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#15
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Re: Monica's Revenge
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I know how you feel regarding repetition. There are only so many ways on how you can describe a headscissor. I find from my personal experience is that it helps if the characters are talking since the dialogue gives more opportunity for variety. It's not unrealistic either. In a session with Jade we had a short but very interesting discussion about religion. The whole time she was lying on her right side with my neck trapped between her thighs facing her. It was a very sexy experience, having a completely ordinary conversation whilst the whole time being completely under her control. |
#16
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Re: Monica's Revenge
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Thanks for the feedback. I already do include a lot of dialogue, and you are right that can be a big part of it. But what a lot of you might not realize is that when I write fiction, dialogue can be very difficult. I read other stories and roll my eyes when I see contrived dialogue and I fear being that author sometimes. I don't want to give examples because I'm not trying to tear anybody down, just some stories people will write and their characters will say things that I don't think a real person would ever actually utter. As far as your experience, while it does sound incredible, I don't believe it really fits my narrative. A session experience is not the same as a real life encounter. Not to say I couldn't work something like that into a story, just saying for these particular characters in this instance it wouldn't fit. With the amount of aggression I was trying to inject into Monica, the idea of them having an open discussion on the mat doesn't really work. Thanks for the feedback though. I like to think of myself as one of the better writers on this site, but my opinion really doesn't matter. It comes down to the readers. So far it looks like I'm on the right track but there's always room for improvement so keep reading and don't be afraid to comment. I welcome the discussion. |
#17
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Re: Monica's Revenge
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pro would be great great story and writing. how about some strapon action hehe !! |
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face sitting, knockouts, pins, scissors, smother |
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