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  #21  
Old 26-Oct-20, 16:15
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Shado Shado is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

There are a zillion different flavors under the general umbrella of "turned on by dominant women". No one answer as to the "whys and wherefores" can possibly address them all.

Granted, there is a subset where the guy finds it exciting if the woman has utter contempt for him, in one or many ways. Maybe he's physically not even close to a match for her, maybe sexually he isn't, maybe both. For some, its hot if the woman acts this way, for some, the thought that she is TRULY contemptuous is hot.

Can a long term, fully rounded relationship flourish if one partner has genuine contempt for the other? I'm doubtful (extremely). However, not every fantasy has to be "practical" (IMHO) and a fantasy doesn't have to be a real life model for your 24/7 life, either.

Just my two cents.
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  #22  
Old 27-Oct-20, 17:31
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

Those feelings are so complex.
But I think wanting to be dominated can also mean wanting to be cared about, to be able to show our inner vulnerability, to release very deep emotions.
Domination can be physical or verbal, firm or tender, joyful or severe...above all, it is a meeting between a man and a woman, whether it is a professional or a personal context.

And for some people, to feel equal to the dominant person is a very important thing, as it emphasizes trust, respect, and self-esteem. Even if consensual domination can also be build on a completely different basis. What matters is that personal choices and limits are always respected.
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  #23  
Old 27-Oct-20, 18:57
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark.johnson21 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Do you believe that you're being childish and rude by trolling me across different threads and making offensive accusations when I did no such thing towards you whatsoever? Is there a particular reason you are going out of your way to attack me?
You made this statement in your original post:

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark.johnson21 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
I think our interest in being dominated by women is really just a desire to get rejected
I then asked whether you hold a specific mindset - and the associated behaviors - to enhance your chances of being rejected. How is that accusatory or off-topic when the question is completely germane to your original premise? You yourself said you believe your starting point is a "desire to be rejected". So, why would you take such great offense to being challenged to explore whether this fuels other aspects of your session persona?

You might be surprised what you may learn about yourself if you were to minimize the defensiveness a little. No, I'm not your therapist, but the question I raised for you is well within bounds based upon what you already put out there.
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  #24  
Old 27-Oct-20, 19:46
mark.johnson21 mark.johnson21 is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

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Originally Posted by KillerCrushes [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
I then asked whether you hold a specific mindset - and the associated behaviors - to enhance your chances of being rejected. How is that accusatory or off-topic when the question is completely germane to your original premise?

You might be surprised what you may learn about yourself if you were to minimize the defensiveness a little.
You wrote above that I personally "have a commitment to being cheap" based on your incorrect judgement of me from a different thread, and you're seriously asking how is that accusatory or offensive? I dunno, if I were to write you a question, but I started it with "Seeing as you have a commitment to being rude, judgemental, and asinine..." you might find I'd be going out of my way to be hostile towards you by making obviously insulting assumptions about you that you definitely don't agree with.

Regarding being surprised what I may learn about myself -- maybe you already forgot, but I'm the one who created this thread. Which means I'm the one who learned something about himself and was willing to share it. I'm actually finding a lot of the responses to my opinion to be rather defensive and hostile.

But to be clear -- my opinion is that the desire to be dominated by a woman is really the desire to be proven weaker/inferior to her. Which means you don't want her to regard you as being on her level. Which means the desire to be proven inferior is a desire to be rejected as her equal.
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  #25  
Old 29-Oct-20, 22:23
downandout downandout is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

I hope I'm not offending anyone, but when I see a beautiful female wrestler I'm thinking she looks fertile, that her hip skills on the mat transfer to the bedroom; I think about long kisses, waking up and seeing her angelic face asleep, lit by moonlight, and being in awe about how beautiful she is; I'm thinking she'll give me beautiful children, or more likely to happen, I'll see on her kids' faces that their mother loves them and that means she could be the perfect partner because she could be my best friend--forever! And, that means, if she were a single Mom, I could love her children as if they were my own. I'm seeing her as a real feminist and not some woman with severe issues who will look at her husband as her enemy. If she "likes" to wrestle that means she's playful in a variety of ways, which means fun for me, and wonderful for her/our children, and it probably means that there will be lots of laughter around the house and not lots of arguments; moreover, that she will be socially mature, with good friends and fun at a party. I think about how joyful it would be to bring her to an orgasm and how emotionally close we will be in the afterglow. I'm monogamous so I would want that in a partner and that would be my fantasy in any woman, wrestler or no. I like strong women whether it's physical strength or an internal strength, a fighter for justice or a fighter on the mat, or someone whose strength is in their kindness for others. I would be turned on if all she said was "wanna wrestle?" because if any beautiful woman initiates because she's attracted to you and not that she's getting paid, that's a turn on.

Now, I can train with any woman, no matter how beautiful, and if that's all she is interested in, then it's not a turn on. The Epsteins and Weinsteins who get turned on by forcing themselves on a woman? My equipment wouldn't work. Now, more to your point about being beaten, if she looked down on me because she beat me, Ugh, horrible! If she got turned on by humiliation or pain, Ugh, horrible! But, she liked showing off? Wow! Think about the difference between a pole dancer who is doing it for the money and the pole dancer who is your girlfriend and is turned on that you are turned on by her and her pole dancing is foreplay. Big difference. And, she's confident about her skills. Wow! Likes to win! Wow! Smiles at me coyly. Wow!

For me, If she would trounce me, I would need to feel like at least I'm getting stronger day after day, and if she is really good and I don't have a chance, well, then she is really really fertile. This makes no scientific sense but I would feel the same way about a top ballerina. And, I would love to marry a ballerina but I don't think I could ever be a Baryshnikov. And a woman might be past the chance of having children but I would feel the same desire. I like to win and would want someday that we were equal or I was better than her; I think with wrestling with some exceptions, that's likely, but with Ballet? Who am I kidding. But I would love to salsa with her until we were the talk of town. But, if she were a wrestler, I do not need to beat her; it would be more important that we shared a common love for grappling. And she wants to grapple? Well, a woman's hips and stomach are eternity. And she wants to bring her (gulp) eternity around my head, my head is swimming before we engage. Think about it. A woman's womb is eternity. Her eyes, lips, hair, the slope of her back to her birthing hips, breasts, all of these are larger than the universe.

You might be surprised but there are top women athletes (martial arts women, too) out there who feel rejected, or that the guys they like are intimidated by their skills or that the guys they train with only want one thing while they want a family. Think about it. There are top female acrobats who watch their partners cheat on them with the big busted women from the audience. So these absolutely gorgeous acrobats are looking for a family man. And who wouldn't dream of marrying an acrobat? I meet martial arts women like this; they are not getting the "I'm hot stuff" ego support; the problem for me has been that they are married. I need to change my world to meet one who would be single.

So then, you might ask, why the down name? Well, I pissed off child traffickers years ago. It hasn't been bad, it's been real bad. Rejection isn't the issue, trauma is the issue. And, there wasn't a murder; there have been multiple murders. There is only so much a brain can handle. Wrestling would have been a wonderful stress reliever but I was warned that I could be in danger by a top female judoka if I started training. So, my plan is that probably just moving would be the right choice. I think if I just got into great shape and I wasn't worried about a woman being a honey trap, I could meet the right person, she certainly would not have to be a wrestler or even an athlete. However, I've seen some incredibly beautiful grapplers, who, because of their training, were absolutely stunning, way into their fifties! Staying in shape is really a youth drug. I think a martial arts partner could really be a catch. But finding a best friend is ten times more important than finding the best body. And, just finding an attractive female wrestler doesn't mean she finds me attractive, or even that she is straight. Also, a top wrestler is likely to be a scrapper. I'm not a scrapper. A scrapper is more likely to want to be with male scrapper. I like wrestling. I'm not a scrapper. And, while there are exceptions, I think most top female grapplers are more attracted to top male grapplers. This does not bother my ego, because I've had a few from unhappy marriages make a pass. With one exception, I'm just not interested. What was that exception? Well, he was really taking advantage of her, using her, and I think he was gay. Nothing against being gay but to use your wife to launch a career so you can leave her? Bad. Real bad.

Now, about your question: This isn't like being addicted to heroin; you could wrestle and sort this out. Rejection is not the worst issue to have.

I do wish there were more female cops on this site--having said that, one of my last dates ) and this was years ago, she had dressed herself up and cut her hair to look straight and she wasn't, I was polite about it, but what the fuck; and she told me that she had been a cop, and that she was a dirty cop. What a thing to say. So, trauma, not rejection. Consider yourself lucky. Finally I should add this: if one finds a female wrestler who is interested in you, is it a given that she has the characteristics that I described above? Absolutely not. How many of you have dated a dancer or Playboy model or some fantasy woman and found out she was not your fantasy but your nightmare?

Lastly, I brought this up because women are braving new trails and they are redefining what attractive is, what looks fertile; it's not just about a fantasy; it could be about finding the love of your life. Am I likely to meet someone like this? Probably only if I move. Sorry for the essay. Good luck, Mark.

Last edited by downandout; 29-Oct-20 at 23:10.
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  #26  
Old 30-Oct-20, 21:04
Dennis Dune Dennis Dune is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

I see the reason why one might use the word "rejection" for a certain range of fantasies. Certainly there are any number of prose fantasies in which one sees males degraded and annihilated in highly imaginative ways, while some superior woman stands above it all, sneering.

However, there's another range of fantasies in which the Alpha Woman is intensely possessive of her victim. She doesn't want to kill him, because she wants to torment him endlessly. The Victim pays her obeisance with his pain, and on some level it may even be suggested that the Alpha Woman appreciates his capacity in this regard.

I don't know how many posters are familiar with Japanese manga/anime, but I for one have seen dozens if not hundreds of females, of various degrees of strength, continually browbeat and beat up disobedient or insolent males. Sometimes the males are even literally stronger than the females, but they refuse to retaliate. Yet the motive doesn't seem like chivalry so much as a quasi-Sadean feeling that the females have the right to take out their rage on males, and that males actually show strength by taking everything the ladies can dish out.
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  #27  
Old 31-Oct-20, 07:28
downandout downandout is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

My apologies, Mark. I answered you question without reading your post. If you think women are superior you have a right to think anything you want. I see anyone who thinks they are superior as incredibly weak, even beneath my contempt. Jeffrey Epstein thought he was superior; look where that got him. But I don't mean that as a put down to you. Think what you want. I get more concerned about why other fantasies disappear; like, I used to fantasize about belly dancers; where the hell did that go?
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  #28  
Old 31-Oct-20, 10:55
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mrrassleswithgirls mrrassleswithgirls is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark.johnson21 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
We tend to want to put beautiful women on a pedestal so we can look up to them as goddesses.
That might be the way you look at it all the time. But it's also possible that you may be more fluid than that if you pay close attention. Maybe, maybe not. What's you is you. But I think that the analysis is more harsh to yourself than it needs to be. It may be that you don't want or expect to be rejected in real life, but you are finding it exciting to consider that as a fantasy.

Consider this, if a woman REALLY doesn't respect you and really doesn't think you have anything to offer her, in general that woman would not be willing to engage in even giving you the time of day, let alone dressing up as a dominant, and physically engaging you in some kind of physical contact even to degrade you. In the end, if you're imagining that she's spending her time in close contact with you and she's SO much superior and better than you, she wouldn't have to, she is CHOOSING to spend her time with you. She's enjoying it and she want's you if for no other reason than she likes how the interaction goes. And again, if she's so superior and powerful, she could choose ANYONE she wants, and she's chosen you to dominate. So, you're special in a sense. Further in that scenario you have, she also KNOWS you are excited and relish that and she's OK with that and literally encouraging that.

So it really I wouldn't say you want to be rejected, you're just enjoying a scenario where the woman has all the power, and you like to consider what that seem like. Give yourself a break, relax and enjoy the thought process. As long as you know where play, fantasy, role playing, and so forth start and reality ends, then having fun with someone in ALL SORTS of scenarios when it's consenting adults and no one is hurt, is ok. The key that separates just fun and play from something that is an issue is both of you knowing it's "just a game" and when it's over, it's mutual respect.

Last edited by mrrassleswithgirls; 31-Oct-20 at 11:01.
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  #29  
Old 28-Aug-22, 23:37
db413 db413 is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

I had one long-term relationship where my GF wrestled and beat me regularly, and it wasn’t like that at all. She appreciated that I was man enough to do it even though I almost always lost (at least at first, I eventually learned enough from her to win a fair amount, and being 25 pounds heavier than her and muscular, I could occasionally overwhelm her with brute force, which she also seemed to like). She also did it in a really fun, playful, girlish way. For example, she’d get me in a cross body pin and tell me that was her favorite hold because I had beautiful pecs and she loved feeling them flex against her bare belly as I struggled. That made me feel strong and manly, even though I was totally helpless beneath a smaller girl. And we strictly did this as fun and foreplay, in every other aspect of our relationship we were either equals or she wanted me to lead. I guess even at that young age (I was 17 and she was 15 when we met) I was secure enough not to be bothered by it, and to allow myself to be turned on by it. And sometimes she did it because it was late and I had to go home so I could get to school on time, but she wanted to kiss and cuddle for a while longer, which made me feel really loved and wanted. I have had fantasies where a girl has utter contempt for me and wants to put me in my place and punish me (or even kill me), but it’s not something I’d ever want to act out. I also don’t do sessions, because I’m really only interested in doing it with a girl who loves me, or at least wants me sexually.

The other time it happened was when I had a one-night stand with a girl in a hotel room. It wasn’t full-out wrestling, but she got on top of me and grapevined me hard while passionately kissing me and grinding on me. I think I could have gotten out of it as she was a lot smaller and I don’t think she’d ever grappled competitively (She had been through Army basic and learned combatives like all recruits do), but it felt incredibly good and I didn’t want it to end. We fucked and cuddled all night (I asked her to grapevine me again a couple time and she enthusiastically agreed) and I don’t think she would have done that if she thought less of me for allowing her to dominate me (and even asking for more).

Last edited by db413; 29-Aug-22 at 01:48.
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  #30  
Old 09-Sep-22, 07:43
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legLover232 legLover232 is offline
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Default Re: Is wanting to be dominated really wanting to be rejected?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark.johnson21 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
This is gonna sound really weird, but I think our interest in being dominated by women is really just a desire to get rejected. Bear with me, but here's why I think so:

We tend to want to put beautiful women on a pedestal so we can look up to them as goddesses. Of course, most beautiful women want nothing to do with the majority of us because we're not in their league. But as inferior beings, we can't help but crave their attention because we strongly want to be graced by their presence and beauty.

So if a "goddess" acknowledges your existence -- even if it's to dominate, humiliate and abuse you -- then she is giving you her attention, presence, and beauty, which satisfies your craving to have it. In other words, negative attention is preferable to not getting any attention at all. You are at least more special than all the other men she has ignored because you are now providing a satisfying use for her. You feel special knowing she wants you for something, regardless of how degrading it might be.

But here's the kicker...

Your whole attraction to her is based on the belief that she is superior to you, which means if she were to treat and regard you as an equal, she would fall from her pedestal and become a lowly human just like you. Your whole attraction was based on looking up at her, but you can't do that if she's at your level. So the only way she remains a "goddess" is if she rejects you as being on her level by emasculating, dominating, abusing, and humiliating you. Your kink is that she is reminding you that you are still just a lowly human, and not a superior god like her.

In short, we crave attention of any kind (even if it's degrading) from women we consider superior, and we want those women to dominate and thereby reject us as equals so that they will remain superior to us.

...

Thoughts?
The problem with this approach is that it is predicated on the assumption your "goddess" must hate you or supremely disrespect in order to properly dominate you. You must disabuse yourself of this notion. You can be dominated and still be loved by the empress who holds such authority over you.

The real issue is finding a lady who is willing to play that role.

However, it is not enough for her to love the power she possesses over you. Any man-hating bitch can love the power she possesses over a man but, that doesn't she loves that man.

No, your beloved queen must love more than the power she possesses over you.

She must also. Be. In love. With. YOU. Not in spite of your weakness and inferiority to her glorious self but BECAUSE of it.

But, like I said earlier, the question isn't whether this kind of relationship can be had. The real question is whether you can find a lady who wants to have this kind of relationship with you. This isn't a matter of ability, it is a matter of willingness.

Are you willing, my friend? And, more to the point, is she willing?

In any case, lots of luck to you, amigo. Because, we're both gonna need it ^_^
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