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  #1  
Old 06-May-14, 05:22
gameking
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Default Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

(So yeah, I'm just doing the stories in one thread now, since I can use posts to set-up the next bout and then the actual bout itself. I know the last one got a little dialogue heavy, my mistake.)

*THUD*

That sound you may ask?

The sound of my back hitting a gym mat, albeit a very thin one and the wood underneath the mat. My opponent executed a perfect hip throw and this was the first move of the match. Yeah, I'm screwed and who I am facing?

Laura Vandervoort, second degree black belt in Shotokan karate.

Dressed in a shirt and yoga pants, ready to pretty much destroy me. Ever since she didn't get the contenders match, she's been bugging my boss for a match. My boss, looking out for my well being tried to hold her off. When I finally said book it, I was relieved. My reaction after my decision began to sink in: Head meet desk, desk meet head about ten times. Leggy opponent who knows how to use her feet and hands to hurt.

I rose back to my feet and the fact that I was slowly rising was not a good sign in my book as I approached her. I tried to grapple with her again, and once again I went went up in the air and hit the mat in a hip throw. Once again, my back hit the mat hard and not since Lawrnece was my back hurting this bad. She wasn't even following up with anything, she was just walking to other side of the mat.

Alright, grappling might be out of the question for now, so strike with a striker. I actually put my fists up when I approached her and she actually laughed. I threw a wild shot and she placed one hand around the goozle and used her other arm to hold the swinging arm. She swept my legs out and drove me into the ground. Once again, she just simply walked back to the other side of the mat and waited. I once again rose because one: I'm an idiot and number two: I was getting a nice chunk of change from this.She was once again came near me and I tried a straight take down and it was stuffed. Even better, she hooked my arm, wrenched it out and then punched me right in the heart, followed by a direct knee to the stomach.

This isn't a fight, it's a mugging. A thugging. A drubbing. This isn't Magiv vs Jordan, this is when Moses Malone would beat the ever-living crap out of Kareem. She Fights videos are much more competitive than this. I'd rather face the Bellas again. As I found myself laying on the floor, Vandervoort actually looked bored.

"So...are you any good at this?" She asked

"Only on Tuesdays." I responded as I saw her coming at me.

She grabbed my hair (Note to self: GET HAIRCUT) and helped me to my feet. She did the same thing as before, wrenching the arm back and driving me into the wall. She went to kick me in the stomach and I actually blocked it! She then hit me with a karate punch to the heart and once again,* it felt like my chest had imploded. She then drove another one right into the chest. Yeah, really reconsidering it, especially the next few sidekicks that she drove into my stomach. I'm pretty sure that my entire chest and stomach are on fire at this point as she seemingly backed up. I began to move forward as she hit a perfect push kick to the chest and that knocked the wind out of me. Of course, I wasn't falling to the floor as she kept me up on the feet by holding me.

"Awww...You wanna fall down?" She whispered into my ear.

Yes.

I was pretty much deciding that I was gonna fall down no matter what. She let go and I fell to the floor in a heap. I slowly got onto all fours when I saw her standing by me. I saw lift her leg in an arc and realized that an Axe Kick was coming and I just barely rolled out of the way. All right, I'm not out of the fight yet. I was back standing and I decided it was time to rally. I approached her cautiously and she threw a kick towards my thigh. It didn't look it had much force, but just a warning shot. The next kick hit the back of my thigh and caused just a nice sting. I kept approaching and she tee'd off again, no time to catch it. She finally hit another one and I went down to one knee. She came towards me and what's the animal word they use when you're faking something? Oh, yeah...

Possum.

She came near and I dove at her, it was a last-ditch dive and I actually got her to the ground in a sloppy-ass takedown. She actually rolled over onto her stomach and I decided to try something new. I began to lock in a full nelson and remembered that I was once the victim of a full nelson camel clutch. I began to arc it up high and I heard her back cracking hard.* She was starting to moan in pain, but I knew she was biting her lip to prevent any screaming. I could feel her trying to wiggle her arms free. After trying to clamp the hold on some more, I felt one arm getting free and decided to wrap my arms around her chin, which hurts like hell. Envision this, putting your jaw in a vice-grip and slowly tightening it.

Hey, her jaw cracked.

There is one problem to the move, it may hurt but it doesn't inflict that much pain. So, once she got her hands in, the move is pretty much rendered useless. I tried to keep it own, but sometimes you need to know better and just let go. As she rose, I quickly clamped on the full nelson and began putting the pressure on. I saw her lift her knee up and just wondered what the hell was she doing.

Stomp.

Stomp.

Stomp.

She was driving the heel of her foot into my foot, specifically the toes, and then reared that head forward and drove it right back and I felt a nasty crunch when it hit. I backed up and WHAM! Right hook right on the jaw which sent me stumbling backwards. Between what surely a broken nose and the small amount of blood trickling from my lips, I decided that it was time to fight dirty. She came right at looking to put me away and I lunged at her. My hope was to grab a hold of her shirt and place it over her head. We're going north of the border, eh. With the shirt over her head, I started throwing hockey punches, aiming to soften up her stomach. They weren't power punches or probably really effective and I may have hit her boob once her twice. I did hear what was music to my ears:

OOF~!

OOF~!

OOF~!

Unfortunately she was starting to blocking more shots so less shots were connecting. So, I moved her over to the wall and moved over to her side. I then cranked up a few knees so that she really couldn't block it. They were effective as she began to realize that this wasn't a cakewalk and this was becoming an honest to goodness fight. The last knee must have hit a soft spot because went down to her knees upon impact. I went to grab her by the hair and you know what she had the balls to do? Or at least do to my balls, a karate punch straight to the old testicles. I automatically tended to Little Al and Medium-Sized Medina. I saw her taking her shirt off and wrapping it around my throat and choking me with it. Jim Ross would talk about how this match has devolved into a brawl. Can I get him to call my next battle? She even cross the shirt as I desperately grabbed the shirt trying to get it loose. I could feel the oxygen seeping out of my body, pain sensors working triple overtime, just the whole word in her hands. She then maneuvered me to where my back was against the war, which had some good news. No more chokes, but now I dreaded what was coming next. Her stomach was a nice shade of red though, so the punches must have hurt.

I saw her knee swinging and gaining momentum and WHAM! Right into the chest, and I swore to god that I heard a rib break or something break. It was not over as the knee slammed into my chest again and a third time as I felt a serious shortness of breath. I was one all fours, huffing and puffing, trying to get my breathing back to normal. She wasn't done as she placed me against the wall in a kneeling position, pinned my arms and placed her foot on my nerve clusters and pushed down. It was a modified nerve hold as I felt my body beginning to shut down. No last act of defiance this time, no rally at the bottom of the ninth. The oxygen was gone and I fell into the deep, dark world of unconsciousness. All I saw was her grin as my eyes rolled into the back of my head. The last thing I felt was her letting go and the THUD of my body hitting the mat.
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Old 06-May-14, 09:42
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Default Re: Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

Damn. When I suggested Laura as an opponent for you, mate, I had no idea what she would do to you. You rallied a bit in the second half of it, but over all she kicked your ass. I loved it! Just what we needed to get us hooked on your writing all over again.

Thank you so much for continuing your Hollywood Jobber series, mate.
  #3  
Old 08-May-14, 19:50
gameking
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Default Re: Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

Imagine how my boss must have felt walk into the office at eight AM to find me passed out on her leather couch. She cleared her throat a few times before I finally came to. What I saw was a woman with two emotions: befuddlement and anger. Plus, I knocked over her potted plant.

"First, how did you get in here?"

"You know our bathroom window?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, we don't have a bathroom window anymore."

"What happened?"

"Vandervoort happened."

I began to get off the couch and noticed some blood on her leather couch. She then noticed the blood.

"Little club soda should fix that."

"Jesus Christ, what did she do to you?"

"Hmmm...I'm pretty sure I have a broken rib or two, on top of what I'm sure is a broken nose and a concussion."

"You do know that you're not supposed to sleep if you have concussion?"

"Yeah, and there was nothing to keep me awake at the office. I can only re-watch the match so many times before I pass out. How do you not have Hulu?"

"Not the Hulu conversation again."

"My grandma has Hulu and she's like...eighty. I'm just leaving it at that and I can't access your computer before I don't have the password and I forgot mine."

"It's guest."

"Once again...concussion and a broken nose. Which really, really, really hurts. My god, can we go to a doctor?"

"Oh come here you baby."

I came over, she grabbed a hold of what was left of my nose and adjusted my nose back to normal. It kinda hurt and I wondered just how the hell she was able to fix that. She motioned me over to her desk and I sat down. I noticed that the people in Atlanta gave her a belt and she had it framed.

"How did you get a belt? I won their belt and I didn't get a belt."

"You lost the belt an hour later. That was a thank you award of sorts for helping them out all these years. First, I want you to take a few weeks off. I understand that you probably don't want to, but this was worse than the Bellas."

"That was the plan."

"Second, and I know this sounds bad considering your current state, but when you come back, then's are going to be rough. Word of the Portman match has seeped out and you're the worst kept secret in Hollywood."

"Hooray for that, I guess."

"I'd hold off on the hoorays, word seeped to some of the actresses in the Marvel films and now they want payback. "

She slid me a piece of paper with the names: Johansson, Dennings, and Alexander. All gunning for me. Did Portman get them together and put a bounty on my head? I now envision Portman sounding like Harley Race and saying Dennings like KABUKI. Let's see: Alexander is leggy which isn't great, Dennings is chesty and a bit thick and Johansson is just Johansson a mixture of both. So yeah, I'm gonna take those few weeks and just enjoy my life for those days.

Coming Soon: The Marvel Matches
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Old 09-May-14, 13:25
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Default Re: Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

Oh, wow... The Marvel Matches sound awesome. I can't wait, mate.
  #5  
Old 16-May-14, 05:13
gameking
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Default Re: Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

My few weeks off weren't that bad to be honest, I stewed a bit about the last match and by god we were going to meet again. Actually, probably not to be quite honest. My current frustration was these "Marvel Matches": Dennings, Alexander, and finally Johansson. The good news is that Dennings was up to bat first and I felt good about my chances. Don't get me wrong, I knew Dennings had some weapons that could make this interesting. One, she wasn't some waif or skinny girl, she had some weight on her. Two, you know this was her...well you know.

Tits, 36DD to be more accurate. Don't get me wrong, I know how I want to go if I lose this thing, but then again I've thought that against Perry, Nikki Bella and hell even the boss. What? Don't look at me that way, she still looks good for her age. Although, she did give me some good advice.

One: Dennings isn't an action girl, so she probably doesn't have much for training, so wear her out. Make her work for everything and when you think she's gonna break, break her.

Two: Dennings does have a weight issue, so use it against her. That stomach is a weak spot, so even if she has you in a hold, slap it. Poke it, flick it, do anything to it. Let her know that you know her weakness and you will capitalize on it.

Three: If you have a chance to win it, win it spectacularly and send a message with the victory. You got two other opponents that are going to know about this match, so send them a message. This won't be a picnic for them.

Somehow, and some way I ended up at the same boxing gym that I faced Portman at. Of course, there was a minor change. There wasn't a boxing ring anymore, it was a wrestling ring. Ropes were replaced with steel cable ropes and the mat was hard as hell. Obviously, this was going to throw a wrench into my plans. Found out that supposed "Pro Wrestling Enthusiast" Natalie Portman donated it and it was becoming a wrestling school. Yeah, and I'm Alec Baldwin. I got in the ring and did a quick bump and holy crap that was one stiff ring. I quickly went towards where I changed before and the door was locked. An inauspicious start at best, so I changed in the tiny ass bathroom. Good old shorts and t-shirt, you've been through so much crap. Rings ropes were beyond tight, which gave me an idea. Dennings arrived and her attire was not the usual: baby blue bra and briefs. Definitely not fight gear that I used to but she had a potential distraction and was flaunting it. I didn't notice she was tiny bit soft in the stomach and the boss was right. She looked pissed at me.

"You do know, that you're gonna pay for what you did to Natty?"

"For?"

"Beating her up."

"Well, did she tell you about the fact that she almost ripped my arm off and relentlessly beat me for almost 30 minutes?"

"She....might have left that out."

"Ya think!?"

I had another zippy one-liner in me, but didn't notice Dennings taking me down with a headlock and it wasn't a quick one, it was more of a slam followed by a headlock. I quickly found myself on my stomach and began working my up to all fours. Unfortunately, she shifted her body and I found myself flat on my back and saw her stomach. So I flicked it a few times.

"Don't you fucking dare do that again."

So, I flicked it again.

"What, are you one of those guys who only likes skinny girls?"

"Nope, I actually find you pretty sexy. This is just mind games."

She quickly transitioned the headlock into the side choke, which Mark Coleman of UFC fame used in the 90's, you pretty much trap the arm and crank on the opponents head. So yeah, it does hurt and I may reconsider the stomach stuff. I was able to sit up and begin working my way but she quickly brought me back down. She moved over into mount and thoughts of a smothering were running wild. Nope, she grabbed my arms and used them to transition into a figure four headscissors.

Yeah this was not going well.

She had a hold of the bad arm arm and I actually began to work my way out but she maneuvered me into the Sankaku-Jime (Shoutout to tracyt) with me flat on my back. I wasn't panicking but I knew that I needed to get out right away. So, I began to bridge up, trying to buck her off me, but to no avail. I decided to go the power route. I bridged up as high as I could and slam down as hard as I could. I heard her tailbone hit the wooded mat and the pressure reduce. It gave me enough time to get out and go back to standing. I saw getting up a bit slow since pain inflicted on the tailbone hurts like hell. I went over thinking it was time to be the hunter and you know what?

Dennings was playing possum! Only I play possum!* Yeah, she was playing possum and kicked my left leg out from underneath me and I went down in a heap. I lifted my head up for one moments and felt two fists clobber me in the back of my head. Knocked for a temporary loop, I didn't notice her standing over me and stomping my back a few times to get me flat. Dennings sat on the middle of my back, hooked my arms and started pulling back. This was new and since I presume there were to be no rope break, so all I'd have to do is eat the move and hope she gets bored. Well, she did a bit bored in-between my grunts and trying to escape and modified an already modified move. She would then release my arms giving me temporary hope, to only put her hands around my wrists, wrench me up and wrench my arms up. Yeah, this was getting ugly really fast and I needed to fight back fast.

"Yeah, you're way more pathetic than I thought."

She released the hold and then laid on my back. The fell of those breasts on my back were a warm feeling, indeed. I felt her hand grab my hair and her arm slid around my throat. I managed to sneak my hand in there to lessen the grip and the pressure and I also managed to pin her arm down with my hand. From there, I began to slide but Dennings pushed me onto my side and locked in body scissors. Well, so much for that comeback, but I was able to turn my body around, which sounds pretty good until I WAS STILL IN THE SAME DAMN HOLD! Now, I got to face my taunter and her smile and she squeezed with all her might. So, I went back to the stomach. I just give it a tiny slap and she got annoyed, so that's when I developed a gameplan. I give the stomach a tiny bit harder of a slap and then another one, and eventually two open handed slaps and just enough slaps to stomach until I was leaving read marks. I heard her groaning a bit and then I my hand into a fist and WHAM! Two solid right straights into the belly button and I felt immediate relief as the her legs wilted away from me. I was just crying to catch my breath but I saw her in a ball, holding her stomach.

I came over and helped her up and drove a solid shot right into the navel, and the OOFs and winds being let out were music to my ears. I maneuvered Dennings into the corner and saw some redness developing and advice piece number two was working. So, I placed my hands on the middle rope, reared back and drove my should into the stomach a few times. Then I did something stupid, like super super super stupid.

SUPER STUPID

I got up, backed off her, charged at her with intent of ramming the shoulder in as hard as I could....and then she promptly moved. Seriously, I watched enough Road Warriors matches to know that Hawk never hit the move. And...and I charged with the intent using my already previously messed up arm. Massive massive gap in logic, my boss would facepalm so damn hard if she saw this. So yeah, I was tending to my already bad arm when I saw Dennings stand over me.

"You know who taught me this move?"

"Uh.....Francis Galton?"

"Natty"

Aw son of a bitch, the Kimura/NatMura/TorMura/KatMura/NextPersonIFaceMura

She had it locked in tight and for the first time ever, I thought about screaming. Actually, I did scream pretty loud. I was moving, but she had it locked in. All I could do is move around and prey I could pull something out. Maybe trying and get us tangled up in the ropes. She would really crank the hold up when she wanted to hear me scream which she was doing a lot. She had me in the middle of the ring and led me to one of the corners, moved to a hammerlock and drove my shoulder into the post. This is quickly reaching Vandervoort territory in my mind. Dennings grabbed my arm, flattened it out and stomped on it. I tried to retract my arm but she held my arm down and WHAM! Drove her knee into it and then again. The thought of tapping our was prominent, but I saw Dennings getting on my level.

"You probably thought...'Oh that Dennings is a creampuff, she be an easy one!', well you were wrong. Instead, my job was to get that arm nice and bad, Natty told us all about it. Shit, I don't have any training, imagine what the other two are going to do that thing."

At this point, I was pretty much dragged to the middle of ropes and my arms wrapped around the ropes. That...is surprisingly painful especially with how tight the ropes are. Totally defenseless here.

"I really really do hope that you savored those punches you threw, I really really do."

Yeah, I should have seen this coming, just abuse the stomach and end it. But, just end with the smother to end all smother. Put me out of my misery with some mild happiness. Instead, Dennings went to the apron and I noticed my bad arm straight in the air. Dennings wrapped her arms around the bad arm and begin to crank back on it, a modified armbar with rope assistance. Unfortunately, blacking out from the pain wasn't an option but I could feel the darkness coming when I saw her standing in-front of me.

"These *Points at her chest* are going to put you to sleep.*
My reaction:


This might be worth it as she sauntered over towards me, almost teasing me. She finally rested those beauties on my head and placed her hands behind my head to push my head in. It was glorious, hell I could fall asleep and drool on these things. For once, I was eagerly embracing the darkness at least I was going out properly.

Until she took it away, saying that I couldn't go out with happiness. Funny, I was slowly loosening my good arm during the move and her decision to be a tease was enough fuel the comeback. As she stood over me pondering what to do, she finally noticed the free arm with an "Oh fuck" look on her face. I unleashed a hellacious punch towards her stomach, throwing everything I had left in me with that punch. If it missed, I was fucked. If it connected, it put me back into this then. Hell, I might even win.

It connected, high and tight. Put her on her knees, gave me enough time to get my bad arm loose.

"I always knew that you girls were into that kinky tie-up shit. I presume daddy issues are a must if you want to make it here."

"At least I'm not a freak who gets off on being beat up by woman."

"Oh no, I'm no freak. I just get paid well."

I tied her in the ropes kneeling still and slid outside of the ring. I thought about leaving, hell the money was in the bank at this point. Yet, having that smother taken away from me, I decided I need to finish this. So I got on the apron and stood behind her.

"Telling Alexander, tell Scarlet and hell tell Portman herself that I am not a person to be messed with."

I placed my arm around her throat and locked in a sleeper. I could hear her feet kicking the mat, the spasms of the body and I just prayed my arm didn't give out. I kinda felt bad, she probably didn't know what she was walking into and now she's feeling the oxygen dying, the desperation that I've felt. Clawing at the arm and then finally....the darkness. The kicking was gone, the body has gone limp.

Well, I won one finally and yeah I'm pretty sure Portman is turning the hounds loose as we speak. Right now, I'm on a temporary high following this match and I'll take it.
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Old 16-May-14, 08:39
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Default Re: Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

Congratulations on stealing the victory with this one. Kat Dennings is sexy as hell and I would have been punching the air too if she threatened to smother me out. Looking forward to reading the matches with Alexander and Johanssen as every one of your stories is brilliantly written.

Thanks again for writing and sharing these with us, mate.
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Old 19-May-14, 15:11
gameking
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Default Re: Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

"So, who's next in this wonderful best of three series from hell?"

"Alexander."

*Charlie Brown Ugh*

I'll be honest, I'd rather face Scarlett at this point in time, she's built like Dennings (Short, chesty) so I could adapt. But...Alexander is leggy which is never and I never good.

"I presume I can't get you to take this one for me, can I?

"Nope, you were specifically named for these."

"Pretty please?"

"Still no."

"Cherry on top?"

"It's enticing but you're up to bat for these matches not you. The good thing is that I managed to negotiate a week off before the Alexander bout....because they sent a strange set of rules."

"Oh that's just great, what did Portman stumble onto Ultimate Surrender?"

"Best two out of three falls."

I'm now envisioning this like an old TV wrestling match.....World title on the line, television time limit, show going to credits right before the climatic finish. Jim Ross screaming to tell us to catch next weeks show, you know the usual stuff. Play the Bass 10 playing as we fade to black.

"Strip rules."

Well shit, Bill Watts never booked that type of stuff, but now I'm envisioning Bill Watts booking Double Trouble.

"Well, at least I might get to see some skin."

"Nope, socks, then shorts and then shirts."

"Man, you're no fun."

"Can I give you some advice?"

"Shoot, right now I'm trying to figure out how I ended in a strip 2-out-of-3 falls what I presume to be a no holds barred fight going by my last few bouts."

"Bomb the first fall, it's completely useless to lose a pair of socks."

Damn, she was right that I should conserve energy, I mean losing a pair of socks is nothing.

"Man, this is one screwed up industry we find ourselves in."

"Yep."

Down the rabbit hole I guess.
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Old 02-Jun-14, 19:33
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Default Re: Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

Why didn't I want to fight Alexander you might ask? Well...for one she's leggy. Leggy means long legs which means that every time this goes to the ground: Scissors. Or god forbid and knowing what Dennings talked about an armbar would mean that my arms might be out of distance from manipulation of the ankles. Plus, she was an amateur wrestler and not like it was in some state..it was TEXAS! And she was good, too. My amateur wrestling days ended when I realized that hitting somebody with a stool was a DQ...and possible arrest. Plus, this stipulation that was conceived which was two out of three falls under stripe rules. I'm starting to believe what I said when I talked about Vince Russo being an omnipotent being screwing with my life. At least we were doing this in a hotel and not a ring/dingy gym room that ever SheFights wouldn't shoot in. FREE HOTEL ROOM!

So, I decided to go for some mind games and bought a special Wonder Woman shirt just for this match. A lot of people wanted her for the role and I thought a little mind games might work. It didn't. As I stood in-front of her, wearing my shirt proud. It did not work, she even had a good chuckle. You know how much that shirt cost? A shit ton.

CUE THE NON-EXISTENT BELL RINGING! Or fall one.

Ah well, the match start and I found myself on the ground almost right when she got me in a waist-lock and dropped all her weight to the floor. I got myself back to the feet and she then promptly dropped her weight again. I then found myself flattened out and placed in a half nelson, which is her best move. Since I found out about it and watched a thirty second Youtube video and actually escaped the hold. I tried to go for a front face lock but she got her head out almost right away. I was then promptly taken down again by a low ankle take down. I actually locked in a quick scissors but she quickly broke out of the move by grabbing the back of my neck and cranking up on it. That move hurts like hell by the way and a way to break a scissor fast. Still controlling my head by the way, she snared me into a front face lock on my knees. Just as I got to my knees, bam she switched out to the goddamn hammerlock.

Yeah, I seriously need to learn some form of defense for that.

I tried to maneuver myself towards the couch and got one foot on it. I rocked back and forth thinking that I could quickly use momentum and force my way out. How? I don't know how but it didn't work, as after the rocking, I found myself off balance and back on my stomach. Alexander, keeping hold on the arm transitioned to where her knees were facing me and I saw way too many Pride matches to feel good about this. She let go only to place those legs around my in a scissors, figure four to be exact. Being flattened out didn't help and neither did her pushing her upward ankle back to add pressure. I seriously thought of bombing the first fall right there, but it was too quick and I wasn't doing bad in my mind. I was actually working towards gaining a base and was beginning to push up and went tumbling over.

Great you might say, but she had the figure four head scissors still locked in by the way. Once again, I was finding my way out but she was smart and let go. As she was getting to her feet, I actually managed to snare a quick take down, grabbed her leg and got back to my feet. I dropped down for some type of leg lock and did I tell you that I have zero submission wrestling training at all? She promptly rolled out and I found myself on my stomach. She was on top of me and I thought she was going for a choke, her arms were closing in around my throat. So I tried to buck off her and it was a bait and switch. No choke, but a body lock was latched in around the stomach and I was flattened back out. To make matters indefinitely worse, she threw in a little camel clutch action and I knew that it was time to to tap. I had effectively bombed the first fall with that tap. I surrendered my cheap pair of socks, which she promptly rolled into a ball and threw at me.

Fall One: Alexander

"Did you bomb the fall?"

"I may or may not have."

"Damn, that was my plan."

"Great minds think a like I guess."

My plan was simple, circle around and try to get her to do something stupid. That's what the plan was in my mind, however my* guts took over and charged right in. What she did was simple, just duck under and take me right down to the ground. Yeah, not great at all, but I was against the couch so I had a way to get back up. I actually worked my way to a sitting position on the couch and managed to escape. I was standing on the couch like I was on gool when she actually got onto the couch. Wow, I'm fighting on a couch and of course I was put on my back when I charged into a take down. This actually worked because I simply slid off the couch, but she got a hold of my arm and head. So yeah, I was hanging off my couch by my bad arm and head which was now in armbar/head Oh yeah, and that whole leggy thing came into play here. I began trying to undo the ankles and couldn't reach so I began to try get my hand between the thighs and I hope of escape until she got a hold of that hand and I was routinely fucked. In the good news section which wasn't much at this point, I wasn't hanging off by the arm but facing the person inflicting said pain but still on my knees.

"So, how are you doing?"

"In pain, lots and lots of pain."

"Aww, too bad."

Well, I had some bad news for her, as I was actually mounting some type of move! I was actually able to get my arms free which doesn't seem like much, but progress people. In a fight in which I've been taken down repeatedly, I'll take getting a limb or two out. You know what? I actually got out and she might have been shocked. Once again, guts ruled over brains and I dove at her...to only eat a whole bunch of couch. She then simply grabbed me in a choke and fell backwards which can induce vomiting if done properly. It wasn't a tight choke but just enough to make me uncomfortable at this point. Hell, the thought of this match had made me uncomfortable in the first place. so this was no different. Luckily enough, she hadn't trapped my legs so I was to swing them to turn over to all fours. I was then able to slip off and get my hands around her waist!

HOLY SHIT, AN ACTUAL DOMINANT POSITION!

I knew it couldn't last so I quickly thought of a movie and I decided to work over the legs a bit. I managed to flatten her out and grab a hold of her calf and twine mine together for a Calf Killer. The move hurts since your bending their calf over your and I modified it a bit by pushing her ankle back a bit, adding to the pressure. I honestly thought I had something here until she got her around my goozle and started choking me. Since both of my hands are used to keep hold of the calve, I had to let go of the hold, but Alexander didn't in fact she used to maneuver to mount with the choke still on. Holy shit, I might actually die considering that I was being strangled. I was finally able to get her hands and what did ya know, she had a grapevine in. Did you notice that these girls have the same type of moves? Pretty lazy if you ask me.

The move hurt but she made one mistake and I already had my counter in, a bearhug. With do thanks to the Sleeperkid for that one and I had my hands gripped together. This was more of a war of attrition than the fast paced sprint that I expected it to be. Oh well, the hug did what it meant to do and her legs slipped out from behind mine and I rolled her over to her back. When I stupidly went to get my arms out, she got her legs up and tried to snare an armbar in, but I had my hands together so I was safe. There I was, on my knees trying to keep my hands together and I got my arms out and around one of her legs. I flipped her over and latched in a single leg crab, pushing back as hard as I could trying to get a tap. I thought I had it in tight, but there she was almost getting out of the hold. Finally, she knocked me off balance and I fell to the floor but I still had a hold of one leg and got a hold of another while on my back. I slowly rose up and tried to flip her back over, but she knew what was coming and blocked it. I tried again, but she did the same thing and so on. Finally after faking her out I finally got her over for a Boston Crab but with my knee on her neck. I put all my energy into hold, just trying to get a tap out from her. Finally, I felt her hand tap against my calve and let go. I was exhausted, I gassed myself out putting so much effort into the hold that I knew that I'd have to finish fast or be finished. She took off her pants (Pink briefs) and while hot, I was more focused on trying to gain composure on my knees.

Winner of fall two: Me

"So, you tired yourself out a bit with that last hold little boy?"

"A bit, can I sell the pants on eBay? I have student loans to pay off."

I didn't get an answer as she came right me and grabbed me into a bear hug, which I did not see coming honestly. With the both us on our knees it was tough to escape, tougher considering she had my arms trapped too. She was squeezing quite hard, I heard my back crack and not in a good way. If you notice, I try not to scream since it shows that your opponent that they're dominating, something that I do not want to show. It's the old Walter Payton theory, don't show them that they hurt you. I wasn't close to passing out, but breathing was becoming difficult. She finally just let me go, and I knew what was coming next. Time for a whooping. She rose almost looking down on me and I rose like an idiot walking into slaughter. I actually charged at her throwing a wild punch almost but she duck under, picked me up like it was nothing and dropped me right across her knee. She didn't even do the traditional hold, I was just draped across her knee and was pushed me off slowly. Everybody knows about the back, hell everybody knows about the arm (Thanks Steph!) and this was bad.

Back to my feet and she came right at me and I actually back away and found myself against a wall. She pounced at me and I moved and got a waistlock in. Just like that she broke it like it was nothing and I felt the slow sound of my spirit breaking. She got in one of her own, lifted me up in the air and slammed me to the floor. She then maneuvered her head underneath my arm and locked in some weird crossface that hurt much worse than I thought. Some Gargano guy does the move, but it frigging hurts. I wasn't tapping or screaming so I guess that it wasn't enough for her so she let go of the hold.

"I'm gonna try something new, you mind?"

No response on my end unless you count groaning.

"I take that a yes."

She laid across my shoulders with one arm locked in a figure four and hooked my bad arm. This was new, a weird Ashi-Gatame almost. It got worse as she wrenched back as hard as she could repeatedly and yes, I did finally scream a bit. Not tapping, couldn't tap so I'd have to verbally tap out. It got worse, could you actually believe that? She placed her free arm around my throat and clasped it with the other arm and began to choke the absolute life out of me. With not escape, I verbally tapped. Being the classy lady she was, she actually let go almost right away as I laid on the floor huffing and puffing. I surrendered my Wonder Woman shirt and she took her pants back and helped me up. Hell, she even took a picture with me, her thumbs up and me with my head down. I actually wanted a rematch.

Yeah, I'm kind of stupid in that way.

I was tied 1-1 and going into the final match and I suspected that more shenanigans were in the works. It was Scarlett Johansson for god sakes, I'll be stuck in some type of weird ass K-1 match or something.

After what would happen in the next match, I would HOPE for shenanigans compared to what I'd go through.
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Old 02-Jun-14, 20:30
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Default Re: Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

Still loving this series, mate. Can't wait for Johansson to go all Black Widow on you.
  #10  
Old 02-Jun-14, 20:43
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Default Re: Confessions of a Hollywood Jobber: The Thread!

Hey, the guy might have a chance...if he bribes Jon Jones to take his place.
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