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#231
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Re: Why we have this fetish
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Moreover, the hypothesis that those who want to experience being dominated usually are very confident people in control of their lives, and possibly managing others at their jobs, has no basis. In my experience, people with this fetish / desire come from every walk of life, with a wide range of personalities and budget.
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#232
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Re: Why we have this fetish
True, the image of wealthy people being the typical clients exists for only economic reasons. For myself, and it seems a lot of others, the fetish of being dominated existed before puberty even.
Last edited by georgejohnson; 10-Aug-15 at 20:36. Reason: Nonsensical wording |
#233
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Re: Why we have this fetish
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#234
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Re: Why we have this fetish
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The difference is in control. One group can control an addiction, the other not. A common theory is that people that have underlying psychological problems are more likely to not be able to control the addiction than people who do not have these problems. Somebody who is depressed is more likely to become a problematic alcoholic that someone who is perfectly happy. I see the same with wrestling. I find the kick I get from being powerless when wrestling a woman so strong, it is truly addictive. Yet is a addiction I can totally control, reading your classes I would perfectly fit in the first class, except that I do find the feelings addictive. Also I consider myself a stable, happy person without any trauma's or big problems. I can imagine people with trauma's or other big problems are more susceptible to these addictive feelings and for whom it becomes more than just a fun hobby. Could be that you are saying exactly the same, but you seem to emphasize on the differences between the two groups, where I think the difference is just in the underlying trauma's or problems. |
#235
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Re: Why we have this fetish
Dividing fetishists into two groups is fine, except, there are no two groups. Fetish is always a part of your personality. Otherwise, it is not a fetish, but rather an interest, a hobby, a pleasurable pastime.
Calling the fetish addictive, presenting it in a negative light, comparing it to cocaine addiction (@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]) or labeling fetishists as self-centered freaks who do not care about anyone else (@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]) smells of sexual repression, which is absolutely against the ideas on which this forum was created. So I will ask you to refrain from doing that. Guys, if you have it in you, there is no point in fighting or repressing it. Use common sense and enjoy your uniqueness.
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#236
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Re: Why we have this fetish
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#237
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Re: Why we have this fetish
Zweig, I think you've summed this this topic up up quite well. "Common sense." What a concept!!
It's a shame to read so many comments comparing a healthy libido to drug addiction and ruined lives. I think some number of guys here have confused our taste for losing control to a woman with losing control of one's sanity. Heterosexual men think about women A LOT. There's nothing wrong with it. We just happen to have a somewhat unique way of thinking about them. In my opinion, the world is way too concerned about NORMAL SEX vs WEIRD SEX. Bruce Jenner changes his identity to Caitlyn and it makes newspaper headlines. That's bullshit! Everyone should feel free to make up stories and identities and (hopefully) find partners who want to join in. The alternative is a life of Victorian repression where sexual thoughts are called "dirty" and self-loathing is the rule. This forum is a beautiful testament to enjoying a beautiful thing. End of story. |
#238
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#239
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Re: Why we have this fetish
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1) The fact that men are on average bigger/stronger than women attest of the fact that sexual selection has favoured big/strong men a lot more than it has favoured big/strong women. Indeed, a preference for a strong sexual partner is a lot more common within women than within men. And I still think that most men genuinely prefer a partner who is weaker than they are. Now, say women have evolved an useful preference for strong men at the time when men were doing the hunting and women were doing the gathering. Any trait which is strongly selected for in only one of the sexes is likely to be seen in the other sex, at least sometime. After all, as a whole men and women share more than 22/23 of their genetic code. Think for example about why men have nipples. Some might not like the implication that a taste for a strong sexual partner could be construed as a sign of feminity, but I think there is nothing to be ashamed of. 2) While the above clearly hints at the fact that displays of strength are sexy, having a fetish about being put in life-threatening holds by women is another story. Of course, it is an ultimate display of strength, one which cannot be faked. On the other side, there are other displays that cannot be faked either and that are a lot less dangerous. Why would we have evolved a preference that can easily make dead meat of us, while we "should" enjoy more when watching strongwomen contests ? Sexual masochism exists, and is much more a challenge to an evolutionary explanation than a preference for strong women is. Last edited by Raoul Fulgurex; 10-Aug-15 at 21:21. Reason: typo |
#240
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Re: Why we have this fetish
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For what it's worth, I have noticed (before knowing about Baumeister) that whenever I have to assume a more dominant role than I am used to assume, I get a kind of psychological fatigue that can be very efficiently released by a domination session. Does that ring a bell to anyone else ? Unfortunately, the study Baumeister did about sexual masochism relied on stories submitted by the readers to an "alternate sex" magazine. The fantasies of the masochists could say a lot about what made them tick, but virtually nothing about who they were. I think the "executive hypothesis" is reasonable enough to deserve testing, but I know of no such study. And as you said, there is an obvious bias in that rich people will always get more sessions of whatever they like. |
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