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  #1  
Old 27-May-23, 17:07
Wyoming Wyoming is offline
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Default Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

Since getting serious about bjj I've learned a lot about myself and I'm really not interested in this scene at all. I've started to crave intimacy more than anything. When I wasn't taking it overly serious I wanted to learn BJJ to take with me into sessions so I knew what I was doing.

When I started getting serious with my training and setting aside some goals to get better I'd been training hard for a few weeks. I'd previously trained on and off for a year but not that much. I stepped into a new gym in another area and the first person I saw there was a world champion. We had a chat, then started doing some warm up drills. I was pretty nervous because I hadn't been put in that position before and my heart was racing because I followed her on IG and she was literally the best and Ive always thought of her as attractive. I'm sure she knew this but when it came to rolling I got subbed over and over and at the end of the roll I thought to myself, this just feels like any other roll. I had no thoughts during the roll, especially not negative and I certainly didn't feel emasculated as I thought I may have.

I rolled with several other blue belts and above and again it was the same. I was happy I was learning, listening to the advice that they gave and again it felt like any other roll. I didn't get those deep drowning thoughts that I used to get if I felt weak at the thought of lifting less than a female.

The only time I've ever struggled with my ego and quite early on was when I got tapped several times by a white belt. I let this one female get inside my head and it did frustrate me a fair bit, but this was the start of me going on a better journey, one that is giving me greater character development.

I've recently started doing some more GI training and it's more challenging but the submissions come on so quickly. Quite literally every roll with a female feels like any other roll. I'm not trying too hard, not overworking, not going into panic mode, just accepting that I'm gonna get subbed.

I think about a the idea of "losing" to a female much differently than I previously did and the thought of it doesn't really interest me. I'm certain there is a thread somewhere explaining how BJJ killed their fantasy but I can't find it. But it is real. When you acquire more knowledge you become more humble.

The thought of losing to a woman doesn't have the same effect that it used to because it doesn't feel emasculating and I can easily accept it for what it is.

I think my decision to get serious about jiu jitsu was the best decision I could have made. I feel more in control of my life, I'm no longer spending money on videos and sessions. I feel somewhat more approachable particularly during class.

We're all free to be whoever we want to be and while I thought the other road was more exciting particularly in the short term. For me this path is much more rewarding long term.

I don't regret rediscovering myself. I will say this, learning BJJ seriously will help you get the best out of yourself.

Last edited by Wyoming; 27-May-23 at 17:34.
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Old 27-May-23, 20:53
Gerd Gerd is offline
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Default Re: Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

Congratulations. I hope it bring out the best version of you.
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Old 29-May-23, 12:34
fvsfforever fvsfforever is offline
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Default Re: Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

I thought I was going to read something else, but again find this confusing.

I thought simply that the more you do BJJ and become proficient, then it is almost impossible to lose to someone with less experience.

Yet here again we have someone losing to a white belt female? Is he losing too to white belt males? I hope he is a white belt smaller male, or again we are feeding into the stereotype highlighted in this group.

Again I don't get it.

My thought when reading the title and starting the post was that with the technical aspect and the thought processes as one grapples, it is no longer about the sensual aspect, but about BJJ, which then changes the dynamic of this whole obsession.

In the end this however may be a good thing for the poster as this mixed wrestling predilection (not sure what his issues/concerns with this are) may have been overwhelming his everyday life.
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Old 29-May-23, 22:03
Aygrol1 Aygrol1 is offline
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Default Re: Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by fvsfforever [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
I thought I was going to read something else, but again find this confusing.

I thought simply that the more you do BJJ and become proficient, then it is almost impossible to lose to someone with less experience.

Yet here again we have someone losing to a white belt female? Is he losing too to white belt males? I hope he is a white belt smaller male, or again we are feeding into the stereotype highlighted in this group.

Again I don't get it.

My thought when reading the title and starting the post was that with the technical aspect and the thought processes as one grapples, it is no longer about the sensual aspect, but about BJJ, which then changes the dynamic of this whole obsession.

In the end this however may be a good thing for the poster as this mixed wrestling predilection (not sure what his issues/concerns with this are) may have been overwhelming his everyday life.
Getting into BJJ is NOT the way to change your fetish. You will still enjoy mixed wrestling/headscissors even after getting to BJJ. Also, DO NOT believe for a second that belts matter that much. Physiological variables, age, past injuries, etc. will help white belts tap higher belts. This belt mentality is a business ploy in order to get more people into BJJ, and put money into the gracies pockets
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Old 29-May-23, 22:17
fvsfforever fvsfforever is offline
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Default Re: Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aygrol1 [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
Getting into BJJ is NOT the way to change your fetish. You will still enjoy mixed wrestling/headscissors even after getting to BJJ. Also, DO NOT believe for a second that belts matter that much. Physiological variables, age, past injuries, etc. will help white belts tap higher belts. This belt mentality is a business ploy in order to get more people into BJJ, and put money into the gracies pockets
However no male has ever beaten a proficient BJJ female regardless of size or strength advantage. I got that part right at least according to this website.

I am so confused (really I am).
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Old 29-May-23, 23:12
Ryan Futuristics Ryan Futuristics is offline
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Default Re: Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wyoming [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
I think my decision to get serious about jiu jitsu was the best decision I could have made. I feel more in control of my life, I'm no longer spending money on videos and sessions. I feel somewhat more approachable particularly during class.

We're all free to be whoever we want to be and while I thought the other road was more exciting particularly in the short term. For me this path is much more rewarding long term.

I don't regret rediscovering myself. I will say this, learning BJJ seriously will help you get the best out of yourself.
I had a very similar experience getting heavily into the gym lifestyle .. I fetishised female bodybuilders (and wrestlers) since I was very young .. Seeing a big female bicep in real life was so rare, I'd either freak out or fall in love .. The fetish was this dark side of my libido I'd only exercise in private.

First time I was around a really strong woman in the gym (crossfit type, visiting our local commercial gym), I couldn't deal with it .. Like an adolescent being taken to a strip club for the first time and seeing real life boobs .. And I've mentioned the first time this beautiful 6'1 blonde swimmer took off her top and revealed the buffest shoulders, arms and wide back I'd ever seen on a woman, I had to get out of there .. Cold sweat, mad panic, jerk off in the shower.

But being in that environment, and getting stronger and getting status, you get two things: desensitised to a turn-on you rarely experience in the outside world, and status and self-esteem (the lack of which fuels masochistic fantasies) .. And now that blonde swimmer's a friend, I have wellness and figure athletes flirting with me .. 'Fetish' is something unbalanced .. I think the fetish exists in some way to direct you towards where you're meant to be .. Muscles and grappling ability are definitely turn-ons, but it doesn't have control over me anymore.
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Old 29-May-23, 23:21
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jiminy jiminy is offline
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Default Re: Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

Understandable.

Learning a martial art coincides with personal development, confidence building and mental discipline.

It's the same in any sport, really, but combat and strength are seen as the last bastions of masculinity. So your ego is always going to want to your "starting point" to be higher than it is. You have to come to terms with that and it's probably why a lot of people quit early.

You get tapped. Everyone gets tapped. But then you get desensitised to it. It's all part of learning. The good thing about BJJ is that it's fairly easy to learn, but difficult and challenging to master. I mean, the average person can learn the steps to doing a kimura from guard or a triangle from guard a lot easier than you can learn a hand-stand walk or doing 10 strict pull ups or a leg-spllts. You don't have to be an Olympic gymnast to start accruing useful skills and seeing progress.

Another good thing is that you soon realise that as a newbie, the only way you can go is up... The gains become addictive and you can attest to that personal development, extra confidence and feeling that you've moved up the hierarchy.

I say this MvF stuff stopped being a "fetish" for me a long time ago. As a teen I used to jerk off to movie & TV scenes where women beat up men and then moved on to real stuff like Randy Pittman vs Sunshine Fettkether. Then I'd look at skilled, or big / strong / muscular women and create fantasy scenarios around them. It used to make me angry & fascinated at the same time to the point I had to furiously masturbate as a means of coping and processing the fear of not all men being invincible He-Man like men and not all women being docile little dormice.

But you come to the point through life experience, martial arts, lifting, seeking knowledge, etc, of coming to terms with it all... It's now more of an interest/hobby and the main thing that amuses me these is guys that get triggered and angry when they see a woman beating a man... Because I was at that point once.

Whenever I read the comments of a YouTube vid, it's often littered with angry men saying the losing guy is a wimp, but I'd wager those making the comments wouldn't do any better themselves. You think someone like Gordon Ryan would sit around calling guys that get tapped by girls wimps? It's no skin off his nose, nothing for him to worry about, so of course not. When you've dedicated years to this stuff, you know full well you didn't acquire your skill overnight, but rather through hardships, failures, reassessments, persistence and thousands of hours of mat time.

Or they are always chomping at the bit to offer an alternative, mitigating excuse for the male such as "if striking was allowed" ... "if only he went for her ribs" ... "if only he had more training and wasn't a wimp" ... If my aunt had wheels she'd be a bike. lol.

But yeah, you understand, appreciate the skill and dedication a lot more and in turn the intensity of the fetish greatly diminishes if not playing itself out completely.
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Old 30-May-23, 15:01
Wyoming Wyoming is offline
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Default Re: Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

I'm 148lb Right now and I can tell you that I can survive against low ranking lighter weight blue belts but anyone equal weight or heavier will sub me several times in no GI. In the GI I get absolutely smashed.

There is some element of truth in being a guy and turning things down against a female but I can tell you if I went beast mode I'd gas myself. I think there's a bad stigma behind losing to a female otherwise you'd see a lot more guys confident in showing themselves online losing.

I recently got tapped multiple times in the GI effortlessly by a slightly heavier blue belt and I couldn't do anything. Got put in a bow and arrow because I'm usually used to defending the back that I didn't see it coming, and an Ezekiel because I don't usually get that in the no GI. It's got to the point where I don't get worked up about it, I really don't care and it's no different to any other roll.

It's not to say that we can't experience intimacy and kinks privately, but I'm no longer invested in chasing it for the purposes of being 'destroyed'. I think it's something I want to experience with more intimacy with one person than seeking out dommes or session ladies.
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Old 30-May-23, 15:44
Ryan Futuristics Ryan Futuristics is offline
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Default Re: Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

The tricky thing with BJJ is you instinctively play their game .. and they've spent a lot more time playing it .. When Sakuraba went on his streak in Pride, beating the Gracies, you can watch how he doesn't let himself get drawn into a BJJ grapple .. He wins the game by not playing.

When I get subbed in BJJ, it feels like losing a chess match .. I do still wonder how many lower ranking belts would deal with someone who isn't really playing the game, and will scoot out of things at their own pace .. But getting gassed feels like true defeat .. When you're exhausted, a teenage girl becomes Brock Lesnar – they can do whatever they want, because your body is just trying to recover .. Tapping just because you're being bullied and controlled, and you're out of energy, feels like total defeat.
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Old 30-May-23, 15:56
girlylegs girlylegs is offline
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Default Re: Getting serious about Jiu jitsu changed the way I think about everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan Futuristics [Only Registered Users Can See LinksClick Here To Register]
The tricky thing with BJJ is you instinctively play their game .. and they've spent a lot more time playing it .. When Sakuraba went on his streak in Pride, beating the Gracies, you can watch how he doesn't let himself get drawn into a BJJ grapple .. He wins the game by not playing.

When I get subbed in BJJ, it feels like losing a chess match .. I do still wonder how many lower ranking belts would deal with someone who isn't really playing the game, and will scoot out of things at their own pace .. But getting gassed feels like true defeat .. When you're exhausted, a teenage girl becomes Brock Lesnar – they can do whatever they want, because your body is just trying to recover .. Tapping just because you're being bullied and controlled, and you're out of energy, feels like total defeat.
I did go to a BJJ class 5 yrs ago where I tapped because I was spent and dead on energy more then anything. I felt like a bit of a wimp because the submission itself should have never made me tap.
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