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  #11  
Old 22-Sep-22, 14:33
jacklio jacklio is offline
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

wearing a cup help and try focusing on learning the moves
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  #12  
Old 23-Sep-22, 14:23
angscud angscud is offline
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

I had the exact same worry. I don't know why, but mine DID turn off when I took a class and ended up sparring with a cute girl.

I think partly because it was clearly non-sexual for her? She just looked focused, didnt seem attracted to me, so it felt kind of clinical or something.

Or (for better or worse) as a trauma survivor, i've gotten good at dissociating. I do remember kinda blanking out my mind and JUST thinking of technique as if my life depended on me not getting hard.

So, all that said, if she was putting out vibes and like gave a flirty smile when she wrapped her legs around me, I'm not sure what would have happened. I'd like to think I would have held it together.

Oh! And to answer the question YES I constantly feel frustrated having this fetish. On the plus side, from what I've read, normal people having normal sex don't get the same level of excitement and arousal that us oddballs do. So, if that's the case, it's kinda worth the frustration.

Last edited by angscud; 23-Sep-22 at 14:34.
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  #13  
Old 24-Sep-22, 23:36
Aygrol1 Aygrol1 is offline
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

I've actually gone to my first two BJJ classes recently after this post. It was fun! the instructor is a really cool Brazilian guy, and there was like maybe 7 other guys in the class. We went over warmups (running around, shrimping, stretching) then drilled techniques. Obviously, doing drills with other guys is in no way arousing lol.

Haven't actually rolled with anyone yet. I figure I'll just try to defend my neck and limbs as much as I know how, but I'll undoubtedly be defeated a thousand times. The real image that kinda stresses me is a girl, no GI, triangle. I'm might just tap immediately to avoid any embarrassment lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan Futuristics [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
I think there are two ways to look at it – if you abstain from the fetish (/masturbation), regular sex drive does go up to compensate .. In fact, a fetish is really the same thing in reverse: it's regular sex drive being transferred into a nonsexual behaviour – and it's usually just a pattern ppl get into at a young age, and don't know any different.

Or you're with the wrong partner .. I've been there .. There are plenty of girls out there who want to roll/wrestle (and BJJ clubs are the best place to find them).

Added after 12 minutes:



Yeah – it's an issue .. I think it's mostly anticipatory – you'll get used to it very quickly .. I've talked to guys in BJJ about rolling with girls, and a lot of them clearly acknowledge the sexual angle, being in a triangle from a girl with big quads.

The reality is, gyms are FULL of people with muscle fetishes, and BJJ clubs are full of people with wrestling fetishes .. And BJJ couples roll as part of foreplay .. You're in the right place .. I'd probably want a one-on-one (or a session) just to get over the initial experience of being dominated or tapped by a girl .. The bit my ego fears is getting exhausted, rather than tapped .. The feeling of reaching exhaustion, when someone's on top of you, manipulating your body, is pure helplessness – you have to ask to sit out the next round .. You're completely beaten.

I've been through it with bodybuilding – from panic and cold sweat when a girl turns up who threatens my manhood, to dating these kind of girls
How true is it that BJJ clubs are FULL of people with wrestling fetishes? I understand going to a gym, you appreciate a good figure, but a "wrestling" fetish is quite specific and rare right?
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  #14  
Old 24-Sep-22, 23:54
Ryan Futuristics Ryan Futuristics is offline
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aygrol1 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
How true is it that BJJ clubs are FULL of people with wrestling fetishes? I understand going to a gym, you appreciate a good figure, but a "wrestling" fetish is quite specific and rare right?
The closest I can find on this fetish survey is 60% of men are into facesitting, and 50% of women are into struggling .. I don't think it's uncommon.

I can only speak anecdotally, and 'wrestling fetish' may be way too specific .. But I mention this powerlifter girl I know who I'm trying to get down to our BJJ club, and guys 'get' the whole being triangled by a girl with big quads thing before I even bring it up.

And BJJ couples clearly enjoy rolling and submitting each other (I know two examples) .. I'd say about 50% of guys/girls 'get' the whole power dynamics thing
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  #15  
Old 25-Sep-22, 00:39
musclehead720 musclehead720 is online now
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

My only frustration is not being a billionaire so I can have as many sessions as I want

Last edited by musclehead720; 25-Sep-22 at 00:47.
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  #16  
Old 25-Sep-22, 05:06
Bevvie97
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan Futuristics [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
And BJJ couples clearly enjoy rolling and submitting each other (I know two examples) .. I'd say about 50% of guys/girls 'get' the whole power dynamics thing
I envy those lucky ones, couples.
My case was different, unfortunately. In ten years I didn’t meet anyone who shared my fetish in real life.
Now that’s a frustrating thought that among a hundred judoka I met in the dojo, perhaps there were a few hiding the same fetish, as successfully as I did myself. Missed opportunities...
I never had the courage and didn’t know how to bring up the topic to teammates.
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  #17  
Old 25-Sep-22, 21:38
Ryan Futuristics Ryan Futuristics is offline
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bevvie97 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
I envy those lucky ones, couples.
My case was different, unfortunately. In ten years I didn’t meet anyone who shared my fetish in real life.
Now that’s a frustrating thought that among a hundred judoka I met in the dojo, perhaps there were a few hiding the same fetish, as successfully as I did myself. Missed opportunities...
I never had the courage and didn’t know how to bring up the topic to teammates.
My experience with guys is of those who enjoy grappling as foreplay, probably only a tiny fraction would relate to it as a 'fetish', or ever admit to it being one.

With girls, even lower .. Like there's often a full-on disconnect between what turns a girl on and how they rationalise it .. So I think the goal should just be to date someone with the shared interest, then see how fun you can make it.
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  #18  
Old 26-Sep-22, 00:12
db413 db413 is offline
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aygrol1 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Everyone here I think can agree, being choked hard in a triangle or head scissor or whatever by an attractive female is hot as fuck. Big Suprise.

What I feel very frustrated about is how much more stress enters my mind when I want to go train myself and actually learn a little jiu jitsu. I'm fine with rolling with guys, but at some point, it might just be me and a girl who have to spar.

I do not want to be bring these thoughts with me if I go learn BJJ. I do not want to make it weird when I proclaim I'm uncomfortable with sparring with girls.

Who here trains in bjj AND has this fetish? Were you just as nervous about the idea? Did you get over it completely? Did it remove the fetish for you entirely or make you stop training because you couldn't stop thinking about it?
There are a lot of girls who wouldn’t necessarily see it as a fetish, but as a fun way to be physically intimate with their S/O.
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  #19  
Old 27-Sep-22, 06:40
Aygrol1 Aygrol1 is offline
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by db413 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
There are a lot of girls who wouldn’t necessarily see it as a fetish, but as a fun way to be physically intimate with their S/O.
I never thought about it like that tbh. That's actually kind of relieving because I always seen this kink, from on outside perspective, as uncomfortable to "work with" I guess?

I used to indulge in headscissors with my Ex all the time. So much in fact, that I kind of "expected" it when we had sex. I'd put my head down there and she just start squeezing because she knew it worked, so after a long time after being away from her I thought of this a bad fetish. I just got too Dependent I guess :/
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  #20  
Old 27-Sep-22, 19:37
Ryan Futuristics Ryan Futuristics is offline
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Default Re: Anyone else feel a bit frustrated about having this fetish?

Girls will get off on spanking, restraint, verbal humiliation, etc. then say 'ewww.. you've got a "fetish"'?

My issue with BJJ is ego .. I haven't experienced being completely helpless and subordinated to a girl on an even playing field – I've rarely experienced that at all .. I've witnessed it happen to other people – and I've always thought: you've got to go home, go to sleep at night, knowing your place in the human hierarchy is below a whole demographic of girls.
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