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Old 31-Oct-19, 16:05
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Unhappy Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

Hello all,

So I've enjoyed watching mixed wrestling videos a lot but I've started to watch more conventional stuff and I'm trying to wean off this (it's not easy). I'm extremely turned on with the idea of a stronger woman dominating me in wrestling but I am also embarrassed by it. And pleasure lasts only for the moment, but humiliation, lasts longer.

I know some of you share this feeling too. But overall, I see this as being bad for my romantic life for the below reasons:

1. Women aren't attracted to men who enjoy this stuff. They can't see a submissive man as attractive. I would be happy to be wrong in this, but it's what I've noticed in real life.

2. Men are actually stronger than women biologically in an apples to apples comparison (genetics, diet and training being similar). So men are expected to protect and lead and that goes to point 1 again. By resigning ourselves to this fetish, we don't make an effort to become stronger because we absolutely get turned on by the opposite (being weaker). So we aren't living to our greatest potential.

3. I think each of us came to this because a particular incident hit our self-esteem (not who but the basic worth of us as men). Either being hit in childhood, or losing to a stronger woman, or admiring women and being rejected by then that being touched by then in the form of a domination was the only way - and some of that that left us extremely humiliated but later we realized we could do nothing about it or the effort to salvage our dignity was too much, so we accepted it in our psyche that it's okay, to the point of wanting it as the touch of a woman (sexual).

4. We idolize women and demean ourselves and we think that by praising them we are getting somewhere, but truth is their idea of such a man is that he's a "loser". So why should we encourage our mind to be treated like a loser? And isn't that precisely the definition of a person who lacks self-esteem?

I guess the only reason I'm typing this here is to learn the thoughts of others. Does any of the 4 points above make sense or resonate with anyone here? I'm balancing here as well - a base urge in me wants it, but the human in me knows it's a path to becoming and being considered a "loser".
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Old 31-Oct-19, 20:01
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XOL XOL is offline
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Default Re: Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

Hey there,


Women want to find the most wild Stallion out on the pasture and THEN lasso it for themselves. So yes, what you say is true.
The "mixed wrestling/fighting fetish" on here does seem to stem from a lot of self esteem issues that were caused by some
sort of trauma at a younger stage of life as they were growing up. I don't really know any one personally on this forum but
I do get the impression that some individuals on this forum are caught in a state of self loathing that almost certainly
cannot be healthy or conducive to an active romantic life. I did a thread called "Do you prefer getting dominated or watching domination"
when I first joined the forum and I got A LOT of interesting replies and private messages from that thread. One person in particular
that I talked to seemed to be in a clincal state of depression when exploring the issue of his submissive nature and how it negatively
impacted his life. I felt legitimately bad for the guy.

America and Western society are going through some very strange times right now and it's not making things very easy for young men to kind of find their
place in the world. You have college classes preaching on subjects such as "Toxic Masculinity","Transgenderism", 4th or 5th Wave Feminism-or whatever
wave they're on at this point that deliver messages of that are the antithesis of pursuing and egalitarian society- and Hollywood doing an all out assault
on men by propping up female leads that are essentially iginiminiously replacing male characters because society seems to have deemed them a menace.
I do not have an issue with powerful female characters, however, I do have a giant issue with the cultural climate of out society right now that tends
to be on an anti-male crusade which seems to be the undertone of a lot of pop culture out there right now.

The irony of the MeToo movement in my opinion(and I'm not talking about the rapists when I say this but more of the cultural impact it has had on
the common folk in middle to lower classes of society), is that the movement has acted as this mass indictment of male sexuality while completely ignoring
a lot of the inherent primal traits of female sexuality which revolve around seeking a male partner that has strength
and the ability to provide and protect. A lot of male sexuality and behavior is a direct reflection of what the needs and desires of females are
and vice versa. Women wear curvy dresses and do their hair because it amplifies the physical attributes that men find attractive, making them more
competitive in finding a worthy man.

My point in bringing all of this up, is that our society is in a place right now that is almost relishing the emasculation of the male sex
and you have to understand that probably a lot of young men, I'm talking like teens and very early twenties, are battling all of this right now
and very much have the deck of cards stacked against them in the effort to make themselves successful and confident. I'm very much glad that
I'm very far removed from my adolescensce at this point when I see a lot of the shit going on that could act as a detriment to the development
of young men. Elements of our society are trying it's absolute damndest to strip men of their masculine traits in my opinion- and that's a real
fucking shame as I think it's only going to cause greater problems in the future as it is simply going against the


Now let me say this to finish up- THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FEELING A RIVALRY WITH THE FEMALE SEX. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It is completely natural man. I think
every single person in their childhood and adolescence encounters the intangible but ever present battle of the sexes. At that age though, everyone
is very vulnerable to the experiences they are having and a negative experience can really mess someone up; males in particular because there is much
more emphasis on proving ourselves and defending our "ground" I guess you could say. Females really have nothing to lose if they are outclassed by a guy
in sports or some sort of competition.

A lot of my sexuality comes from a rivalry that I feel with women. I don't know if you follow any of my threads on this forum but my watershed
moment came from watching the James Bond movie "Goldeneye" which has the character Xenia Onatopp. I felt a rivalry with the character of Xenia
Onatopp. I felt that she represented a woman that was a challenge to my dominance and I found it wildly arousing. I believe this was a completely
natural reaction to the character. Mythologies and folklores from time immemorial encapsulate and explore stories about the rivalry and differences
between males and females. Onatopp was a character that looked to push men and their strength to the absolute brink. In this case, the man that
she was pushing to the brink of his abilities was James Bond- one of the ultimate symbols of masculinity in pop culture. So I guess, I kind of had
a unique situation where I had two characters the represented opposing champions of both the female and male sexes. I'm kind of an outlier on this
forum as I kind of champion both masculinity and femininity. I don't think it's healthy to be a complete fucking masochist like some men are.
That is something that is completely alien to me.

I don't really believe that sexuality is linear for anyone. We all kind of have a lot of different "kinks" and turn ons. I don't know
if the answer to your problem is completely cutting out femdom wrestling- I think that might be a bad idea because it's most likely something
that is DEEPLY ingrained within your sexuality. I think the solution to your problem of feeling embarassed is probably pursuing things
that might make you feel a little bit more masculine and fulfilled. Lifting weights? Eating low fat diet(high fat diets increase estrogen)?
Watching male dominant BDSM porn with the woman tied down and completely at the mercy of her male partner? Try exploring and expanding things
that might help your sexuality out man. I wouldn't run away from this fetish but I would try to balance it with other things that will fulfill
your masculine needs a little bit. There is probably just a part of your psyche right now that is feeling neglected and you need to start
working on.


That's the best I can do for you man. I'm not an expert. I can only dole out advice by using my own personal frame of reference. I'm sorry
if it kind of has you down but I'm sure if you start tinkering around with different ideas and activities, you might find some stuff that
really helps you out.
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Old 01-Nov-19, 03:52
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jaythefire666 jaythefire666 is offline
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Default Re: Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

Thanks XOL,

Yeah, I am not completely cutting it off (I don't know if I have the will nor ability to, that's either a sad thing or not so much), but I have started enjoying more "normal" porn as well. But I continue to be turned on by this the most

In my regular life, I can be assertive when I get angry in a situation. My diet is already pretty good, I had a blood test last year and my levels of hormone, fat are normal - I have about 8% body fat. But I think a lot of guys who have this imbalanced like this stuff more, and don't see it as a wrong thing. I don't lift weights, but I do exercise like pull ups, running, squats and I'm neither strong, nor weak.

I agree with a lot of what you said, it was spot on. Men are strong, but it's wrong to show, men are smart, but wrong to show - there is seldom a character who shows positive image of a man without it being the regular alpha jock who is generally sensitive and supportive of a strong willed woman. I think we need to start defining masculinity more wholesomely - because right now it's all about strength - what about integrity, intelligence, being strong-willed? Especially the last one - men are always made to feel like losers. And I think much of this comes as a reply to the many eras of how women have actually been and felt suppressed - the modern world tries to reverse that (like it does racism), and puts women on this pedestal - and that leaves it okay to hurt a man's emotions.

Like I would probably only do this with a woman I know loves me, and maybe not even her. I get it that women are trying reclaim their place as humans, but it's getting a bit too far - to the point that there are entire generations of men who don't know what their potentials are and where they should be because they were grown by single moms who taught them to lower their potential and be "gentlemen" instead of encouraging them that they have potential, and all this so as to not turn them aggressive. I'm glad my points made sense to someone here and thank you for taking the time to reply at length.

I would strongly encourage each member in this forum, and whoever is reading this, to keep a check on their potential as men not be stunted by the inclination to this fetish. Even though we like to think our kinks are a separate thing - it's in some way actually a reflection of our personality and where we will go. I wonder how well people did here in their personal lives - serious question. How many of you are assertive?
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Old 01-Nov-19, 05:31
lacet lacet is offline
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Default Re: Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

I don't lack self-esteem. I hate to lose and I've no desire to lose to a women. I'd never wrestle a woman because I'd feel bad if I won and humiliated if I lost.

Most men are sports fans and strongly invested in their favored teams. They get a thrill when their team wins. For some unknown reason, I've always been a rabid fan of team female. Women's gymnastics, figure skating, ballet. Plus I get a special thrill when girls and women defeat boys and men.
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Old 02-Nov-19, 19:49
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Default Re: Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

Coming from a man who is the submissive in a relationship, I don’t have any self esteem issues when it comes to being subordinate to a woman. In fact, i feel its quite the opposite. It takes a more secure man to admit that his woman is a better leader, and then following her lead. I feel that the men who have the self esteem issues are the ones that put on a macho facade and insist that they should be dominant in a relationship...just because they are men.

Also, just because a man is submissive, it doesnt mean that he is unable to defend his woman if he needs to. Although i am submissive to my wife, that doesn’t mean i have to be submissive to everyone. I wouldnt hesitate to defend her if the opportunity presented itself. Both me and my wife know this. I would never sit back and expect her to defend herself just because she is the dominant one.

I do not necessarily disagree with your post in it’s entirely or others who have replied, but i am just giving some insight from someone who is living the life of a submissive man.
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Old 03-Nov-19, 05:58
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Default Re: Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

That works I guess because you are still actually stronger than your woman? But if you weren't?

I love the idea of a goddess totally overpowering me with her strength, enveloping me in her beautiful body with so much skill. It turns me on so much (even as I type this!). But the self-esteem part comes when I realize I actually don't mean anything to such a goddess - maybe just a loser. And that's what doesn't sit well with my sense of self-esteem. I guess one day I might get lucky and meet a wrestling girl with whom I won't feel this way because her general behavior to me would be of love and respect so her trapping me between her legs and constantly pinning me won't affect my self-esteem. But I still ask, what if we have an argument? Would she say something that makes me feel like I'm a loser/not a man?

In your relationship, when you say you are submissive - is that mean in most aspects like decision making etc? What happens when you guys argue or get into a major fight, do you just accept her decision?

Thanks again to all of you for discussing this. It occupies my mind sometimes (not always), but I would love to resolve it in my mind.
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Old 04-Nov-19, 06:21
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Default Re: Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

It’s funny this topic comes up.

And I say that because I am toeing a very fine line by being on this kind of website. I absolutely love the idea of two sexy women going at it in a boxing ring. I also like the picture of a sparring match between me and an equally skilled female boxer with dirty clinching in a fight that ends in a draw.

What I don’t love is being humiliated by a woman in public. Call me a sexist, misogynist, whatever. I simply don’t like losing, especially losing to a woman. I guess it’s just feelings I accrued during my childhood that I never really corrected. I would hate the idea of me play-boxing with a woman only to have her knock me out just to show off to her friends, and having that video plastered on social media everywhere. I also don’t like coming across videos that feature that exact scenario; it triggers my secondhand anxiety.

Like I said, I’d love to struggle with a tough female boxer under the bright lights in a boxing ring by ourselves. I wouldn’t say it was a self-esteem issue that caused this fetish, just a weird kink that can become very negative if it goes too far. Hopefully I didn’t offend anyone with my comment.
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Old 05-Nov-19, 02:10
j94n j94n is offline
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Default Re: Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

well yes before but i don't have an issue now but i till have the fetish
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Old 05-Nov-19, 02:20
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Default Re: Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

All four points make sense. This definitely not the strat to use to improve your love life.

You could look at this fetish in terms of evolutionary biology. Some of us men just want to mate with the strongest, fittest women possible to improve our off-spring. How better to judge this than with a wrestling match. Thus male vs female was born.
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Old 05-Nov-19, 03:50
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Default Re: Do any of you see this fetish as a self-esteem issue?

I have thought this in times past, but now I can't. My dating life has been going pretty well recently to the point where I can't reasonably feel that attractive women are "better" than me.

Even so I still have fantasies, some lived out, where women really feel themselves while I worship them in some way, or am physically bested by them. I am having more "hot sub" submissive fantasies than "too good for you" scenarios, but even the latter is still not absent.
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