Redd: The Zen of Wrestling (bio)

[calwrest]

Years ago I ran across a wrestler's profile named Redd. She is/was a session wrestler in the San Francisco area. I did my research, found a couple of videos, and then stumbled on an article she wrote "Redd: The Zen of Wrestling (bio)". I immediately contacted her to set up a session, but we could never get our schedules to synch.

Fast forward to today. Cleaning out the old hard drive due to COVID boredom - I ran across Redd's article, which is now buried somewhere in the internet abyss. She discusses her sensual feelings towards wrestling, and how complicated it is.

It's a very good read. I definitely recommend it to guys who seek sessions. Her article may give better insight into some wrestler's attitude.


Amazons International # 65
**************************

Contents: Redd: The Zen of Wrestling (bio)

Date of publication: 27.05.1998

************************************************** *******************

This issue of AI introduces you to the "Zen of Wrestling", a passionate and vivid personal account by Redd. Based in San Francisco, active in bodybuilding and wrestling, passionate and outspoken about women's empowerment and self-defense, presenting her own brand of physical feminism. Thanks to Cat Farrar for facilitating and abetting Redd's participation in AI. -- Editor

************************************************** *******************

From: Redd <reddwon@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]mail.com>
Subject: The Zen of Wrestling (bio)

My whole body aches from head to toe. Training tonight for two hours with the big boys was a great way to spend the evening. My ego got squished and I squished a few along the way -- feels good!

What is it about grappling a sweaty body on a blue mat that is such a turn-on for me? Why am I so driven to go where guys try to beat me up, for sport?

Physically, I have been wrestling for four years. Emotionally, and otherwise I could say I've been wrestling most of my adult life -- wrestling with my own personal power vs. insecurities about being a female. Wrestling, though body based, takes me past inner struggles, negative dialogue and dreams for love and romance. I go into a deeper meditation on the mat. It's like entering a world of discipline that brings out a deeper side of me. There on the mat, my confidence grows. It shows me ME as I focus in my center and get connected, not to HIM, or any past hims.

I get together with my strengths and my female power each time I step on the Mat. This art allows me the one to one full body touching that I crave deep in my bones. The intensity of physical touching, the one to one embrace is written all over this sport. Even though it is so competitive, wrestling is extremely bonding.

"...the need for the intense grip of bodies", in D.D. Turner's words from an article (01.01.1998) in Nerve Magazine ([Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]), accentuates the intensity of bonding via wrestling. It's about an intense bonding often with others I know little of, 'cept a name. I haven't done that since my promiscuous college days!

Tender hugs often follow a match, respecting the other for sharing a part of his/her struggle. There is an intimacy attainable through wrestling that can't be found in many other sports.

Wrestling is sensual, provocative, passionate. When it also includes skill, it becomes a one to one expression of art. It's two disciplined bodies united, bonding in a battle that is theirs alone. It's a passion-filled yet disciplined sport that appreciates the body. It's great to finally have a place, as a woman, where I can express my passion.

I can be a female wrestler and be proud of it! I can be passionate, courageous, sweaty and skilled. If I am really ambitious about the practice, it can turn career. I have an image of wrestling women in the royal courts in Venice (circa 1500's) while royal courtesans, husbands and wives look on.

The Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training that I do is very male-based, masculine and testosterone-driven. Sometimes, the mentality of fight'em, beat'em up to be a REAL MAN overwhelms me! Then I must come back to me, and MY purpose for doing all of this. This is good because as hard as I try, I cannot be a REAL MAN. Thank goodness for that!!! Being graceful, as a woman, in an art such as Jiu Jitsu is very empowering.

Once I start training, it's about technique. I am then on an equal turf with all the others in my class -- men, women, big guys, little guys, kids who climb on rocks; tough guys, sissy guys... Then it becomes about skill, the execution of a movement and being in the center. There I'm not a GIRL, I'm another human wanting to learn technique and thus, gain some mastery over me, myself. It's not wanting to be like them, it's about wanting to know. I want to know what the big boys know. I want to acquire the power over another that is ultimately power over my own lacks in discipline. And the
Jiu Jitsu art is so full of technique for me that size matters less and less when skill comes forth.

Learning a movement puts me behind the wheel, helps me get out of danger and thus, puts me in the control. Learning to escape a submission hold is learning to overcome an opponent (in my mind) or elsewhere. Great self-defense stuff for all women. It's out of my mind and into my body! And I love getting out of my mind! All that ya-da ya-da ya-da.

The wrestling is even better yet when I come in it as a woman driven by something higher than my hormones. Getting in control of personal passions, watching where they cannot control me -- what an arena to work out life's mysteries, powerfully on the mat.

My anxiety level get quite high just before a wrestling match, and even more so if I don't know much about the person. I take a call. I set up an appointment. I go to the 'wrestling office', set up mats and wait for some guy, that I do not know, who can at times be at least 10 lbs. and in some cases 100 lbs. over my weight. And I wait, thinking about how we will fight each other, scantily clad in this room -- just the two of us.

Though I always leave the mat feeling relieved, empowered and renewed, I often wonder, "Why do I do this?" Risk is a factor. Fear comes up for me all the time. With the fear there is excitement too. If an Amazon is defined as one "not afraid to break free from traditional ideas about gender roles, relationships and femininity" I qualify, but I wouldn't say about myself that I'm fearless. Fear, at times I've been so afraid to put myself out there, even though each time I still have.

So many guys call me and ask, "So, what can you bench? What are the measurements of your biceps?" This brings me back to EGO.

There are the calls that make me wonder what drives me to do this. Maybe they want a large, buff female? Would it make any difference to a male like that if a 130lb. highly skilled woman could seriously kick his 230 lb. male ass?

When I focus on my life lessons, I see my self-esteem go up after an hour of mat action. To grapple, scantily clad with a male opponent TWICE my size -- who thinks he may be able to dominate me, "Ha!!" What else could be more exhilarating?

As a teen, I can recall many guy 'friends' who did little things to tease and humiliate me. It's part of growing up a girl. Having a full bosom at age 11, I was called chesty. Once even, a friend grabbed one of 'em as he referred to his hands as a booby trap. Naively funny to an 11 year old, 'cept he was 18. Another one who used to put sand down my wet bathing suit, probably to cop a feel. Now I get a glimpse into why some men sometimes treat us 'non-men' as subordinate beings, so they can feel superior.

At last, in my life it is becoming OK to be assertive, or even arrogant at times. Finally, I am taking back the forgotten power I had been given at birth. It's been there all along and now I take it into my own hands, and body, as a woman. For many years, much depression and passive aggression was in me, energy of withdrawal all too familiar as a teen. (I was not athletic then. Getting high to me meant being drug induced, not the endorphin created high one can get through working out.) But now, all that aggression is benefitting me. It finally has a place of expression on the blue mat. Redd on the blue mat. Devil in a blue dress. Little Redd ridin' Hood.

Some guys like to be treated as subordinate, slightly humiliated, teased or physically dominated by a strong woman. A lot of that is probably sexual energy, though I've never been touched by a hard-on during the competitive match. How could he get one when he is fighting for his life?! Some enjoy the masochistic adventure of being defeated by an Amazon. Some guys want to be taught. But almost all, like grapes, just wanna be squished.

The ones I enjoy are those who walk in confident to kick my ass, but then exit the mat with their tail between their legs, not humiliated, but humbled a bit and surprised that they were physically dominated and outwitted by a more experienced female. Then there are the ones calling who ask if they can 'release' after the match. Yeah, right buddy, like you're going to reach down to 'It' anytime during such a pumped up grapple?! You'll be so busy gasping air and protecting your arms, there's no chance! Never has been, but you can try to call my bluff.

I want to respect guys just as I so deeply want this attitude from them. It would be awfully nice if we all came from a higher place with each other, a place of respect. The world would be such a better place. Ah, to be an Amazon; to walk on a planet where women are Amazons and all men are appreciative with eyes to see – like Boris Vallejo.

Such a world is described by Thomas in "Manhood and Amazons" in AI # 59, "She can make you feel protected because you feel that she is strong enough, physically -- to protect you. She aids you in the battle for your becoming, becoming not just a man, but a human being."

This is so beautiful!!! To be in a world where men feel respectful and protected by you. I'd love to think of my journey as playing a part in the battle for a man's becoming more human, and thus, more humane to himself, others and his planet. Here maybe my purpose as a female can be realized -- aiding men to be hu-men. Momma always said boys can be trained.

If I wrestle to hurt you, then I am just as bad as some guys out there, unless your fantasy is to be squished. Then I would be glad to accommodate you. This is probably why I dance more with the power role when wrestling a guy, especially if I dominate the match. If a big, arrogant, hard-on-in-a-hand guy enters my feminine space with an attitude of conquer or destroy, then it brings me great pleasure to 'splain things to him' -- 'splaining' things about power, technique and skill as executed by a strong and powerful woman.

I can only really speak for myself, but I would say that women have reasons much different from men for wanting to step onto the wrestling mat. For one, learning great self-defense. Being stronger than a guy is great for the ego. But ultimately, for me it's about being smarter, having more knowledge, which gives me the ability to dominate so many men twice my size. Being smarter is less about ego; more about knowledge of the sport.

Women have trained with me and say that after a hard practice, they notice they walk taller and feel more confident on these streets of brotherly love. Working with women on a regular basis as a self-defense expert would be exhilarating to me. Empowering other women to see their strengths and personal power on a wrestling mat compares only to the grapple itself in intensity for me.

Wrestling both men and women is fun for me, but for very different reasons. Wrestling a competitive woman can be more confrontational to me than wrestling a guy, though wrestling a woman can really show me how much I measure up in the sport. If a well rehearsed guy beats me, so be it. If a woman is good enough to beat me with skill, I respect her more. The ultimate envy will get me to the gym to practice more often.

It seems that men love a good cat fight. Most men seem to find two women in combat with each other to be a big turn-on. In this way, it is difficult for me to separate the sport of wrestling as just a woman's sport. It's not that simple. Most guys love to watch. Guys are the 'fans' of female wrestling. And when guys watch, I love to rise to the occasion. If the match involved all women and only women, it wouldn't be as adrenalin-filled for me. Part of this is that it wouldn't be so much about combat. I'm more competitive with some guys. With men, combat comes more into play. With women, it's more of a playful competition. Combat? Yeah, but not to dominate, maybe just do my best.

I love to win, but I guess I love winning over a guy much more than over a woman. I'd rather make love to a woman than beat her up. And sometimes, I'd rather beat up a guy than make love to him?!

This sounds a bit odd as I write it, alas... I guess cuz I've had so many relationship issues -- painful romantic issues with guys from my past that it brings me great joy to be able to beat one up now and again. There's my ego talking.

It was in March 1994 that I started all of this body-based stuff, e.g., wrestling, bodybuilding and regular gym workouts. I admit, initially it was to impress a guy. Sure, I wanted to get in shape and all of that, but I wanted his respect; his admiration. That was what kept me going. It worked. I got his respect, mine too. I also got so much more from myself.

The bodybuilding is competition with myself -- me against some resistance. Like wrestling, it is a divine way to conquer demons. If you've been a passive-aggressive for most of your adult life (like me) lifting is empowering. Through bodybuilding, I come face to face with the resistance of specific weights, demons in my mind, and in so doing, I build up my body, becoming stronger. Mind over that iron matter I hold in my hands. Gaining strength, cutting up the definition of my muscles, happens when I am willing to come up against resistance. This is what motivates me before my 5 a.m. workout. I don't always get up that early, but when I do, my workouts are superior.

As a female weight lifter, there's nothing pressuring me to become a real man either. It's about becoming more shapely as a woman. Bodybuilding gives me a growing awareness of my own uniqueness, shaped by my own muscular curves. Now that I can say that I've got more skill and technique behind that wildass aggression and desire, I find my training truly paying off.

Wrestling is a turn-on for me, even on the rare occasion when I'm being dominated. It's the power of the other that turns me on. That power shows up to me as inner strength, courage and conviction. There is a deep sexual component to this art. I'd say so even for the ones who deny and say, "Oh, I just want a great workout! It's not about sex for me!" Yeah, right...

I say, hey -- it's OK. Wrestling is sexual. Isn't that great? I mean, to be one to one; face to face; someone grabbing you, feeling the breath, sweat and passion of another body so close to your own -- challenging you and maybe overpowering them...and maybe not. Ultimately, you cling to them, bond with them in a way that is not co-dependent, but in a way that is independent, gratifying, intensely passionate. It becomes an intimate glimpse into one
another's soul. Ecstatic. It's almost orgasmic to me!

The 'high' is still with me, even after I roll off of this sweaty opponent. Being conscious of sex when you do what you love is empowering. To me, this is honoring and respecting the passion. When can male to female wrestling find its rightful place in a society so plagued by sexual confusion and shame? It may take a while.

Wrestling also teaches me about not being co-dependent. There is no room for worry about what the other wants when on the wrestling mat. Wrestling is a place for conflict resolution for me. With someone close to me, wrestling allows me a place to get angry, aggressive and then assert my abilities on the mat. It's just another way to resolve coflict for the two of us. Therapists can add it to their sessions. Couples can do it to resolve arguments. That aggressive inner voice can be expressed physically, and at times playfully sadistically. If a verbal fight is starting to escalate for me, with a man I'm intimate with, "hitting the mat" to channel the anger
is sometimes better than yelling. To pulverize, on the mat, the other for his stoooopid opinions; to 'splain' it all to him, then exhausted we "release" this hold on each other and the air has become clear -- we can talk respectfully to each other.

Being physical is sometimes easier than talking. Sometimes wrestling can diffuse a problematic situation with a partner. We then choose to wrestle rather than verbally argue, and sometimes, the match really helps us get in touch with deeper issues and then we can talk more objectively.

One biggie for me is loving too much. Loving a discipline, an art like wrestling, is always empowering, it's where I keep my center. Loving another so much is another story, one I know painfully well. But the more I train, flowing with it (physical discipline), the more in touch and insightful I get about those inner struggles I'm having as a woman. Then I get excited and think, hey, if I can overcome some of my heartache by this mat action, then maybe I can bring others to this, namely other women who could relate. By learning this inner discipline, they will gain inner strength and insight into how to hold onto their hearts and still love without getting lost, like I have. A line in the movie _Dangerous Beauty_ went something like, "...enjoy the loving, not loving the man."

Someone likened the grappling that I do to meditation. The expression of movements come from my intuitive center, not someone else's. If I dwell on someone else and lament about my missing him, I'll get pushed over and possibly dominated on the mat. Isn't that what I know so well in life -- this getting 'pushed over' if I dwell excessively on missing him? Wrestling, I get knocked down, but I get back up again -- never gonna keep me down!

The wrestle trains me for life's combat. With an intimate relationship and all the struggles involved, I am training so as to reenter the day-to-day as a whole, integrated human being freed of attachment. When I am feeling disconnected in my emotional life, more and more I am turning not to him for help, but to this body-based activity on the mat. It renews my sense of balance. The art is my ally giving me tools for fighting the battles in my own personal life. Then I master my own personal challenges instead of them mastering me. Sanctify yourself; set yourself free.

When I finally get into the flow, in the zone, in the art of precision and mastery, I get a glimpse of the Goddess Jiu Jitsu. She's always there. I can tap into her at any time, or I can tap out. All I'm limited by are my own limitations, my own inexperience. So, the more I practice, the more I see her and the better I get at this art. To be the best you can be in a sport that you love is one of the highest aspirations as a human being.

Wrestling is erotic, passionate, provocative, intimately bonding, physically demanding and for this little girl, extremely fulfilling. It's the main motivator in my day-to-day life right now in 1998. I practice 4-5 days per week and more during the day when I book clients into competitive, playful or instructional sessions.

If you want general information about the world of women wrestling, check out KenStar in Los Angeles, Eros Guide wrestlers on the Internet ([Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]), DWW and other places where athletes might advertise.

If a woman is interested in wrestling, I always welcome new sparring partners and would love to see the sport grow and expand for women. Where are the women wrestlers/Amazons hiding? If you are in California, call me (San Francisco, (415) 922-6279) for some training. Same for you guys out there! Call for a match. Know what it means to see REDD! Or maybe you'd like to add more meaning to that street sign -- NO TURN ON REDD!

I'd like to wrestle into old age -- I love the full body contact, the one on one, the competitive sportiness of it all. The erotic feel of flesh against flesh; a bonding that is gutsy and sometimes on a dangerous edge -- it's so exciting!

Redd
reddwon@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]mail.com

************************************************** ***************
* Amazons International *
* Thomas Gramstad, editor: thomas@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]h.uio.no *
* Administravia/Listserver: [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register] *
* Submissions: amazons@[Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]h.uio.no *
* [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register] *
* *
* The Amazon Connection -- Links to Amazon web sites: *
* [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register] *
************************************************** ***************
"A Hard Woman is Good to Find" -- The Valkyries

[pinme]

I sessioned with Redd a few times. She was one of my favorites at the time. She had a great style - very skilled martial artist, and just gently pulled you in to her clutches. She was not that big or strong or muscular or athletic, but somehow she was always completely in control.

[scissorgirl]

Originally Posted by pinme [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

I sessioned with Redd a few times. She was one of my favorites at the time. She had a great style - very skilled martial artist, and just gently pulled you in to her clutches. She was not that big or strong or muscular or athletic, but somehow she was always completely in control.

Is this the same Redd who did matches for Academy way back? Videos available at Kontex [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]

She was great.. is there anywhere else we can get her videos

[pinme]

I don’t think so. Different Redd.

[funwrestler]

Wow, what a text! BIG THANK YOU for sharing this.

Where can I see Redd in pictures and ideally in videos?

[HanzVanDerKill]

She was my second session ever. Such amazing memories from that experience. She soon after had some sort of wrestling yurt she was quite fond of. I never made it back to San Fran. Wish I did!