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  #11  
Old 01-Jul-16, 16:37
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Sexybish Sexybish is offline
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Default Re: Monica's Revenge

Loved this. Monica is a great character, and I really liked the darker turn she took in this story.
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  #12  
Old 01-Jul-16, 19:47
Jericho3 Jericho3 is offline
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Default Re: Monica's Revenge

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Originally Posted by jonesy8922 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Awesome story mate. Really like Monica and hope you write a couple more stories starring her
Thanks man. If the sequel draws enough interest like the first one did, I'm sure I could do another. I just don't want to over do it though. I don't want them to all sound the same. There's only so many ways one can write about the same holds with the same characters.
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  #13  
Old 01-Jul-16, 19:59
gwriter gwriter is offline
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Default Re: Monica's Revenge

Great Story. Like it!
Love that she is in control off everything. His bereaving, if he is awake or not. And he can`t do anything against it. Great. Thanks.

Last edited by gwriter; 01-Jul-16 at 22:45.
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  #14  
Old 08-Jul-16, 02:23
Wrestler35 Wrestler35 is offline
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Default Re: Monica's Revenge

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Originally Posted by blackice225 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
And that's what happens when you deny a Mary Sue her destiny.

What's that? What if she gets arrested? I did say "Mary Sue", didn't I?
Why don't you write a story that is free of all these supposed flaws instead of leaving the same cynical comments on every story
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  #15  
Old 13-Jul-16, 03:01
Alexios Alexios is offline
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Default Re: Monica's Revenge

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Originally Posted by Jericho3 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Thanks man. If the sequel draws enough interest like the first one did, I'm sure I could do another. I just don't want to over do it though. I don't want them to all sound the same. There's only so many ways one can write about the same holds with the same characters.
Excellent story. I really enjoyed Monica's attitude and aggression.

I know how you feel regarding repetition. There are only so many ways on how you can describe a headscissor. I find from my personal experience is that it helps if the characters are talking since the dialogue gives more opportunity for variety.

It's not unrealistic either. In a session with Jade we had a short but very interesting discussion about religion. The whole time she was lying on her right side with my neck trapped between her thighs facing her. It was a very sexy experience, having a completely ordinary conversation whilst the whole time being completely under her control.
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  #16  
Old 19-Jul-16, 15:05
Jericho3 Jericho3 is offline
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Default Re: Monica's Revenge

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Originally Posted by Alexios [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Excellent story. I really enjoyed Monica's attitude and aggression.

I know how you feel regarding repetition. There are only so many ways on how you can describe a headscissor. I find from my personal experience is that it helps if the characters are talking since the dialogue gives more opportunity for variety.

It's not unrealistic either. In a session with Jade we had a short but very interesting discussion about religion. The whole time she was lying on her right side with my neck trapped between her thighs facing her. It was a very sexy experience, having a completely ordinary conversation whilst the whole time being completely under her control.

Thanks for the feedback. I already do include a lot of dialogue, and you are right that can be a big part of it. But what a lot of you might not realize is that when I write fiction, dialogue can be very difficult. I read other stories and roll my eyes when I see contrived dialogue and I fear being that author sometimes. I don't want to give examples because I'm not trying to tear anybody down, just some stories people will write and their characters will say things that I don't think a real person would ever actually utter.

As far as your experience, while it does sound incredible, I don't believe it really fits my narrative. A session experience is not the same as a real life encounter. Not to say I couldn't work something like that into a story, just saying for these particular characters in this instance it wouldn't fit. With the amount of aggression I was trying to inject into Monica, the idea of them having an open discussion on the mat doesn't really work.

Thanks for the feedback though. I like to think of myself as one of the better writers on this site, but my opinion really doesn't matter. It comes down to the readers. So far it looks like I'm on the right track but there's always room for improvement so keep reading and don't be afraid to comment. I welcome the discussion.
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  #17  
Old 20-Jul-16, 12:48
gurlfighting gurlfighting is offline
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Default Re: Monica's Revenge

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Originally Posted by Jericho3 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Thanks for the kind words. I've done a couple pro stories on the forum but they didn't really gain traction. If thats something people want to see, I could do a couple more.

pro would be great great story and writing. how about some strapon action hehe !!
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