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Old 17-Jul-17, 07:25
ether ether is offline
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Default step sister defeats her step brother.

this is my first attempt at writing a fictional story, as such any feedback would be appreciated.

Defeated by step sister.
My younger years growing up were almost perfect, being an only child getting all the attention from both of my parents. That was until my mother passed away, and my dad remarried to his second wife. She was not to bad though, it was her daughter, my new step sister Rina that really ruined my perfect existence. She was 2 years younger than me at 15, and extremely popular, athletic, and beautiful, with long dark hair. This was very different to me, I was more a skinny nerdy gamer guy. I only weighed 140lbs, being 5’8 tall a bit more than my step-sisters 5’5 125lbs. I resented the fact that she was so popular getting invited to far more parties than me. She also ended up getting whatever she wanted a lot. This included a lot less chores around the house than me, because apparently, she had less free time due to all her sports practice. It particularly irked me that our parents viewed her hobbies of sports, and hanging out with friends, as somehow more important than my gaming hobby.

As a result of all this I often was pretty mean to her whenever I could be without our parents seeing. I also enjoyed intentionally watching the tv downstairs even though I had a tv in my room, as she didn’t have one in her room, which meant she couldn’t watch tv. She would often ask if because I was using the living room tv, could she use the tv in my room, and I would take great pleasure in denying her this.

After a year of living together me and my step-sister had built up quite a bit of animosity towards each other, and one weekend our parents said they were going to be going away for the weekend, and that I being the oldest of us would be in charge while they were away. I was very much looking forward to this. The perfect chance to make rina’s life miserable for a few days, and get a little revenge. I thought I’d make her do all the chores, clearning and cooking for the weekend, to make up for the disproportionate share I had been doing.

Around 5pm on Friday evening our parents waved goodbye, as I sat in the living room watching tv. Around an hour later my sister came down from her room, and I said “rina you need to clear the kitchen, and bathroom, but before you do any of that go make me a sandwich.” “what I’m not doing that, those are your chores” my sister replied. “well mum and dad put me in charge this weekend, and I’m telling you to do them, so get on with it unless you want to challenge me little girl” I said while standing up off the couch to intimidate her. She looked at me for a few seconds clearly contemplating, before replying “yes I do want to challenge you, mum and dad didn’t put you in charge so you could make me do all the chore while you sit on your ass watching tv” “very well, how about we settle this with a best 2 out of 3 fight, downstairs in the basement on the mats. If I win you will do what ever I say for the rest of the weekend, no moaning or crying about it. Deal?” I honeslly expected my sister to backdown, and wouldn’t expect her to dare challenge me a male who was 2 years older, and bigger than her, but to my surprise she said “fine, as long as the same goes for you if I win” I agreed to her terms, and was not disappointed, honestly despite my surprise I was quite happy about getting the opportunity to take my frustrations out on her physically, and to really be given the chance to put the pampered brat in her place. I really felt like this was going to be extremely easy.

5 minutes later we met downstairs in the our basement which was also a gym with a matted area near the centre. I asked her if she wanted to change her mind and back down, but she said no. so we squared off in the centre of the mats. She was wearing a short tank top, that revealed her toned abs, and short sports shorts, that showed off her equally toned legs, both much harder than my own. It was at this moment I first noticed that her legs were somewhat thicker than my own, although it gave me little concern as she was just a girl. “you ready?” I asked. “yes” she quickly replied, and we both dropped to our knees and closed in on each other we ended up locking our fingers in a classic test of strength, much to my delight to start with, as I thought this would favour me greatly. How ever I was shocked to find that we were very evenly matched, and after 30 seconds of trying to get an advantage over her, and trying to bend her wrists back our hands were right back where they started still in a stalemate. What concerned me most was that my sister was smiling, clearly pleased at being able to stand her own in this test of strength. This greatly frustrated me, so I decided to change tactics, and pulled my hands out of hers, then charged forward at her tackling her to the ground. I proceded to put her in a headlock squeezing as tight as I could, but after 20 seconds she manged to squeeze her head out of it, so I tackled her once again landing ontop of her. Sitting on her chest I tried to pin her arms, but she manged to buck me off. this time she took the offensive juming ontop of my while I layed on my back. We struggled there for a good minute as she tried to pin my down, while I tried to resist until I rolled myself over onto my front at which moment, she put me in a sleeper style choke hold from behind. I began to stuggle for air, and was growing tired, and weaker when I managed to lean forwards and roll her over me forcing her to let go as she landed on her back. I backed off for a second to catch my breath while she got back onto her knees to face me. This was proving much more challenging than I had anticipated. We were both panting for breathe although I did look noteably more exhausted, and was dripping in sweat, while she was only sweating lightly. I decided that tackling her worked well, and I needed to finish this quickly, as such I charged towards her aiming to tackled her, but at the same moment she did the same to me, and we met together in the centre each trying to drive the other back. For 1 second we were even, then she managed to quickly drive me backwards so I fell onto my back with her ontop of me. She proceed to apply a grapevine hold to me attempting to drive my legs apart, while at the same time trying to pin my arms as I attempted to resist with little success. Her legs were clearly much stronger than my own, and she was having little trouble quickly ripping my legs far apart. I felt like she would rip me in two! What was worse was she was also managing to pin my arms firmly in place above my head. Despite my best efforts I couldn’t move them an inch. Evidently due to the exhaustion of the fight my arms had weakened a lot while her’s clearly had not, and she now appeared stronger than me. I gave one final surge of effort to resist her as every muscle in my body matched up against once of hers, my left leg vs her right, my right arm vs her left, and to my horror I found that her muscles managed to defeat mine in every battle, despite my best efforts I had not managed to move any of my limbs 1 inch. She had me completely under control, I could not move at all. Suffering from incredible pain, I faced the reality that I had been defeated, and screamed “I give up! Please let me go!” after a few seconds she did so, and then climbed onto all fours with her hands positioned just above each of my shoulders positioning her head a few inches above mine so I had to look straight up into her smug face. She smiled and said “ this isn’t a very good start for you is brother”

To be continued in part 2.
also any ideas for part 2 would be greatly appreciated, i do already plan on making use of a scissor hold in part 2.

Last edited by ether; 18-Jul-17 at 09:00. Reason: adding text breaks
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  #2  
Old 17-Jul-17, 09:05
james james is offline
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Default Re: step sister defeats her step brother.

She could sit on his face?
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Old 17-Jul-17, 12:36
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mixfightor mixfightor is offline
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Default Re: step sister defeats her step brother.

Yep, I agree with James.

Thanks for this story, mate. It certainly sounds interesting.
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Old 17-Jul-17, 17:17
Lucipher2k Lucipher2k is offline
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Default Re: step sister defeats her step brother.

Great start to the story. As you asked for some feedback, I would suggest a little proof reading. Your first line "My younger gears growing up", I am sure you meant younger years growing up. I personally like a lot of detail in how holds are applied, but that is a personal opinion. That is about all the feedback I can offer, hope that helps. Thank you for your efforts.
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Old 17-Jul-17, 20:35
14600141 14600141 is offline
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Default Re: step sister defeats her step brother.

Just a few pieces of advice. First try to incorporate some more holds really there was just a few takles and a grapevine pin. Also I personally like a bit of a competitive back and forth match. Also, think about adding some hot and juicy details. For example, the guy was getting grapevine pinned so her boobs would be around or right over his face. Discribe how he feels about that (turned on? Does he like/hate it? Etc.). Finally, Let the guy have a good amount of time on top throughout the match making the girl on the verge of tapping out or getting pinned. It just makes her seem stronger and more dominant when she does beat him in the end because she overcame a challenging opponent.

Overall though it was a great start for your first story and I can't wait for part two!
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Old 18-Jul-17, 03:26
nintoollica nintoollica is offline
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Default Re: step sister defeats her step brother.

The ideas I have are facesitting, stinkface, and kissing. As for feedback, I would say that putting a break in your text makes it a whole lot easier to read than just a wall of text. I like what Im seeing though so keep it up and I hope you take my suggestions into consideration!
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Old 18-Jul-17, 09:01
ether ether is offline
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Default Re: step sister defeats her step brother.

thanks for all the advice only just got to look at it now, and cant stay on long, i changed gears to years, and added some text breaks where i had already put enters.

tomorrow i'll copy the whole thing into word, and spell check it/maybe proof read as i know my english/spelling isn't the best.
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Old 19-Jul-17, 01:55
kendawg kendawg is offline
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Default Re: step sister defeats her step brother.

Looking toward to the second part. I'm hoping she continues to dominate her older brother. I like the face sit/ smother direction. And like other people said describe how he feels getting dominated by his sister.
This is your first story and it's really good. Writing these types of stories is not the easiest thing.
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Old 20-Jul-17, 01:21
Turtleshell Turtleshell is offline
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Default Re: step sister defeats her step brother.

This is a great start! I look forward to seeing the brother turn it around to make it close but the sister closing out the win, maybe with a bit of dirty fighting.

Echoing some feedback from others, adding line breaks helps with the readability and I'd love to see more moves to keep the wrestling exciting. Although such a quick and easy defeat for the sister is pretty awesome!

Keep it up and thanks for the story
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