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I'd rather be damned if I do!
Still, I believe a lot of guys would feel that way; hoping a woman could beat him.....yet feeling threatened if she actually could.
Glad you understand the problem. As for me, I'm getting a bit better at wrestling because we keep doing it, but I can't foresee a time I'll actually beat him.
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I am confused by why they feel that way. My wife was a really good athlete and her size was a major thing to like but still she had to expend A LOT of time and effort to become a good wrestler and fight well. And she did that FOR ME, not because she had some other need to. So if you GF or wife or just someone who cares enough about a guy goes to all the trouble and out of their way (as perhaps you have for your significant other) to become good enough to really be competitive and win, then the guy should thank his lucky starts and work to get better as well.
Having a lady who can be an equal and best you is a gift. Try being thankful and respectful. It's just so odd that when the lady succeeds and wins and starts to win consistently that suddenly the guy is "threatened". But I'm not surprised, but it is just so odd. But in wrestling and grappling, technique, quickness, strength, all matter and if a woman works had on those things why should a man who doesn't feel less because a trained fighter can take him. And especially if a pretty woman he cares about and she's doing it because he likes it.
Think about it, if a woman is a doctor, do these guys feel threatened because they can't diagnose illness as well as some "girl"? I would hope not, but I guess this pretty much captures the prejudice of people. Switch it, it's not a girl, but a black man, I guess if we think about it there was a time when some men through that by just being white it should mean you're a better wrestler, or football player, or whatever than a black would be. So I guess it shouldn't be a big leap to see continuing prejudice toward women. Sure generally women have smaller statures, so in general a guy will have an advantage, but it CAN be overcome, it's not a given. When my wife used to train heavily (before kids and there was TIME for that), she would weigh as much as I. I trained as well but she was in training for swimming, soccer, and softball, so she'd get really fit and hard. Now she's as tall as I am, but she would never really look for seem "cut", she always look great, but she was hard. And when she was dong that she was heavier. Muscle is heavier than fat, so she could when bench more, and I felt that even when we were benching the same or I was benching more, her lower bulk allowed her quickness to deliver strength and holds faster and more effectively. So in some ways it felt like her lower bulk, combined with higher quickness and equal strength made her a really hard combination to deal with. The point being, just straight out in a shoot fight there was no particular advantage to being male, in fact it seemed with strength equal and lower bulk but as much weight she had and still has the advantage. She just needed training time to learn strategy and holds.
I am proud of my wife, she's good. She can defeat me and I'm good, I can beat a lot of guys, good ones, even college wrestlers, but she's just flat better, but that's because she's trained and she works out and she works at things.