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Old 01-Jun-20, 13:47
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RyonaGuy RyonaGuy is offline
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Default Brutal Over The Top Finishers!!

Hey guys decided to share this little story I came up with earlier!

Who knows might do a series of these short fights with over the top fatalities if there's any interest!







Natalia (Dirty fighter)




Age: 19

Height: 5'2

Weight: 115lbs



VS



David (Boxer)




Age: 32

Height: 6'1"

Weight: 210lbs








Natalia and David glared at each other as they stood in the sandy, circular makeshift arena on the beach, both knowing only one could leave alive, they circled each other each looking for a weakness in the others defense, "Hmmm, I'm gonna enjoy this, I fucking hate little chav wannabes like you!" Exclaimed David in a smooth mocking manner"


"Blow it out your ass nigger!" Hissed Natalia in her cute Belfast accent as she stepped forward with a high kick, David blocked it and stepped forward with a swinging right hand that sent his foe staggering as it hits her clean on the temple. David rushes in and grabs her in a bearhug hoping to end it here and now but before he can crush her she knees him sharply in the balls as he grunts in pain and she wiggles free.

Natalia presses her attack by raking her sharp nails across David's face leaving burning red marks as she does so. David growls and throws out a double jab that catches the girls nose as it trickles blood, he follows up with a vicious straight right that shatters her nose as she crumples to the floor howling in shock and pain.

David stomps hard on her back and twists his boot on Natalie's spine as she sobs, "Let's finish this honey, it's been fun though" chuckles David.

"OK, let's end it!!" Hisses Natalia as she grabs a handful of sand and tosses it into David's face blinding him and burning his eyes! Natalia scrambles to her feet and jumps on David's shoulders wrapping her thighs around his neck, as he staggers around helplessly, she slashes his face with her sharp nails repeatedly cutting him with nasty looking red streaks, he falls to the floor sitting on his ass as Natalia rolls a few feet away, on her back lifts her legs akimbo and points her ass right at David's face, he is regaining enough of his vision to see his foes ass and her holding a lit cigarette lighter a few inches in front


FINISH HIM!!!!


"Wait honey! No dont!" Yells David in a panic as he realises what is happening. "Flame on bitch! Tee hee" giggles the chavette, she breaks wind in true white trash fashion as David's face is engulfed in a stream of searing flames as her noxious fumes catch ablaze. David screams in sheer agony as his flesh melts horrifically until the unfortunate boxers face is burnt to a crisp, the flames stop, leaving David's head looking like a lump of petrified charcoal, Natalie gets up and walks to her defeated enemy, she smiles satisfied then kicks her bare foot hard into the charred head of David as it expodes in a cloud of soot and ash. His headless corpse slumps to the ground. Natalia puts her foot on it and flexes her arms in victory



Natalia wins!!!!

FATALITY!
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  #2  
Old 01-Jun-20, 14:43
ricardodamanik ricardodamanik is offline
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Default Re: Brutal Over The Top Finishers!!

MORE Pleaseeee!
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  #3  
Old 01-Jun-20, 16:41
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RyonaGuy RyonaGuy is offline
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Default Re: Brutal Over The Top Finishers!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ricardodamanik [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
MORE Pleaseeee!


Glad you liked it man! May have another one coming up shortly if inspiration strikes!
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Old 03-Jun-20, 02:43
Mongoose750 Mongoose750 is offline
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Default Re: Brutal Over The Top Finishers!!

Must we have the ethnic slurs?
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Old 03-Jun-20, 08:47
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RyonaGuy RyonaGuy is offline
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Default Re: Brutal Over The Top Finishers!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mongoose750 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Must we have the ethnic slurs?
Hey Mongoose

I enjoy including a limited amount of trash talk in my works of fiction, and although I despise the traditional "good vs evil" fights I felt that using the slurs was justified as a means to vilify Natalia to the audience and expose her for the unpleasant/ignorant human that she is and represents!


I appreciate the feedback nonetheless though and hope you enjoyed the story for what it was!
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Old 03-Jun-20, 15:08
edge20902 edge20902 is offline
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Default Re: Brutal Over The Top Finishers!!

Hey RyonaGuy,

Thank you for this story - I always appreciate all of the writers who take the time to contribute.

As an African American male and member of this community, I want to take a moment to address your usage of the n-word in this story. I understand from the post above why you might want to use it, but as a black reader, it's hurtful and insensitive to see this particularly during a time when our communities are reacting to the death of George Floyd and disproportionate deaths and unemployment to due COVID-19. This is compounded by idea that within the content of the story David is killed.

I've always found this site and this community to be very cool, welcoming, and within the larger, overall context of the site, only 10 or so stories utilize the n-word - I don't think you need it to write a good story.

To close, I recognize that you're definitely free to write whatever comes to mind and appreciate you taking the time to read this comment.

Thank you.
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Old 03-Jun-20, 17:40
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RyonaGuy RyonaGuy is offline
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Default Re: Brutal Over The Top Finishers!!

@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]


Hey, first off thanks for your well thought out and well written response, I would like to apologise for upsetting you, I can assure you that causing offense/controversy was absolutely not my intention when creating this story. I tried to edit the story upon seeing your post to a more generic insult but too much time has passed since I first posted the story for me to do this.


I often have my characters say/do things that are not in line with my own personality as I like to give each of my characters their own unique personality however upon considering what you have said in your post, none of my characters will resort to racial slurs when insulting each other in any of my future works of fiction.




Regarding David dying, most people who follow my threads on this forum are aware someone dies in the vast majority of my stories, sometimes the guy wins, sometimes the girl wins, regardless of colour/race. I understand death matches are not particularly appealing to the majority of this forum and I urge forum users who aren't interested in deadly endings to avoid any of my threads whose title suggests it will include death.



Thanks for your response and letting me know your thoughts on this!
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Old 04-Jun-20, 15:59
edge20902 edge20902 is offline
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Default Re: Brutal Over The Top Finishers!!

@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

Thank you again for taking the time to listen and thoughtfully consider my feedback. Everything you wrote makes sense and I appreciate your openness to hearing me out.

Looking forward to some more great stories!
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