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  #11  
Old 23-Oct-20, 01:01
pinme pinme is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

No.

I have to be in control in my real life - managing a major enterprise, etc. I find it therapeutic and liberating to be under the control of a strong sexy woman now and then.
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  #12  
Old 23-Oct-20, 18:11
Ilikefeet Ilikefeet is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

Sounds like projection, fam
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  #13  
Old 23-Oct-20, 20:31
rex7887 rex7887 is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

I've often wondered where my interest in mixed wrestling came from. Your theory could be fairly close to the mark thinking back to my younger years. I agree with your sentiment about attention-seeking behaviour with women even if it's negative and it's relation to putting women on a pedestal. In my younger years, I was willing to tolerate inequality for attention from women.

It's all a bit fuzzy for me now but thinking back:

First, I was a late bloomer. Through most of my school years, girls were often taller than me, many were likely stronger too. I certainly feared a physical confrontation with at least some of them and being outed as weaker in front of other people. That fear was instilled by social conditioning I think many boys receive: I was brought up with the mentality that boys are supposed to be stronger than girls. I likely eroticized this fear of being beaten in a physical contest by a girl and the humiliation that would come with it.

Second, I was a bit socially awkward back then too. It's not hard to understand why I didn't have much success with the opposite sex, despite my interest. Opportunities were few and far between. This affects confidence which can lead to putting people on pedestals or the whole inferior/superior dynamic you described.

Third, even before all that, before I even had any interest in the opposite sex, I had a propensity for putting myself in vulnerable positions. For example, having people pin me down under their weight, put me in compromising positions, etc. I tend to view that early behaviour of mine as me expressing submissive tendencies. This was all before I had any inkling of what sexuality was. It's not hard to see how those early inclinations extend to a desire to be physically dominated later on, something wrestling provides in spades.

If you put all of that together, it sort of makes sense why I have a kink for mixed wrestling. The seed for that interest was planted long ago. Even though I'm a much different person now than I was back then, my interests grew out of those early experiences.
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  #14  
Old 23-Oct-20, 23:13
Zeus28 Zeus28 is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

I don't doubt that what you say is true for you, but you can't generalise it to everyone who shares this fetish. What you describe does not resonate with me in any way. That doesn't make one of us right and the other wrong as to our personal tastes; it simply means that while we both share the femdom fetish, it means totally different things for us.
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  #15  
Old 24-Oct-20, 10:11
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KillerCrushes KillerCrushes is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark.johnson21 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
This is gonna sound really weird, but I think our interest in being dominated by women is really just a desire to get rejected. Bear with me, but here's why I think so:

We tend to want to put beautiful women on a pedestal so we can look up to them as goddesses. Of course, most beautiful women want nothing to do with the majority of us because we're not in their league. But as inferior beings, we can't help but crave their attention because we strongly want to be graced by their presence and beauty.

So if a "goddess" acknowledges your existence -- even if it's to dominate, humiliate and abuse you -- then she is giving you her attention, presence, and beauty, which satisfies your craving to have it. In other words, negative attention is preferable to not getting any attention at all. You are at least more special than all the other men she has ignored because you are now providing a satisfying use for her. You feel special knowing she wants you for something, regardless of how degrading it might be.

But here's the kicker...

Your whole attraction to her is based on the belief that she is superior to you, which means if she were to treat and regard you as an equal, she would fall from her pedestal and become a lowly human just like you. Your whole attraction was based on looking up at her, but you can't do that if she's at your level. So the only way she remains a "goddess" is if she rejects you as being on her level by emasculating, dominating, abusing, and humiliating you. Your kink is that she is reminding you that you are still just a lowly human, and not a superior god like her.

In short, we crave attention of any kind (even if it's degrading) from women we consider superior, and we want those women to dominate and thereby reject us as equals so that they will remain superior to us.

...

Thoughts?
Do you believe that this mindset factors into your commitment to being cheap when it comes to session women? That by operating in that frame of mind, it normally will guarantee that a woman will reject you?
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  #16  
Old 24-Oct-20, 10:49
garcon55 garcon55 is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark.johnson21 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
This is gonna sound really weird, but I think our interest in being dominated by women is really just a desire to get rejected. Bear with me, but here's why I think so:

We tend to want to put beautiful women on a pedestal so we can look up to them as goddesses. Of course, most beautiful women want nothing to do with the majority of us because we're not in their league. But as inferior beings, we can't help but crave their attention because we strongly want to be graced by their presence and beauty.

So if a "goddess" acknowledges your existence -- even if it's to dominate, humiliate and abuse you -- then she is giving you her attention, presence, and beauty, which satisfies your craving to have it. In other words, negative attention is preferable to not getting any attention at all. You are at least more special than all the other men she has ignored because you are now providing a satisfying use for her. You feel special knowing she wants you for something, regardless of how degrading it might be.

But here's the kicker...

Your whole attraction to her is based on the belief that she is superior to you, which means if she were to treat and regard you as an equal, she would fall from her pedestal and become a lowly human just like you. Your whole attraction was based on looking up at her, but you can't do that if she's at your level. So the only way she remains a "goddess" is if she rejects you as being on her level by emasculating, dominating, abusing, and humiliating you. Your kink is that she is reminding you that you are still just a lowly human, and not a superior god like her.

In short, we crave attention of any kind (even if it's degrading) from women we consider superior, and we want those women to dominate and thereby reject us as equals so that they will remain superior to us.

...

Thoughts?
I agree for most of that.
There is also another category of males like Amazonia or some others who failed to be real men, or to build enough masculinity in order to compete with the other men, also in the competition to attract the beautiful women.

These men are highly frustrated and get some relief at observing that some women can overpower some men.
From this observation they build a mental scheme of generalization from extreme cases they observe, like a 7 times female boxing champion defeating an untrained average 40 y.o. guy, to the whole population, discarding all the other overwhelming evidences that differences between the genders are huge.
The extreme case is Amazonia who basically thinks that there is no difference, and therefore no such thing as masculinity.

This way he postulates that the whole male gender is humiliated, not only him. All these masculine guys who bullied him, and who had all the attractive girls... he has his revenge.
And yes he got rejected, which provoked a great deal of frustration.

He also pretends to ignore that the strong women he adores, actually go for the masculine strong men and ignore him.
The same masculine men who bullied him in his early years.

Last edited by garcon55; 24-Oct-20 at 12:03.
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  #17  
Old 24-Oct-20, 13:33
mark.johnson21 mark.johnson21 is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

Quote:
Originally Posted by garcon55 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
I agree for most of that.
There is also another category of males like Amazonia or some others who failed to be real men, or to build enough masculinity in order to compete with the other men, also in the competition to attract the beautiful women.

These men are highly frustrated and get some relief at observing that some women can overpower some men.
From this observation they build a mental scheme of generalization from extreme cases they observe, like a 7 times female boxing champion defeating an untrained average 40 y.o. guy, to the whole population, discarding all the other overwhelming evidences that differences between the genders are huge.
The extreme case is Amazonia who basically thinks that there is no difference, and therefore no such thing as masculinity.

All these masculine guys who bullied him, and who had all the attractive girls... he has his revenge.
And yes he got rejected, which provoked a great deal of frustration.

He also pretends to ignore that the strong women he adores, actually go for the masculine strong men and ignore him.
The same masculine men who bullied him in his early years.
It's amazing how some of you react to this with such hostility and skip over the main point I was making, going so far as to create a fictional story of my past. "Pretends to ignore... all these guys who bullied him... he has his revenge... the same masculine men who bullied him in his early years..."

I mean, maybe you were constantly bullied by guys growing up, but I wasn't. I was actually very quick to get into fist fights whenever someone tried that, so I was pretty much left alone since I wasn't an easy target. I did have trouble getting dates and that definitely provoked a great deal of frustration -- that's true. But I already had a desire to hold strong women in high regard before I ever asked anybody out and before any frustration of that set in.

Wanting to admire someone and put them on a pedestal - male or female - is a very normal thing to do. Hence why we regard celebrities, award winners, decorated veterans, leaders, etc... as valuable. I'm saying the desire to continue to have that same admiration is what's at the root of all this. The joy of looking up to them is gone if you're now up there on their level.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KillerCrushes [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Do you believe that this mindset factors into your commitment to being cheap when it comes to session women? That by operating in that frame of mind, it normally will guarantee that a woman will reject you?
Do you believe that you're being childish and rude by trolling me across different threads and making offensive accusations when I did no such thing towards you whatsoever? Is there a particular reason you are going out of your way to attack me?

If you had actually bothered to read the other thread, you'd know that I have paid $400+ for a session multiple times. So cheap? No. Dissatisfied? Yes.
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  #18  
Old 25-Oct-20, 02:01
NotBob NotBob is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

I agree that it's different for everyone. For me, if a woman dominates me out of pure meanness, it's a turn-off. I need to satisfy her, whether I'm forced to physically do whatever she wants me to do to her, or if she masturbates to what she's forcing me to do in front of her. I like the idea of two (or more) women demanding I somehow perform a humiliating act while they watch and get each other off. I like being a bi cuckold. All that said, it's no good unless I get off too. For me, that's the purpose for all of it so I guess, despite the turn-on being about humiliating myself for women, it's really about me.
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  #19  
Old 25-Oct-20, 07:18
time44 time44 is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

No, if a woman expresses those negative feeling towards me I wouldn't want to be dominated anymore
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  #20  
Old 25-Oct-20, 07:46
Ryan Futuristics Ryan Futuristics is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark.johnson21 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
This is gonna sound really weird, but I think our interest in being dominated by women is really just a desire to get rejected. Bear with me, but here's why I think so:

We tend to want to put beautiful women on a pedestal so we can look up to them as goddesses. Of course, most beautiful women want nothing to do with the majority of us because we're not in their league. But as inferior beings, we can't help but crave their attention because we strongly want to be graced by their presence and beauty.

So if a "goddess" acknowledges your existence -- even if it's to dominate, humiliate and abuse you -- then she is giving you her attention, presence, and beauty, which satisfies your craving to have it. In other words, negative attention is preferable to not getting any attention at all. You are at least more special than all the other men she has ignored because you are now providing a satisfying use for her. You feel special knowing she wants you for something, regardless of how degrading it might be.

But here's the kicker...

Your whole attraction to her is based on the belief that she is superior to you, which means if she were to treat and regard you as an equal, she would fall from her pedestal and become a lowly human just like you. Your whole attraction was based on looking up at her, but you can't do that if she's at your level. So the only way she remains a "goddess" is if she rejects you as being on her level by emasculating, dominating, abusing, and humiliating you. Your kink is that she is reminding you that you are still just a lowly human, and not a superior god like her.

In short, we crave attention of any kind (even if it's degrading) from women we consider superior, and we want those women to dominate and thereby reject us as equals so that they will remain superior to us.

...

Thoughts?
That's a great post – I love that people are exploring these ideas here, because academia's done virtually nothing on this.

I think the goddess fantasy is right .. I would guess we all had an early experience of unrequited love(?), and find that when a girl pursues us, or relationships go smoothly, the feelings are far less intense – less interesting – less likely to feel like love..?

Andy Warhol said “Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet.”

I can give an example .. At my gym is an unbelievably strong mixed race girl – mixed African/white, but looks Latina, straightened hair .. Tall, attractive, big quads and glutes, biceps – puts men to shame on squats and DLs.

Very unapproachable – she looked mean .. And it was very easy to put her on a pedestal .. She'd come in looking focused, and do 2 hours of solid lifting, every day, headphones on, intimidating.

I was talking with a guy about her outside .. So she comes out, and I spark up a conversation.

And she instantly goes from mean alpha-femme, to soft and girly, and we flirt for 15 minutes .. (It's quite a power-move being able to engage a strong alpha female .. they're not used to it .. I used to crap my pants just being near them.)

What happens? She suddenly looks a lot more average .. There's an open path to dating, sex, maybe a relationship, and now I'm the alpha, because I engaged her, and she made herself open .. I get the attention, but a real goddess wouldn't flirt back with a mere human .. Now she'd probably feel embarrassed out-lifting me at the squat racks; I want a girl who wants to kick men's teeth in.

I think it could be an association between love and pain .. Being rejected, humiliated, hurt feels much more real and intense than typical dating and awkward sex – esp. if that was your early experience .. I can tell you, being in a 7-ish year relationship with an amazonian girl who was very into me was boring .. She had guys like me circling her, putting her on a pedestal, but fantasy and reality are like oil and water.
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