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Old 21-Jan-21, 21:23
Gatsby87 Gatsby87 is offline
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Default Re: Wrestling with partner - first time for both of us

Congrats on having a partner who is willing to indulge in some grappling with you! While I’m no expert, I have experience with this between partners, session wrestlers and experience in my local BDSM and kink community. To start, you’ll want to treat this just like you would with any kind of BDSM activity, and that is establish consent before play. Sit down with your partner when you’re not hot and horny and have a thorough discussion on kinks, soft limits and hard limits. Things to talk about include, but aren’t limited to:
  • How intense do you want your sessions to be? Do you want to go more of the fantasy route, or do you want to be more competitive?
  • What kind of holds are allowed? Joint locks, chokes, smothers are all things that need to be covered. She might not have an issue with getting armbarred, but may not want to be choked.
  • Speaking of that, does she want pin, submission, a sexfight, or some combination of either?
  • What kind of attire do you and her want? Want workout clothing, will she feel comfortable going topless, or fighting nude?
  • Where does she want to fight? Do you have a matted area, or do you want to fight in the backyard, or the bedroom?
  • Is trash talking ok? I had a partner who loved it when I called her derogatory names during a match, and another who did not.
  • Is striking allowed? What areas of the body are ok with you and her to hit?
  • Are KO’s ok? What about ignoring taps?
  • Are leaving marks like scratches and bruises on the body ok? If so, where are bruises ok to have? (She might be ok with bruises in an area that can be easily covered like breasts or stomach vs the face, neck or forearms)
  • And finally, aftercare is important. What does she need after a match? What do you need?

Basically, you want to cover everything with her in as much detail as you can to make sure that you both have the most pleasurable experience possible. The last thing you want is to do something that makes her upsets and ruins the experience for you (and vice versa!) This kink is so broad and has so many different aspects and niches to it that you’ll be hard pressed to find two mixed wrestling fans with the exact same interests and limits.

Now, to get more specifically into wrestling itself, your absolute best bet is to look into taking grappling classes. With COVID, how feasible this is might vary based on where you live, but in general, going to a martial arts gym is a great place to learn proper technique including how to properly break a fall, choke without causing serious and/or permanent damage, and when to tap safely to a hold. There are even BDSM classes (again, depends on your area) devoted to wrestling, or what is more commonly referred to in that world as “rough body play” or “primal” play that can teach you proper and safe grappling and striking techniques.

Another suggestion I have is for you and your partner to actually see a session wrestler! In the BDSM world, it is not uncommon for partners to see a dominatrix to learn more about the trade, and just like in any thing that we do in our lives, sometimes the best way to learn is to see a professional. Find someone who has been around for awhile, has skill and experience (in other words isn’t someone who only relies on brute strength and actually knows technique) and has worked with couples before. You may be surprised to hear session providers who have experience with working with couples.

And finally, a couple important points to keep note of. If you’re going to incorporate choke holds in your matches, please learn and practice how to properly perform blood chokes. Blood chokes target the carotid artery and jugular vein by putting pressure on the sides of the neck, and when performed properly cause your opponent to go out in seconds. Air chokes involve compression in the front of the neck and should NEVER be performed as they can crush and do permanent damage to the sensitive organs in the neck. If you’re going to incorporate striking, focus your blows on large, fleshy parts of the body with lots of muscle. Areas like the glutes, upper arms, thighs are usually good. Stomach is a bit of a “yellow” zone: if you’re doing body punches make sure you and your partner know how to tense your abs to prepare for the blow and exhale out, and avoid the ribs. Also, unless you and your partner are absolutely, 100% ok with it, don’t follow through on your punches (in other words, keep them light and stingy versus putting all your weight into your punch).

There’s so much more that goes into this than I can cover in one post, but I hope this helps! Like I said, I’m no expert, but I have been doing this for a bit.

Good luck!
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