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#31
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
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It's a complicated balance. |
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#32
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
Been married for 10 years, got 2 kids. The playfulness aspect does dissipate some. I think the trick is getting her interested in it for something other than your sexual gratification. Maybe it's for self defense, fitness, the endorphins from the feeling of empowerment, a release from her stresses at work or a shitty boss that she can inject upon you, or a release from a build up of angst with you or anything else in general. Make it fun either way, not creepy or overtly fetish in nature. My 2cents
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#33
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
I dont know why we stopped, women are weird, lol...
Its just wrestling ffs, its not like proper weird stuff that goes on behind closed doors sometimes. Two people semi naked having a wrestle, whats the beef. I think it got to a point where she doesn't really like doing stuff for me, she knows i have a vast collection of digital wrestling material and bundles of vhs tapes, and she has worn the spandex outfits i brought for her to wrestle in, but she is stubborn and it got to a point where i felt stupid just asking to wrestle. She is the mother of my kids so i just let her off, not forcing her to do anything. Maybe she is just frigid. Never mind oh well, life goes on. |
#34
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
When I see questions like this here, I am always torn - to me, such questions present two options.
One is that the question is kind of a 'fantasy question" - it's asked because it is exciting to ask, and to see the responses. I have no problems with that, am not criticizing that, and am not suggesting that is the case with THIS question. Just saying. The other, of course, is that it is a real question about a real situation. I mention the distinction because I'd answer those differently, in most cases. In real life, I'd say that every person is different, and every relationship is different, and that the author should trust his gut about the pace of revealing things, BUT at the same time keep a close watch on his assessments because when we are REALLY into something, and when we REALLY want something, we can fool ourselves. Discussing fantasies with partners is real tricky, even with very open minded partners. It can lead to great things, but yeah, what is said can't be unsaid. With this fantasy in particular, this broad fantasy, an additional trickiness is that it isn't something much talked about in general, it can seem unusual, and surprising. For a guy for whom some humiliation is part of the fantasy, sharing THAT can be, I'd suspect, particular dicey ground. Again, it ALL depends on your relationship dynamic,which is why general advice can always be only SO useful. But I'd say that generally, a patient, cautious approach, with your "antenna up" is always a great idea, and I'd avoid pushing or badgering. No kidding, right? Probably pretty obvious stuff all around. But for what it's worth, my two cents.... |
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#35
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
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My particular fetish is pretty dicey because it involves another person and some taboo stuff that goes beyond the pale of “standard” mixed wrestling (i.e. it involves her watching me getting beaten by a much larger (transgendered) woman for her pleasure, after which they engage in sexual play while I am forced to watch). She seems to genuinely enjoy me typing out all the particulars and visuals of this fantasy via texts, but is definitely still hesitant when it comes to making the leap of acting it out in real life. There is just always going to be a disconnect between how it plays out in a perfect world vs real life, and for her never having done anything remotely like this, she knows she has no idea how she will take it all in and react in real life. I think it’s also important what you say about not pushing your fantasy onto your significant other, because that will be an automatic turnoff and could push her to the point of no return. For me, I have been easing her into it and biding my time, and try to incorporate elements that she would enjoy, things that theoretically would lead to pleasure for her. People out there wanting to engage their partner in any type of fantasy need to put themselves in their shoes and find out ways to make it appealing to them. |
#36
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
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Her main issue is that it's not reciprocal. ie. I get pleasured and she does not. I try to make up by masturbating her as well, but she insists on good ol' sex more frequently, even though there's been time she has come up with that reason right after a "good" week. There was a period when we had the living room to ourselves and we had fake boxing matches. Because we intended to keep some credibility, some punches got through. Somehow she convinced herself that what I was looking for were the hits and she was very uncomfortable with the scene. But she didn't talk about it and only got more and more reluctant until we talked and decided not to do boxing anymore. Other times she's said she resents it because "It's not about me, it's your fetish and it could be the same with anyone". And I'm talking about a woman that has done some fighting sports, that choses body combat at the gym because dancing bores her silly, that sometimes subjects me to playful holds, punching, elbows or kees (but then withdraws as she notices it may give me ideas). It isn't even a problem with her skills, because she has been able to subdue me more than once during our matches, showing a kind of instinctive knowledge of what to do to me. Things such as putting me on a dragon sleeper and jerking me off or reversing the tables to get me in a scissor are not what I would expect from a typical lady. She is very shy to start a fight unless I give her some alcohol, but it takes some talking to get her to drink and she is also watching the calories. Indeed, it's complicated. And because of that, I also feel stupid and shy to ask a wrestle. But when I do, it's worth it. Last edited by mixed; 11-Jan-19 at 16:55. |
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#37
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
Yes women are weird..... She knows my fetish, which is as vanilla a fetish as there is (Female vs. female wrestling to a submission and nothing more i.e. no dom, scissors, catfights......). Heck it was a long-time until I actually saw women wrestling topless or naked. It is a DADT wrt female wrestling. We see it on a show and she may make a commernt & I will say usually "Doesn't do it for me" (or similar).
No interest in wrestling outside rolling around with her and she has a karate blackbelt (and yes she hated grappling men at the dojo, so at least I can rest easy about that). She's in great shape and I'd do nothing to hurt her if we did roll. But she has no interest in it or even seeing what I watch and turns me on. Fortunately wrestling fantasies do not overtake my bedroom life or are required to get me off. Heck sex too is complicated as I think a good O is what you both want (and good ones happen 85%+ of the time, with bad ones probably 10% & none 5%). But she will tell me otherwise about sex. I have no scenarios I want or detailed fantasies, just to roll around & ensure we have fun and sweat...... I look at it as exercise & yes to me it would be foreplay & I'd be prepared to do what excited her too. And I'm up for anything she'd ask if it meant she enjoyed sex more. Last edited by lovefvsf; 12-Jan-19 at 15:41. |
#38
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
Just tell her what you'd like to do. She sounds like she'll be fine. Just remember it isn't always about you and your interests. My sense is she'll be fine with what you'd like to do or teach her, but don't insist on it all the time now that you've hit the jackpot. Remember to focus on what SHE likes to do and please her and then ask if she'll reciprocate. She will, and you'll have your dreams come true as it were.
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#39
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
As a sidebar, out of all my girlfriends, the one who was most into my fetish had the personality of a nun, but she enjoyed working out and she had fun with my fetish in the bedroom.
Almost all the others found my fetish pretty uninteresting and met it with mild willingness to experiment to outright dislike, but one one-night stand, the lady slept with me because she wanted to be dominated. When I shared my fetish with her, it struck a cord with her. She asked me to outwrestle her, which I did, and it's not my fantasy but it was still a fun night. It seems, based on my small sample size that the quiet ones are often the most willing. |
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#40
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Re: So I finally told my partner...
My ex had a very fit body with amazing buffed quads.
I told her that i like to get scissored while having sex and she took it well,she was asking me how much power is too much power while doing it,but she was too much to handle even 50% of her leg strength. Awesome feeling,but never tried neck or head scissors,as i was not sure how she would react to that. |
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