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Old 25-Feb-21, 04:43
mark.johnson21 mark.johnson21 is offline
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Default Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

Hi All,

Recently, I became a member of Seeking Arrangements after reading about it on this website, and have met up with a few women to engage in my kinks -- and this is with my fiancee's consent provided there's no sex, nudity, or romance. My third meet-up was extremely good. She is the first women I've ever met in person who understood that I like being made to feel small by a dominant woman and knew how to act to get me into that headspace. I was elated. Finally, reality matched the fantasy. I didn't think it was possible. But now that I know that it is, I am UTTERLY HOOKED on getting back there like an addict blocking out everything else in his life other than getting his fix. This is causing a MAJOR internal problem which I could use some help with. Besides the obvious reason that no other goals in life seem to matter to me now, here's why:

While my fiancee is the kindest soul you could meet, is very pretty, very talented, and is the only person I can truly be my weird goofy self around without any reservation, the fact is that she hasn't been able to really accommodate my desire to feel small because she doesn't really know how to act convincingly dominant -- because it's not really her thing. She finds my kinks fun and goofy, but she can't tap into truly being dominant when she does them. This is why she is fine with me seeking women on Seeking Arrangements and session wrestlers to accommodate this particular desire for me. But now that I KNOW that my fantasy can be accommodated in reality by other women, I'm realizing it feels better than pretty much anything I've ever felt... not just with her but with anybody.

Now, to be clear, I've only felt this in reality once. I don't know if the intensity of that kind of feeling diminishes when returning back to that headspace -- I'm due for another session next week with the same lady, and this time she's bringing a whole slew of new ideas to the table, which of course has me rather thrilled. But the thought has started to occur to me -- if my fiancee cannot get me to that special place in my head but other women can... doesn't that spell disaster for getting married?

I'm assuming many of you on here are married and seek out other women to fulfill your kinks, so I'd definitely like your feedback on how you've gone about handling this since I'm sure this is not new to most of you. I'm worried that future sessions will eventually make me break up with my fiancee and pursue other women. But I'm equally worried that completely stopping sessions altogether will make me feel extremely repressed.

Neither of these are good outcomes. I'm hoping there's a third. I welcome your opinions.

~Mark

Last edited by mark.johnson21; 25-Feb-21 at 06:58.
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  #2  
Old 25-Feb-21, 06:11
saito
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Default Re: Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

Hey man. I’m not married and likely not suitable for that sorta thing, but it’s amazing that you have a woman that not only admits she can’t exactly be -that- while also supporting your need for it. I greatly admire people with that degree of real commitment.

All this aside, I’ve had a lot of experience with femdom sessions, and I can tell you that in my situation, I eventually got less ‘thirsty’ for it. I still indulge in sessions, still check women out, and still love to be facesat and dominated. I can’t really give much advice in the way of successful relationships, but everything has an element of balance. What would happen if you left your girl for a dominant who gave you the stimulation you need, but catered to other subs or so-called alphas? What if that woman didn’t have the range of other personality traits and habits you’ve grown accustomed to, and would likely miss?

Have you ever considered going to a domme or dominatrix together, while having the domme basically instruct her on what to do? They could work, together. This way, your future wife could potentially develop a taste for it, while taking the edge off of you?
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Old 25-Feb-21, 16:09
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Johnhwasser Johnhwasser is offline
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Default Re: Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

I'd say you're extremely lucky to have a fiance that's cool with it. I wouldn't dare tell mine. Partly because I think she'd look at me differently if I told her I love to be cradled. Lol.

Anyway back you you. Don't forget the other woman who may be perfect at dominating you is likely just in it for the money. So you need to keep it at that level. A service, a treat that you enjoy every now and then. Your real life is outside.
Ofc if she starts to have mutual feelings then that's another story and you can manage if and when you get there.

I love the suggestion of meeting her and your fiance together. The possibilities! She could kick your ass while teaching your fiance how to do it. Win win.
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Old 25-Feb-21, 20:22
bizyz bizyz is offline
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Default Re: Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

If your session provider keeps insisting on giving you happy endings in various ways,you then may have a problem.
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Old 25-Feb-21, 21:59
mark.johnson21 mark.johnson21 is offline
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Default Re: Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

Thanks for the comments!

So first off -- the sessions I'm having are not sexual. No sex, handjobs, happy endings, nudity, orgasms, etc... strictly kink-based. I tell them that up front and they respect it.

Yes, I am aware that just because a woman can accommodate my kinks doesn't mean she can accommodate everything else as a partner. It's a tall order to find, of course. One I assumed is impossible after countless dates. I think in the end we always end up settling in some way because there is no such thing as a perfect person.

I did ask my fiancee if she wanted to come with me to a session, and she unfortunately does not, probably because she would not enjoy seeing another woman put their hands on me. I suppose if it was a training session for her, that might help. But to be honest, the women I've seen so far are also still learning. So until they completely know what they're doing, bringing my fiancee along may be premature.

I'm absolutely not falling in love with the women I'm seeing -- I understand it's a business arrangement and that I'm paying to see them. Most of them have significant others, too, so it's very clear nothing is going to develop beyond the session itself. And that is absolutely fine with me -- I'm not interested in them beyond the session. But what I'm saying is that once I see that there are other women who can actually make my fantasies a reality... it makes me wonder why I'm sticking with my fiancee if she can never get me there. And I'm left wondering what to do.

Yes, I know she's giving me the go-ahead to see other women for this. This initially was just to accommodate my fetish for lift and carry which she physically cannot do, and the idea is she would take care of the rest. Then I realized that following up a lift with other kinks (wedgies, facesits, verbal teasing) heightens it quite a bit. And so it has become not just seeking getting lifted, but seeking the whole dynamic of being made to feel small in various ways. Again -- my fiancee is fine with this. But I'm not. I find it sad that I have to find other women to accommodate this dynamic because my fiancee can't or won't. And I don't know what to do about it.

Last edited by mark.johnson21; 25-Feb-21 at 22:44.
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Old 26-Feb-21, 06:17
saito
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Default Re: Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

I...don’t know what to say, man. You’re saying your fiancé is ok with what you requested, suggested, and ultimately compounded..but you’re not. Do you want someone to tell you that it’s going to be fine, that you should proceed or cease, with there being no consequence for either path? That’s never the case. Are you looking for an excuse to leave, or a reason to stay? That’s all up to you, my friend.

Are you saying that you fear this becoming an impulse or addiction that you can’t control? If that’s the case, you’ve addressed your own concern, because none of us know your mindset and behavior better than you. I personally lean into addiction with both video games and porn, and I’m conscious of the fact that if I phased both of those items out of my life, I’d be happier and more successful. I’m just not ready yet, but I have to take ownership of whatever the consequences may be.

If you recognize this as being potentially debilitating, you know what you have to do. When that day comes when you feel resentment or even regret, do all you can to remember why you did what you had to. Good luck.
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Old 26-Feb-21, 06:43
mark.johnson21 mark.johnson21 is offline
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Default Re: Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

To reiterate -- I'm worried that future sessions will eventually make me break up with my fiancee and pursue other women who I can connect with on that level. But I'm equally worried that completely stopping sessions altogether will make me feel extremely repressed.

Neither of these are good outcomes. Does anybody have any idea if there is a possible third outcome? For those of you who are in committed relationships but still see session wrestlers, what is it like for you? How do you go about coping/managing living with someone who can't really please your deepest fantasies?
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Old 26-Feb-21, 06:52
saito
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Default Re: Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

One more thing: We often underestimate the value of sexual compatibility, and that definitely includes kinks. If you are juggling the possibility of leaving, I recommend at least talking to her about how seriously you feel. If marriage was on the table, it’s worth at least as much effort as you can muster. If she’s not down with it, no one’s going to blame you for leaving due to sexual incompatibility, but bear in mind the mindset of present company. We are probably not unbiased. One last thing: Only you can know what your fetishes mean to you, and only you can know how happy you are, with your lady, thusly only you can know what you can live with or without.
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Old 26-Feb-21, 12:44
tomjui tomjui is offline
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Default Re: Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark.johnson21 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Neither of these are good outcomes. Does anybody have any idea if there is a possible third outcome? For those of you who are in committed relationships but still see session wrestlers, what is it like for you? How do you go about coping/managing living with someone who can't really please your deepest fantasies?
I'm OK with it that my partner is not my colleague, not my team-mate in sports and not my drinking buddy. There's really no need to share every passion with one and the same person. Whether or not this extends to kinks is up to you and your partner. You seem to be lucky enough to have a partner who's open minded enough to be OK with that, so jay for you.

So I'm going to assume you prefer the outcome that you grow old with someone over you growing old alone but with paid-for or occasional kinky company (some prefer the latter and that's OK too I guess).

Relationships require effort.
But luckily you can actually use your sessions to be better at your relationship It can be a release valve, you can learn new things about yourself, you can use it to get rid of negative energy or frustration..
I like to ask myself before and after sessions: how do I think this contributes to my relationship? If I can't find a positive answer, I don't do or don't repeat the session..

So the third option is that you put in effort to be a good partner and you dose your sessions and manage your session mindset actively to let it contribute to your quality of life instead of letting it control your life.

On the other hand, if you don't like the prospect of growing old with your fiancee, perhaps better bring that up now instead of later when your lives are fully entangled and you have kids..
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Old 26-Feb-21, 23:40
Jwo321 Jwo321 is offline
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Default Re: Help! Engaged, but other women can accommodate my kinks. What do I do?

Anyone here find as they age this fetish and desire only gets stronger and stronger ? I think anyone with a particular fetish ... if they want to last in the relationship or marriage ... must get it fulfilled by their wife some how. Otherwise the desire to seek it out elsewhere grows. And although your wife is ok with you sessioning .. she risks losing you to the ever growing desire or fantasy that you could end up with a sessionist fulfilling your sexual desires plus has the attributes of good wife material! I think it’s best to work at getting her onboard with your fantasy’s ... she loves you she should at least try. Just as I’m sure you would try if she had some fantasy she wanted to play out. I get some women are just to conservative and dominance just isn’t in them at all... but if you talk about it enough ... start small .. like light bondage or a game like if she can tap you out she gets x reward or something. Maybe even some wine to share beforehand or something could open her up alittle more to experimentation
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