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  #231  
Old 09-Aug-15, 16:28
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Naji Naji is offline
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

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Originally Posted by myprediliction [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
And why do you think the vast majority of Dominatrix's clients are Executives and Lawyers in power????
I don't believe this is the case. However, the services of pro-dommes are usually quite expensive, and mostly well-doing men can afford them. That's the only correlation there imo.

Moreover, the hypothesis that those who want to experience being dominated usually are very confident people in control of their lives, and possibly managing others at their jobs, has no basis. In my experience, people with this fetish / desire come from every walk of life, with a wide range of personalities and budget.
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  #232  
Old 09-Aug-15, 21:22
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georgejohnson georgejohnson is offline
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

True, the image of wealthy people being the typical clients exists for only economic reasons. For myself, and it seems a lot of others, the fetish of being dominated existed before puberty even.

Last edited by georgejohnson; 10-Aug-15 at 20:36. Reason: Nonsensical wording
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  #233  
Old 09-Aug-15, 23:03
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qwertyuio qwertyuio is offline
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

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Originally Posted by georgejohnson [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
True, the image of wealthy people being the typical clients are only economical. For myself, and it seems a lot of others, the fetish of being dominated existed before puberty even.
I think a lot of the session wrestlers enjoy dominating wealthy people in power, which is why a lot of their stories they tell us are about clients like this. I remember a NY based wrestler telling me about how how she made a wall street CEO kiss her foot. I could tell she loved the feeling of enslaving a guy who probably made a million times as much money as she did.
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  #234  
Old 10-Aug-15, 15:10
Ehuls Ehuls is offline
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

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Originally Posted by Swingingmoose [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
The more I keep thinking about this, the more I end up feeling that there are two classes of people in this. One could call the first one a sports and fun class. They can try things out and have fun doing it. They can wrestle, they can spank and beat each other, they can tie and whip and do all the BDSM things just like they would do any other thing. If someone whips a man in this class, they do it as two persons present as themselves and engaged in mutual play.

The second class is called the addicts or the perverts. For them, there is a overwhelming, compulsive, drug-like quality in what they do. De Masi's books talk about a perverse nucleus in personality. A man engaged in mutual sadomasochistic play is in the first class. A real sadomasochistic personality is in this second class. The first class finds their fetishes during adolescence or during the school years, usually with peers or relatives of their own age. The second class has a fault in their personality produced by faulty mothering.

If I am not badly mistaken, the first class can do without orgasms and enjoy the play and the company. For the second class, everything is always about orgasm. Other participants are just props, servants or utilities for achieving that orgasm. The first class, if sex is involved, seeks mutual pleasure. The second class always seeks oblivion through orgasm. Other people do not count.

How does this sound like?
If I would compare it to drugs, I have some friends using cocaine, but who can very much control the addiction. They use it for fun, in a controlled environment, not using it very often (say about once every 3 months) and could also easily do without if needed. On the other hand you have the people that can not control the addiction, for whom getting high from drugs becomes the most important thing in life, and using other people just to get their goal.

The difference is in control. One group can control an addiction, the other not. A common theory is that people that have underlying psychological problems are more likely to not be able to control the addiction than people who do not have these problems. Somebody who is depressed is more likely to become a problematic alcoholic that someone who is perfectly happy.

I see the same with wrestling. I find the kick I get from being powerless when wrestling a woman so strong, it is truly addictive. Yet is a addiction I can totally control, reading your classes I would perfectly fit in the first class, except that I do find the feelings addictive. Also I consider myself a stable, happy person without any trauma's or big problems. I can imagine people with trauma's or other big problems are more susceptible to these addictive feelings and for whom it becomes more than just a fun hobby.

Could be that you are saying exactly the same, but you seem to emphasize on the differences between the two groups, where I think the difference is just in the underlying trauma's or problems.
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  #235  
Old 10-Aug-15, 15:48
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Naji Naji is offline
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

Dividing fetishists into two groups is fine, except, there are no two groups. Fetish is always a part of your personality. Otherwise, it is not a fetish, but rather an interest, a hobby, a pleasurable pastime.

Calling the fetish addictive, presenting it in a negative light, comparing it to cocaine addiction (@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]) or labeling fetishists as self-centered freaks who do not care about anyone else (@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]) smells of sexual repression, which is absolutely against the ideas on which this forum was created. So I will ask you to refrain from doing that.

Guys, if you have it in you, there is no point in fighting or repressing it. Use common sense and enjoy your uniqueness.
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  #236  
Old 10-Aug-15, 16:08
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

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Originally Posted by Zweig [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

Guys, if you have it in you, there is no point in fighting or repressing it. Use common sense and enjoy your uniqueness.
This is a nice suggestion for sure, but not always easy to follow. In general I'd say I never did anything to repress my fetish, but I have to admit in some occasions I did not feel well for something I did due to my fetish (nothing serious, anyway), regretting it.
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  #237  
Old 10-Aug-15, 18:59
psf366 psf366 is offline
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

Zweig, I think you've summed this this topic up up quite well. "Common sense." What a concept!!

It's a shame to read so many comments comparing a healthy libido to drug addiction and ruined lives. I think some number of guys here have confused our taste for losing control to a woman with losing control of one's sanity. Heterosexual men think about women A LOT. There's nothing wrong with it. We just happen to have a somewhat unique way of thinking about them.

In my opinion, the world is way too concerned about NORMAL SEX vs WEIRD SEX. Bruce Jenner changes his identity to Caitlyn and it makes newspaper headlines. That's bullshit! Everyone should feel free to make up stories and identities and (hopefully) find partners who want to join in. The alternative is a life of Victorian repression where sexual thoughts are called "dirty" and self-loathing is the rule.

This forum is a beautiful testament to enjoying a beautiful thing. End of story.
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  #238  
Old 10-Aug-15, 21:01
Ehuls Ehuls is offline
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zweig [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Calling the fetish addictive, presenting it in a negative light, comparing it to cocaine addiction (@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]) or labeling fetishists as self-centered freaks who do not care about anyone else (@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]) smells of sexual repression, which is absolutely against the ideas on which this forum was created. So I will ask you to refrain from doing that.

Guys, if you have it in you, there is no point in fighting or repressing it. Use common sense and enjoy your uniqueness.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I enjoy my fetish as much as I can. I do not see it as a negative issue. I do not have the desire to get rid of this fetish. I love it. I really do. Yet I also like to think about why i am having this fetish, if there is a reason why I like wrestling women. Why I get such strong emotions from it, so strong that you migh consider it addictive, but in a good way. I like to think about it in a philosophical way, it's just one of those other things I am interested in besides wrestling women. And I also think that knowing yourself can be very helpfull. I have never been really able to answer the 'why' question, but all this thinking does not in anyway affect the way that enjoy my fetish. And I do not want it to change.
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  #239  
Old 10-Aug-15, 21:02
Raoul Fulgurex Raoul Fulgurex is offline
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

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Originally Posted by injection7 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Hi

There has been a time in our lives that we all have questioned the nature and the origin of our "special" interest. Based on what I can read in this topic, there's a variety of reasons and past experiences that led us in this path. There are some key concepts though that are common in each story.

1)We all like women.
2)We find special interest in women who have strength and abilities to stand to men's superior power.
3)Most of us don't like fakers and girls who act.

It comes as a natural conclusion to me that we all have hardwired in our brain, the woman's reproductive value in a way where physical abilities count the most. Since the beggining of time, mating has been a comparsion of characteristics that influence survivability. A male with good genes, would look for a female with equally good genes to reproduce since this would guarantee the survivability of the offspring.

Strong women with strong legs would be able to carry babies better while being pregnant. What is more strong women would have more chance to survive (fight or leg it). They would be able to find food easier and generally they would have the traits that in an ancient society would make them ideal mating material. This instinct has been hardwired into males for thousands of years and it still exists. In our case it puts a lot more weight on those physical characteristics.

I believe that on the sight of a woman defeating a man (scissoring him, pinning him, choking him out) we get this confirmation that this female has the genes we're looking for on an alpha female that is mating material. That's why we get the arousal from watching such material. It's probably instinct, something we don't really think that resides in the unconscious part of the mind.

It's just a natural instict gone a bit off the highway.
That explanation makes good sense and is probably one part of the story. However, I think that it runs into two distinct problems :

1) The fact that men are on average bigger/stronger than women attest of the fact that sexual selection has favoured big/strong men a lot more than it has favoured big/strong women. Indeed, a preference for a strong sexual partner is a lot more common within women than within men. And I still think that most men genuinely prefer a partner who is weaker than they are.

Now, say women have evolved an useful preference for strong men at the time when men were doing the hunting and women were doing the gathering. Any trait which is strongly selected for in only one of the sexes is likely to be seen in the other sex, at least sometime. After all, as a whole men and women share more than 22/23 of their genetic code. Think for example about why men have nipples. Some might not like the implication that a taste for a strong sexual partner could be construed as a sign of feminity, but I think there is nothing to be ashamed of.

2) While the above clearly hints at the fact that displays of strength are sexy, having a fetish about being put in life-threatening holds by women is another story. Of course, it is an ultimate display of strength, one which cannot be faked. On the other side, there are other displays that cannot be faked either and that are a lot less dangerous. Why would we have evolved a preference that can easily make dead meat of us, while we "should" enjoy more when watching strongwomen contests ? Sexual masochism exists, and is much more a challenge to an evolutionary explanation than a preference for strong women is.

Last edited by Raoul Fulgurex; 10-Aug-15 at 21:21. Reason: typo
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  #240  
Old 10-Aug-15, 21:19
Raoul Fulgurex Raoul Fulgurex is offline
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Default Re: Why we have this fetish

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zweig [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
I don't believe this is the case. However, the services of pro-dommes are usually quite expensive, and mostly well-doing men can afford them. That's the only correlation there imo.

Moreover, the hypothesis that those who want to experience being dominated usually are very confident people in control of their lives, and possibly managing others at their jobs, has no basis. In my experience, people with this fetish / desire come from every walk of life, with a wide range of personalities and budget.
In fact, that hypothesis is consistent with Roy Baumeister's "Escape from the self" theory. While there are some reasonable theories about paraphilias in general, Baumeister's one is the only consistent one I know which is specific about sexual masochism. All the others ones I know (repressed this or that) smell like bullshit psychoanalysis. In a nutshell, Baumeister's theory states that (part of) the pleasure of sexual masochism lies in abandoning the control about one's self, i.e. the constant monitoring of the image one projects onto others and onto oneself. In that view, people who need to apply more of that control in their everyday lives would need more of a release than ordinary people do.

For what it's worth, I have noticed (before knowing about Baumeister) that whenever I have to assume a more dominant role than I am used to assume, I get a kind of psychological fatigue that can be very efficiently released by a domination session. Does that ring a bell to anyone else ?

Unfortunately, the study Baumeister did about sexual masochism relied on stories submitted by the readers to an "alternate sex" magazine. The fantasies of the masochists could say a lot about what made them tick, but virtually nothing about who they were. I think the "executive hypothesis" is reasonable enough to deserve testing, but I know of no such study. And as you said, there is an obvious bias in that rich people will always get more sessions of whatever they like.
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