Are you an incel?

[Xemu]

Originally Posted by revanyo [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

I have never had sex and am 29, but also a very social and high achieving person. In my early 20's and late teens I felt bad and even considered hiring an escort to get it over with just to make sure that when.if it happened I could perform.

However, my values on sex developed more, I became popular with friends, and had a life that was not contingent on sex.

What made me really settle into waiting was realizing that as a mid 20's guy having sex is not hard to do. When I was 19 I saw it as this crown jewel of manhood but now see it as just another formality of life

Sex is not the crown jewel of manhood, but I think you are really missing out on a lot of fun by not seeing an escort.

Once you get older, your sex drive and t-levels wane and doesn't come back.

Don't make my mistake, have lots of sex with hot women (escort or other) when you are still young and full of piss and vinegar or you will regret it.

[FormerWrestler]

Originally Posted by revanyo [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

I have never had sex and am 29, but also a very social and high achieving person. In my early 20's and late teens I felt bad and even considered hiring an escort to get it over with just to make sure that when.if it happened I could perform.

However, my values on sex developed more, I became popular with friends, and had a life that was not contingent on sex.

What made me really settle into waiting was realizing that as a mid 20's guy having sex is not hard to do. When I was 19 I saw it as this crown jewel of manhood but now see it as just another formality of life

I think most 19 year old male virgins see sex as the crown jewel of manhood. Maybe a few smart ones don't, but I certainly did. When I finally lost my virginity, it was almost a letdown, having built it up for so many years. It was nice, but not the be-all and end-all of my previous 20 years.

I'm going to reflect the poster above's thoughts. There's nothing wrong with hiring an escort, unless you're broke. But if you happen to meet the right lady, "I'm a virgin" would probably be a selling point. At risk of getting too personal, do you date? Do women want to go out with you?

[ours01]

For my point of view, it's the choice to everyone. If somebody does this with social pressure it's idiotic!

Bud nevertheless, with sex goes still ahead with responsability. Never force sex to somebody, because this will place you on a level of a torturer. Forcing can be psychic or physical!

[FormerWrestler]

Originally Posted by ours01 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

For my point of view, it's the choice to everyone. If somebody does this with social pressure it's idiotic!

Bud nevertheless, with sex goes still ahead with responsability. Never force sex to somebody, because this will place you on a level of a torturer. Forcing can be psychic or physical!

If you read his message, I think he's moved beyond social pressure. It was hard for him when he was younger, less so now.

The reason I asked if he dated, is because I think at 29, most people want to be dating and exploring relationships. It's no longer just about sex at that age. I'm no expert on dating or relationships, I just asked because I was curious.

For people who are younger, social pressure can be a real problem. At 19 I wanted to have sex very badly and social pressure was telling me that I should have sex, so there really wasn't a conflict, at least for me. My conflict was that I couldn't get laid.

I'm sure experiences vary quite a bit though.

[Zeus28]

Originally Posted by garytheanimal [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

If incels are hostile toward women are we not the exact opposite of that?

"Incel" is a contraction of "involuntary celibate" and refers to anyone who is involuntarily celibate; i.e. who would like to have (a) romantic relationship(s) with other people but who, for whatever reason, is unable to do so. Men who are hostile towards women are known as "misogynists". The words "incel" and "misogynist" are not synonyms. Not all incels are misogynists and not all misogynists are incels. Both women and men can be incels. The first online "incel" forum was established by a woman in the late 1990s and there was little if any misogyny or misandry or hate and hostility on the forum; just people giving and receiving advice and/or emotional support and understanding to/from each other. Unfortunately, the forum and others like it came to be infested with misogynists, and as a result those of us who find mysogyny abhorrent stopped participating on those forums in disgust. As a result, virtually all posts on contemporary "incel" forums are misogynistic, expressing at best contempt for women in general, and at worst a desire to rape, torture and/or murder women. This has led to a totally unfair stereotype that
since virtually all participants on "incel" forums are misogynistic men, all incels are misogynistic men. The reality is that there are many people, both men and women, who find it difficult to impossible to form romantic and/or sexual relationships with other people, but do not blame or hate the opposite sex in general because they have that problem, and therefore do not participate on contemporary "incel" forums. The fact that virtually all participants on contemporary "incel" forums are misogynistic men does NOT mean that all incels are misogynistic men.

[ours01]

Originally Posted by FormerWrestler [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

If you read his message, I think he's moved beyond social pressure. It was hard for him when he was younger, less so now.

The reason I asked if he dated, is because I think at 29, most people want to be dating and exploring relationships. It's no longer just about sex at that age. I'm no expert on dating or relationships, I just asked because I was curious.

For people who are younger, social pressure can be a real problem. At 19 I wanted to have sex very badly and social pressure was telling me that I should have sex, so there really wasn't a conflict, at least for me. My conflict was that I couldn't get laid.

I'm sure experiences vary quite a bit though.

Maybe this topic i see it in another way, because i gaved a shit on social pressure... for me it was to complicated and excausting to please others.

But i get your point of view, not every body can be against the social pressure.
Maybe it was simple for me, because i prefered be with adults due to my maturity, i didn't liked to speak with tennies, mostly it was very booring...
Sometimes i miss this and sometimes i'm happy to not have lived this pressure.

[Ryan Futuristics]

I spent my 20s in a relationship, having sex so boring I'd crave the house to myself to watch MW videos .. A friend in a long-term relationship once pondered: do you find sex much less enjoyable than masturbation? .. And looking at how sex falls off a cliff in most relationships, this is probably not uncommon.

At 29, I vowed only to get with girls who tick my fetish boxes .. I found a tall female climber, who loved wrestling, and had biceps I was nervous to compare mine with – looked like Zooey Deschanel .. And my libido went through the roof .. From one extreme, of being bored and indifferent to girls I was with, to having a girl give me a permanent hard-on – but honestly I just wanted to be overpowered and 'owned' by her .. Which wasn't her thing .. So masturbation still won out.

It's only recently I'm starting to understand the cliche of sex vs making love .. There's a completely different energy when two people are obsessed with each other – and everything about the other person seems perfect .. This girl ticks the fetish boxes (even more so), but at this point, I've integrated the fetish – so I'm not sitting nervously, having drinks, watching her biceps bulge under her sleeve, thinking "Could she beat me in an armwrestle right now??" .. All that nonsense is gone .. There are bigger complications with us (her being engaged, and evidently in a more typical long-term relationship), but the word 'sex' covers a huge spectrum of things, most of which are probably overrated and boring – but there's also something that gives a whole period of life meaning and poetry.

[Aygrol1]

Originally Posted by Ryan Futuristics [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

At 29, I vowed only to get with girls who tick my fetish boxes

Honestly thought that this mindset was bad for a long time, and still do. I'm not saying you're a bad person for thinking that way, but I want to understand if this is okay to do. I am interested in the idea of dating, but have always felt like I'm a bad person for looking for someone who can check those boxes for me because I'm a man and simple sex is enough

[Ryan Futuristics]

Originally Posted by Aygrol1 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

Honestly thought that this mindset was bad for a long time, and still do. I'm not saying you're a bad person for thinking that way, but I want to understand if this is okay to do. I am interested in the idea of dating, but have always felt like I'm a bad person for looking for someone who can check those boxes for me because I'm a man and simple sex is enough

Everyone's got a type .. There are plenty of girls who like men with big backs and arms, because they like the idea of being manhandled and made to feel small (which we could call a 'turn on', foreplay, or a 'fetish', if it's how they get off – and a whole spectrum in between).

Appreciating that girls have types makes things a lot easier too .. There are girls who'll be completely uninterested in you if you're not tall enough; too heavy; the wrong skin colour; etc. So being blown out really is often: them, and not you.

I think you have to have the fetish 'integrated' .. Which in my language means getting past the 'weirdness' phase .. I think it means getting over the neurosis about whether x, y or z girl can beat you .. So this girl I'm talking about: I'd be very surprised if I could beat her in a straight up fight – but I don't give a shit .. My experience: if a girl's really into you, and she's got Chun Li quads, full biceps, or she's a much better grappler, it's a huge turn-on, and that's ultimately what separates a lover from a BFF.

[FormerWrestler]

Originally Posted by ours01 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

Maybe this topic i see it in another way, because i gaved a shit on social pressure... for me it was to complicated and excausting to please others.

But i get your point of view, not every body can be against the social pressure.
Maybe it was simple for me, because i prefered be with adults due to my maturity, i didn't liked to speak with tennies, mostly it was very booring...
Sometimes i miss this and sometimes i'm happy to not have lived this pressure.

I actually agree with you that social pressure can be a huge problem and I may have underplayed it. Social pressure was telling me to have sex, which I wanted to have, but social pressure also made me afraid to tell anyone that I was into fetish growing up.

In that one instance, I think that poster said that he'd largely moved past responding to social pressure, but I agree with you that it's a real problem for many of us, especially when growing up.